The Mystery of My Life

The word for today is mystified. There have been more than a few times in my life where a huge obstacle is put in the way of what I perceive to be my path and it changes me forever. I could just be humming along my merry way when, BOOM, the rug is pulled out from under me. I tend to be one of those people who does most of her processing internally so the next thing that happens is that I think and ponder and question and in all honesty obsess about what has just happened and the purpose it has for my life. Then within a very short time it becomes abundantly clear why it has happened and all is made clear. Usually I am way off base on the why of it or the purpose it serves for the future of my life.

I was raised as a Presbyterian, whose strongest tenet is the belief in predestination. The questioning years of my adolescence was the beginning of the break for me with this religious idea. Why would God plan out my life and then sit back and watch it happen as if it was a movie whose script you yourself had written? Of course there is always free will and with someone like me that would certainly shake things up a bit. My recent years have had a stong focus on questioning. What do I want to do, why, who are the people that have the ability to lead me forward, how and with whom do I want to spend my time, what is the quality of life that matches my beliefs about the world? I work hard to be sure that the answers to these questions are the guiding force in decisions I make. Up until this year I had a pretty solid definition of my beliefs about who I am as a teacher. It had been tweaked a few times along the way but for the most part I "knew" that I could reach on some level every kid who ever walked into my room. All that came crashing down on this year. I spent all of Friday and most of Saturday realigning my thinking and redefining who I am as a teacher.

Last night Maria and I saw Jeannette Walls, the author of Glass Castles. This book was one of the most difficult memoirs I've ever read. At the end of every chapter I told myself, "It's OK, I know she lived through this horrendous childhood because she grew up to write this book." So here was this amazing woman standing before the audience telling her story and what she has learned. Her rate and expressiveness of speech was something to behold. She bears no grudges whatsoever against her parents nor the experiences she endured. They all came together to create her view of the world and the end result is that she sees similarities in people and their expereinces as opposed to the differences. The bulk of everything she said spoke directly to my heart about who I am as a teacher. She has achieved everything, everything, she has because of those experiences. No one came along and plucked her up to save her. That was up to her. She had to become a survivor because of the challenges she faced. She was the one that to stand up and fight for herself.

Driving out of the parking lot it all hit me like a ton of bricks. It had happened again. An obstacle had appeared in my path, I had thought and thought and thought about it and now it had been made clear. The question for me became do I have the ability to take events and apply them to what I need to figure out in my life or are those events put in my life to clear up my muddy waters? I believe the latter is true because it has happened so often. Given that belief, how did the universe/God know I was going to need this on April 25 at 8:00 PM. Why did a teacher at Sutter put that book in my hands, why did Maria's book club decide to read it, why did Maria tell me about Jeannette Walls speaking at the Marin Center and how did I come to accept her invitation? The series of events that had to happen for me to be sitting in that seat and accepting what I needed to hear at exactly that moment is overwhelming.

Yes, I am just a bit mystified.

The Wall

Before I even begin this post I have to give thanks once again for my wonderful daughter and son-in-law who have the greatest knack for helping me figure things out on this journey of life. I am definitely the youngest soul among the three of us.

I hit a big fat immovable wall today. Some of it is student related but most of it is me. We have a very challenging student who really has very little interest in the school world. My partner teacher and I have worked hard in the area of motivation throughout the year and mostly to no avail. Time is getting short and there just aren't many days left for a turn around. Today was my day where for the first time I had the notion of utter hopelessness. I am not a teacher who has EVER given up on a kid and I've had some pretty interesting ones in my 19 years. But I guess I'm preparing myself to throw in the towel. This is extremely difficult. #1, it just isn't in me and #2 with my experience in elementary school it simply wasn't possible. How do you give up on a kid when s/he is sitting there all day long and there's only 20 kids in the room? I never had a student I couldn't reach in some way or another so I truly believed that they were all savable. As an elementary teacher, most of them do want to please you so that is a huge step in the right direction. But even those whose relationship with you could wane from time to time, there was always some way to rope them in.

