Stunned by Beauty

The word beauty keeps coming up for me here in the Pacific Northwest.  I'm struck by it.  I'm surrounded by it.  It constantly takes my by surprise.  It's one thing to drive somewhere and know that when you get there, you're going to see something beautiful, that you're going to be awestruck.   It is quite something else to be driving along on a Portland freeway and glance to your left or right and be taken, absolutely taken by what you see.  It can be a stand of fir trees, a view of  a river or  lake or just a creek but it's a view that if seen in the Silicon Valley, you would have driven there to see it.  This is new.  Up until now, I thought that I had lived in a beautiful place.  I lived in what at  one time, I lovingly called paradise.  It was beautiful in weather.  It was beautiful in access to the beach.  It was beautiful in proximity to trails that led to forests, mountains and lakes, rivers, and even creeks.  There was nothing I loved better than walking the Los Gatos Creek Trail or taking the short drive to Santa Cruz.  Enroute, I would see and smell the redwoods of the  Santa Cruz Mountains and at the end be rewarded with the amazing views of Highway 1 and  the Pacific Ocean.  There was nothing like it.  I told myself over and over again how lucky I was to live in this amazing place.  And I truly believed it.  But access to beauty and being surrounded by beauty are two distinct things.  Here, there is a respect for the beauty of nature for nature's sake.  There is not the allocation of nature that California executes by setting aside beautiful land for parks and preserves.  Here, nature is everywhere.  It is respected.  Houses and neighborhoods are built around nature and parks are added to that.  So,  honestly, you can be driving the freeways of Portland and look to the side and see amazing vistas that you would have driven to see in California.  This is beauty.  This is paradise.

Changes in This New Lifestyle

Although I know this feeling of an empty calendar in retirement won't last, I am definitely aware of changes.

The first is sleep.  I'm still struggling in that department because of the early sunrises here in Vancouver.  But I finally wake with little on my mind.  The worry and anxiety of the upcoming day is gone.  It is a welcome relief.

It has been a long time since I have had the availability to read the paper.  I am enjoying it.  Many retired people have recommended doing the daily crossword puzzle to keep the brain functioning so I am also doing that.  As a result my days have a very late start.

I've discovered some joy in drinking beer.  I'm sure it's just summer in the air and the wide variety and availability here.  But I'm fascinated by the notion of growlers and "take out" beer.  And if you can really make a beer that tastes like Peanut Butter Latte,  I'm interested.

The daily walk has gone from an hour to 2 hours.  There are so many trails here to try out.  And they are all so incredibly beautiful.  It is green, all kinds of green and they all have water.  A  Californian in the midst of green and WATER is something to behold.

Time.  Time to follow up on home maintenance phone calls.  Time to schedule Dr. appointments.  Time to sit and enjoy conversations over a glass of wine.  Time to sit in the park and listen to music.  Time to converse with cashiers.  Time to just be.  There are many times when an hour or 2 has passed and I have no idea what I've been doing.

The return to hobbies - gardening, reading, exploring (my new word for travel).  I am the director of my healing.  I know what I need each day when I wake up and I have the availability and power to do it.  It is what reminds me on a daily basis that this is right.  This was the right thing to do and the right time to do it.

Thoughts on Retirement

It has been almost exactly a year now that I first had the realization that I was ready to retire.  I had joked about retirement for a couple years and knew that it was close but I didn't know how close.  Last August I took a trip to San Juan Islands (one from my Life List) and everything became crystal clear.  It was here and now.  I was going to retire and move to Washington.  I gave myself a couple months to "get over" it.  But this was it.  Despite the anxiety that these two things brought with them, I knew it was right.  I was being led away from my home in San Jose into an unfamiliar journey to Vancouver, Washington.  This is the second time in my recent life that I have been totally led by the Spirit.  It seems that this would be a challenge for a control freak but it is actually a very relaxing experience.  You just ride along.  Your trust is in the Beloved so there is no need for concern.  When people question your decisions, the words that come out of your mouth are formed far beyond your brain.  What will you do?  Have you ever been to  Washington?  What about the rain... and the snow?  What about Maria and the girls... how can you leave them?  All of these question were meant to clarify the confusion caused or perhaps to stop the runaway train had very sensible answers and somehow they flowed out of me without a second's hesitation.

At the beginning, I believed that I really was retiring and that I was ready to sit but as I got closer, the meaning of the word kept changing.
I am retiring - that means, I'm not going to work any more.
I am retiring - that means maybe I'll volunteer.
I am retiring - that means maybe I'll sub a couple days a week.
I am retiring - that means I quit my job.
I am retiring - that means I can do whatever I want.

At this point in the journey, I still don't exactly know what it means but I am enjoying the ride.  I have put things in place so that whatever retirement becomes, I will be ready.  I'll be able to sub with a Washington credential.  I can volunteer at the public schools, the Nativity school in Portland, or the community gardens.  Or I can just sit.

For now retirement  is simply a state of exploration.  I am learning my way around the cities in the area.  I am gardening and puttering around the house again.  I am hiking.  I am breathing.  I am reading.  I am writing.  And it all feels just right.

Back to My Writing Life

I have been away from this blog for a very long time.  In my absence there has been a great deal of growing going on.  In my absence I endured the most difficult times of my professional life.  I lost friends but gained better ones to take their place.  I found the path back to my spirituality.  I sold a house, bought a condo, sold a house, bought a house and retired.  I have said final good-byes to people I love and greeted brand new ones who are fresh to the world.  It is the cycle of life and I am finally at a place where I can see it turning and enjoy the view.  I am happy to be in this place at this time.  I have always loved writing and I'm thrilled to be back at the keyboard.