Saying Good-bye

No matter how much I work on the whole notion of birth and death being part of life, the death piece always takes me by surprise. Babies come into this world and we are filled with elation at all that is to come. It's all about potential and knowing that in your hands lies this little being who is going to experience such unfathomable joy. You also know that sadness will find its way into this little life but it's mostly about joy. This new person will know love from his/her mom, dad, grandparents, aunties and uncles. He/she will learn new things with every passing day. He/she will babble, giggle, and laugh out loud from way down deep. He/she will learn that life is at its very core about being happy. He/she will grow up, find his/her way in the world, develop a passion for something or 2 or 3 somethings, fall in love, have babies, grow old and die. He/she will leave behind a legacy of a life well lived but for his/her loved ones in his/her place is a giant hole where a loved one once lived, breathed and loved. Yes, no matter how much we rationalize that death is part of life, at the end the ones left in its wake feel such sadness and loss. We must somehow pick ourselves up and learn to live life without that person who has been such a vital part of our own living.

Yesterday, the Sutter community said good-bye to Carol Ragsdale. You can say a lot of things about Carol. She was an amazing teacher, in a class by herself. She lived her life the way she wanted. In the end she lost her battle with cancer but not without one heck of a fight. On one hand you can feel relief that it is over but on the other, there is only sadness. She died too young. I doubt that she would have ever retired but she could have experienced the joy of more time with her husband, children and grandchildren. She could have seen more beautiful things in the world. She could have just been among us modeling, guiding and cheering on the next generation of amazing teachers. She indeed left an amazing legacy but in her place in a giant hole.

Birth is what can be and death is what could have been. Birth brings such joy that I think I will explode and likewise I am desperately overwhelmed with the sadness that death brings. But it also motivates me to renew the promise to myself to live life on my own terms. We don't know the number of days we have here or the hugs that we will have time to give. So we better not miss any of those opportunities - chances to love, to laugh and to just be with those we love to laugh with.