Middle School is different, very different. For one thing the ones that are failing have been failing for a very long time. They have gotten the message loud and clear so it's a pretty fast moving car to try and turn around. We, in middle school, truly are the crossing point for kids who make a decision about the role that school will play in their lives for the next few years. One of the things I realized tonight was that it was one thing for me to teach a 1st or 2nd grader who would one day drop out but it is quite another thing for me to realize that I could be the last stop on the journey. Could a kid walk out of my classroom at the end of the year and never step foot into another one? That is a heavy load for me to carry. Every day is one more step either toward or away from school. Up until today I truly thought I had the power to change any kid that came my way. It turns out that laughter and love are not always enough. My daughter is right. I can set the expectations and offer assistance but I can't do the work for him. He has to want it for himself on some level. Without the internal desire, there is nothing that can be achieved.

For 19 years I have been defining my role as a teacher as that of coach, leader, cajoler, motivator, mom, you name it; anything that would get the job done. Of course I had my share of those kids that would challenge me and the toolbox of teaching strategies I carried around. But I always felt like I had achieved at least some success with every kid that came my way. It is time to change the tape that plays in my head. If someone doesn't want to learn, there is really nothing that I can do to make it happen. At this age, choices are being made. I have to remember that there are all sorts of forks in the road on the journey of a lifetime. Who am I to say that the only way to the finish line is through a diploma at age 18? People who have taken the long way bring all sorts of other gifts that they could never receive without the additional stops along the way. This ah ha has brought me just a touch of peace. I know that I am not the teacher that will ever draw the line in the stand and walk away from a kid but I can make clear my expectations and what I, as his teacher can do to assist him in his search for knowledge. Learning takes 2 people working together to achieve the goal. I can't do it alone.

Earth Day

It isn't often that we are in school on Earth Day because of our regularly scheduled district spring break so I was quite happy to be able to incorporate a little of the real world into my writing class this week. We began with a discussion of Earth Day - what it is, why we celebrate it, where it came from. Of course all that was very humorous especially when my young academics discovered that I was a mere 15 years of age on the first Earth Day. I don't recall it being a very big deal in the heartland of America but as the years have passed I have grown to love it. It's just nice to take a day and recommit myself to the prolongation of our beautiful planet. As a first, second and third grade teacher I always tried to find a way to celebrate Earth Day with a combination of activities that increased students' knowledge of the planet along with a feeling of enjoyment such as sharing a cup of "dirt" along with a few gummi worms. We might paint the blue planet, make posters to remind ourselves of ways to respect our planet, take a tour of a recycling plant or pick up trash around the school grounds. So my expectation for 6th grade was pretty high. I figured they had had at least 6 years of these activities along with exposure to countless public service announcements to build a level of knowledge about numerous strategies to save the planet. I quickly learned that they knew the phrase Reduce, Reuse, Recycle but their written explanations to differentiate between the three processes were pretty vague. Most of them thought that using a water bottle over again was the perfect example of recycling. When pressed about the difference between recycling and reusing I got that funny look that only a 6th grader can make with absolute precision accompanied by a deep resonating "Huh?" So today I gave them my quick but complete explanation of how a plastic bottle goes from the bin they put in front of their house on Wednesday or Thursday mornings to reappearing on the Safeway shelf filled with their favorite sweet drink of choice. As I got to the conclusion of this little saga, a few heads started nodding slowly in that "Oh yeah. I remember hearing this before" rhythm. As we continued the discussion, it became a little easier for them to now grasp the difference between reusing a plastic bottle and repurchasing one that has been here before. Mission accomplished!

This has probably been my most fascinating observation of the move from 3rd to 6th grade. I am constantly caught off guard because I assume a certain level of knowledge based solely on them being in the world for 11 or 12 years. I introduce a topic believing that this is probably the hundredth time that they have heard it and must surely know what I'm talking about but quickly realize that the deafening silence in the room proves to me that once again I am all alone. I readjust my delivery and with only a stumble or two am back on track. I came to middle school thinking I'd be challenged by the ability level and at times that little dream has come true. But for the most part I am reminded that my big 6th graders are still young kids and have lots to learn about this big beautiful world.

