Thoughts on Retirement

It has been almost exactly a year now that I first had the realization that I was ready to retire.  I had joked about retirement for a couple years and knew that it was close but I didn't know how close.  Last August I took a trip to San Juan Islands (one from my Life List) and everything became crystal clear.  It was here and now.  I was going to retire and move to Washington.  I gave myself a couple months to "get over" it.  But this was it.  Despite the anxiety that these two things brought with them, I knew it was right.  I was being led away from my home in San Jose into an unfamiliar journey to Vancouver, Washington.  This is the second time in my recent life that I have been totally led by the Spirit.  It seems that this would be a challenge for a control freak but it is actually a very relaxing experience.  You just ride along.  Your trust is in the Beloved so there is no need for concern.  When people question your decisions, the words that come out of your mouth are formed far beyond your brain.  What will you do?  Have you ever been to  Washington?  What about the rain... and the snow?  What about Maria and the girls... how can you leave them?  All of these question were meant to clarify the confusion caused or perhaps to stop the runaway train had very sensible answers and somehow they flowed out of me without a second's hesitation.

At the beginning, I believed that I really was retiring and that I was ready to sit but as I got closer, the meaning of the word kept changing.
I am retiring - that means, I'm not going to work any more.
I am retiring - that means maybe I'll volunteer.
I am retiring - that means maybe I'll sub a couple days a week.
I am retiring - that means I quit my job.
I am retiring - that means I can do whatever I want.

At this point in the journey, I still don't exactly know what it means but I am enjoying the ride.  I have put things in place so that whatever retirement becomes, I will be ready.  I'll be able to sub with a Washington credential.  I can volunteer at the public schools, the Nativity school in Portland, or the community gardens.  Or I can just sit.

For now retirement  is simply a state of exploration.  I am learning my way around the cities in the area.  I am gardening and puttering around the house again.  I am hiking.  I am breathing.  I am reading.  I am writing.  And it all feels just right.