Finding What You Need

There has been something big missing from my life over the past many months. One of the things that I know about myself is that I find my spirit in wide open spaces. Hiking is a necessity for me. It is my church, my refuge, my sanctuary. It changes me. I need to be out in the woods to feel better about the world. In looking back over my calendar this school year, it is a missing item. Some things have taken its place - breakfast or lunch with friends, Sunday walks in the park and, sad to say, lesson plans. I am taking a stand here and now. No more weekend lesson plans! I need to get back to nature.

Today I found myself at Edgewood County Park to enjoy the wildflowers. This is an annual trek for me and it usually happens during spring break. There are lots of places where you can see poppies and larkspurs and violets but Edgewood is always a sure bet. It did not disappoint today.

The funny thing about hiking is the minute my foot hits the trail I am changed. Feeling dirt under my feet instantly sends a jolt of energy throughout my body and relaxation to my brain. All thinking about school, house, money or any other senseless worry is instantly removed from my thought processes. What takes its place is simple awe of the beauty around me - the endless deep blue sky, textures of rock formations, hills and valleys that lead my feet ever forward anxiously seeking what is around the next bend. If only I could live my day to day life with that curiosity and wonder. The amazing combinations of colors of wild flowers is such a sight to behold. The yellow and purple floral blankets that are created by viewing them from a distance are almost as beautiful as the close up of the individual blossom. It's that reminder not to forget to keep in balance the wide view as well as the zoom perspective of our existence. There is beauty in both.

Today I was also entertained by the people I encountered on the trail. Each group has its own identity and leaves its print on you whether its a connection to a memory of the past or something you've never encountered before and you just say hmm.... as it passes by. The trail runners can be friendly and courteous as you make room for them or they may not even know you were ever there. The family groups are fascinating. I saw a mom telling her kid that in only 5 more minutes the "hard" part would be over. The child simply stopped in the middle of the trail, glancing at an overhanging limb covered with moss and said "What a cool tree!' We are so busy getting kids through the hard parts that we miss what is here in front of us in this moment. Then there was the family who was hiking along and the 7 or 8 year old boy had lagged behind and was off the trail inadvertently crushing plants as he attempted to walk as slow as is humanly possible. I think I've seen that boy somewhere before. He was sending a message loud and clear and Mom just said, "Hurry up Andrew!" But my favorites of the day were 2 separate couples one a dad and grown daughter and the other a husband and wife. In the first case the dad wanted to know if there were open fields up wildflowers up ahead. I reassured him that, yes indeed, there were while the daughter tried to avoid the uphill trek by telling him that "This was fine. I don't need to see anymore." The final scenario was the wife asking me "Is it up ahead?" to which the husband in his drippiest voice said, "What do you mean IT? This is it." I chatted with them for a moment about the importance of the journey but I don't think she was buying it.

I am grateful to live here in this amazing place filled with so many hiking opportunities. As our California fees and taxes escalate I am reminded of the reason I will never leave. I can't imagine my life with out the things we are given at no expense - sunshine, blue skies, the myriad of shades of green held in distant hillsides, golden poppies and the dirt beneath my feet.

Another List

Things I Love About My Car

First and foremost, it is red, my favorite color. I don't really remember how long I have wanted a red car but I know that it was pre-teaching the kids to drive. And that was a very long time ago. Somehow I was convinced that a driver in a red car would get more tickets. But in all fairness, that was also back in my "speeding" days. When I look at it sitting in my driveway, I still have to remind myself that it belongs to me.

I got everything I wanted. Translation: It has a sunroof.

It's smaller than an SUV and bigger than a Jetta. Goldilocks and I agree that this one is just right. It is still big enough to hold my camping stuff and I can load my bike in the trunk and the fold-down backseats.

I am driving back on the ground again. There is no step up just to get inside my car. While the view from there was good, it was a little unwieldy getting things in and out of the car in one motion. I'm all about efficiency.

The controls are in exactly the same place at the RAV4 so I don't have to learn anything new.

The auxiliary input makes it possible, not only to listen to my ipod but more importantly, I can take Pandora Radio with me everywhere.

It is easy to find in the parking lot. That red just seems to shout at me, "Here I am!"

It is the reminder that I am through moving. No big car will mean renting a truck the next time I get a hare-brained idea to change jobs or towns. That will definitely slow me down long enough to think things through.

I will be saving money. The gas mileage will be better and it is cheaper to insure.

Things I Don't Love About My Car

The Bluetooth doesn't seem to recognize my iphone. Oh well. I'm not a telephone person anyway.

The ash seats. I don't really eat in my car but that color is awfully light. Maybe it will blend better with Jacks fur than the black ones in the RAV4 did.

So, yes, I do love my car - more than I should love any inanimate object. But this is only Day 2. I'm sure in no time at all, I'll be taking her for granted. But for now. I'm a very happy car owner.

Things I Love About Spring Break 2009

1. The color green
At this time of year, everything is bursting forth ready to bloom. My deck garden resembles a little green carpet. It is all I can do not to take my shoes off and wiggle my toes in its green lushness. Even the weeds look good.

2. Time
All my breaks from school bring an awareness of time. This one has made me realize that the more time I have the less I waste. When I am at work I am constantly thinking about things I need to do when I'm not working. Someday I will learn to write these things down instead of having to remember to think about them again when I am not at work so they can be addressed. While I've been home this week I was able to deal with anything that popped into my head and then still had time to enjoy the pleasures of life. It is an interesting thing, the more time I have the less I waste but the less time I have the more I waste. It just doesn't make sense.

3. Watching the rhythm of the world around me
I am fascinated by the view outside my front window. People come and go in their cars on a regular basis. The older people take their walks at about the same time everyday. The sun makes its journey across the sky changing the light patterns inside my house. I am lulled into some sense of relaxation simply by the regularity of it all.

4. Time to face issues of my life with some sense of logic
I am able to address problems that need to be dealt with in my life with something more than a knee jerk reaction. My money/car thing still hangs over my head but I can process it with a little more in-depth reaction. Perhaps it's just the ability to look at things with a broader vision. The world is not coming to an end. I can still afford to eat and drink. I have a roof over my head. And there is even a car in the driveway. If not, that little red bicycle would love to go for a ride.

5. Sunshine
I am a great lover of light. Even despite the high winds of the past couple days, I have deeply enjoyed the longer and brighter light of April in Santa Clara. Recently I have had thoughts that I could live quite happily in Florida where it's lighter for more of the year. Would I miss the changing of the seasons? Would I appreciate the increase in light without the darkness it must overcome?

6. Looking back
Spring break is a time where there isn't much left of the school year so it's a little frightening to look forward. 39 days isn't long to finish off the curriculum that must be done before these kids are sent to 7th grade. So it is a great time to look back at where I started 8 or 9 months ago. I knew so little about middle school coming in, so I am pleasantly surprised to still be so happy about the move up. On one level I feel incredibly lucky to have landed so softly. But I also know that the experiences of my past have prepared me for where I am today. Lucky me.

7. The approval to do nothing
As I get older I give myself the permission to "waste" time. This is not part of my Iowa upbringing so it has been a huge hurdle to overcome. I can know sit on the couch for an hour or so and read fiction. I can sit on the deck for longer than it takes to eat lunch or dinner and just sit.

8. Taking the time to walk
The days have very few scheduled events so I can take the time to walk to the store or the bank or wherever I need to go - even to La Paloma for that Cadillac Margarita with dear friends.

9. Cooking
I take the time to cook breakfast everyday and actually plan a menu for lunch and dinner. I have tried out a few new recipes this week and loved them all. I love the adventure of assembling ingredients and the voila feeling of when it's done. The first taste is a total sensory experience.

10. Reconnecting
I have enjoyed hanging out with my friends and family. Bill's Cafe, the aforementioned La Paloma, Easter Brunch, Barefoot Coffee, phone calls to celebrate birthdays and just because I'm thinking of you. It is that reminder that we were put here together to be in relationship with one another.

I am extremely grateful for all I have been given. Time is clearly the theme of this break. It is all we have and it is up to us to determine how it will be spent. Alone/together Working/playing Sitting and breathing/Walking and thinking I love my job not only for the actual work I do but for the time I am given away from it.
Christmas break,
February break,
Spring break
It is in the time spent reflecting that I can become better at what I do not only at school but in the world. The person I am becoming comes to me in the quiet times. I give thanks for the peacefulness that currently resides in my heart and guides me forward. I am calm. I am serene. I am happy to be in the place at this time.

News From the Shoulder Department

Drum roll please .....
After many days and weeks of preparation, a long awaited goal has been reached. The last few days I have made a conscious effort to pull my shirts over my head when dressing and undressing. I know how ridiculous this sounds but I have discovered that when body parts hurt your brain will find ways of accomplishing things without enduring the screech that inadvertently accompanies extreme sharp pain. Today was the day that I was going to make my first attempt at putting on a back closure bra. So I chose my favorite black number with great excitement and trepidation. It took two tries but I did it! I have to admit that it was not pain free but there was no screech at the end so I know my mission has been attained and every day will just get better. Yahoo!

RAV4 Update

I had a few extra minutes today so I thought I would check on my friend Eddy at SC Toyota and the status of my car. Much to my dismay Eddy wasn't there today. Darn! So in the space of less than 5 minutes I was put on hold 3 times. Eddy's partner, Dan informed me that the water pump didn't come in today but they were hoping it would be there tomorrow. My response, "Are you expecting it tomorrow?" He couldn't actually answer that but thought it would be good if it showed up. The end result was he would check on it in the parts department and call me back. At least he didn't put me on hold again but I didn't plan on waiting around for the phone to ring. So about 2 hours later I got a voice mail saying that he couldn't really get an exact ETA of my water pump but when it was ordered they had said 7 to 10 days and today was day 7. Once again he said it would be good if it came in tomorrow so they could get my car out of there. Hmm... Maybe they're getting tired of maneuvering around my car every day. I wish I could muster up some sympathy for those guys.

The Week That Will Never End

Monday morning came and a smile filled my soul. Just 5 days until spring break. Ahh.... spring break. It is truly my favorite of the year. It is not Easter break, it is all about spring. I rarely leave town on this one because I want to be home to soak up all that the change of the season has to offer. 5 days until spring break - that's it.

Monday was Monday; an almost ordinary day except for the multi-cultural door contest that needed to be planned. My bright spot was the news after lunch that one of our kids had skipped school. Now I only call it "bright" because he decided to stop by school at lunch and share the news that he was skipping school. I guess he had gotten bored hanging out at Safeway, 7-11 and Starbucks, a middle school student's desired destinations. So, yes, his friends all ratted him out. Unbelievable.

After school, I zipped over to meet with one of my new teachers. Then it was back to school to do sub plans for Thursday. Another 6:00 day and home to correct social studies papers.

Tuesday - a teacher in-service day that was spent scoring writing PBAs. Around the 10th one I suddenly realized that what used to be brain appeared to have turned to mush. These are 6th grade 5 paragraph essays on one of two topics - the SCUSD nutritional policy or reasons they should be able to choose their own seats. There are only so many ways that the 12 year old mind can defend those topics. I will admit there were a few that entertained me but for the most part, it was pure drudgery.

This was followed by a 2 1/2 hour IEP meeting. The student is one of my favotites but the mom just couldn't understand what we were trying to communicate regarding progress and his annual goals. I never dreamed that I would ever be using my knowledge of 1st grade reading skills and strategies in a middle school conference. It goes back to what I have always believed about my life. Everything I have ever done was necessary for what I would need when I got to today. There were 3 teachers there and I know that for every topic we covered each one of us had to explain it a different way to achieve even an inkling of understanding. She took copious notes and wrote all over the IEP plan. I truly have never seen anything like it. At 5:30 she said she would take the goals home, revise them and send them back to the SDC teacher. Unbelievable! (Yes. I know I said that on Monday.) When I got home I could not even think about fixing dinner. Like a robot, I opened the refrigerator, took out the leftover mac and cheese and dug in. That was followed of course by a nice Chardonnay.

Wednesday - another IEP at 7:45. This was polar opposite to yesterday's. Mom showed up in her pajamas and a 49er sweatshirt. It was clear she was not in any condition to maintain order in a house that now contains 3 6th graders and a 6 year old, three of which are special ed. I spent my first period prep tweaking my Thursday sub plans, correcting papers and figuring out where I'm going in social studies after spring break. Most of the rest of the day was spent on our "Italian Door." I took time out to address my wayward student who somehow thought it would be a great idea to skip school and then met with another one who chose to throw a racial slur in science class. By lunch I was completely done. But lo and behold, a plate of brownies walked in the room. Yahoo! Maybe I'll make it through the day after all. Then forms for 7th grade schedules were dumped in the 6th grade teacher's laps. They had to be filled out, sent home for parent signatures and returned by Friday. Unbelievable. (I know. I know. I already said that.) The door somehow gets finished and now it's time for our grade level meeting. This was phase two from last week. But this time everyone was present so all the cards were out on the table - ELL, special ed, science, PE and preps. Next on the agenda is a mandatory faculty meeting in honor of STAR testing. If that's not enough we tagged on a visit from the superintendent to discuss the present state of the district budget. Finally the day is over and time to party. We had Lindsey's shower and celebrated the beautiful mommy and baby-to-be.

Tomorrow is Thursday. The social studies doors will be judged. I will be involved in an ELL meeting for most of the day followed by a visit to my other new teacher to discuss her unit summative assessments and evaluate student growth. UGH. After school there will be a multi-cultural food event which I will probably have to miss.

And then it will finally be Friday. Oh, sweet Friday. We will have a shortened schedule in order to end with a multi-cultural performance from some Ohlone Indians and Aztec dancers. And then the week will finally be over

Spring Break, here I come!

Finacial Woes

Close to a month ago, I came upon an idea to achieve some of my financial goals; sell my car which would eliminate my remaining car payments for the next 2 years and pocket the extra to pay off my credit card debt and get back to ground zero. Now, I am famous for coming up with crazy schemes that achieve short term goals but are not in my best interest in the long run. So I sat with this one for a couple weeks before I made any moves.

In recent months, my world has become extremely small and it is possible for me to walk or bike to almost anywhere I have to go. I work 8 blocks from home, the nearest Safeway is only an additional 3 blocks away. I toyed with the idea of going carless but knew that was where I had gone too far. So the next thought was to buy an old car to use for emergency trips. I quickly discovered that purchasing an old car would then nix the ability to pay off my credit card. Then, lo and behold, my ex-husband decided to buy a new car and asked me if I would like to take over ownership of his 137,000 mile Jetta. There was the answer!

So I put my car on Craigs List and waited to see what would happen. There were several responses and a few people came by to see it. On the 6th day of the 7 day ad I received a short e-mail that said, "please call ---------- if you're still interested in selling rav4." I figured what the heck. I called the number and the voice mail greeting was definitely British. I wasn't feeling very positive at this point and was already entertaining the notion of relisting the add at a reduced price since I would be making another payment the following Friday. But the Brit found his way from Pleasanton and took a short test drive. He said he was looking at a couple more cars and would need to get approval from his wife who was still in London.

As the week progressed the e-mails and text messages were flying in at an incredible speed. Somehow I held myself together and just took one day at a time to see where it all ended up. We were dealing with DMV issues as well as the transfer of money. The buyer wanted to be assured that the car was in good shape mechanically so I agreed to have a dealer inspection done. This is where my relationship began with the evil doers at Stevens Creek Toyota. I called them Tuesday morning to schedule an appointment for the inspection and they said, "Oh you don't need an appointment. You can just bring it in." So that's just what I did. When I got there and told them what I needed I was told that they couldn't possibly do it today because today was a semi holiday as it happened to be Caesar Chavez Day. So I made an appointment for Wednesday. I showed up Wednesday and told them I had an appointment which the man totally ignored and went through the entire process once again of writing down all the pertinent numbers in my car. We got inside the office and he said, "Oh I see you have done this already." No shit, Sherlock! So I went inside to get comfortable in the waiting room and set about to correct my pile of social studies papers. Shortly after I finished the stack I was given the news that I had a leaking water pump. I updated my buyer with the news and after another flurry of e-mails we decided that we would have it repaired here and plan to transfer money and the car on Saturday. I contacted SC Toyota and dropped off the car Thursday night without another thought about it. As the day progressed I sort of waited for word from the dealer to hear that the car was ready. That didn't happen. I finally called them before my 6th period class. My new friend Eddie said to me, "Did you get my voice mail?" Nope. He then proceeded to tell me that they could not replace the water pump because they were still waiting for the part to come in. I had one of those weird reactions when you laugh at inopportune times. I laughed and kind of shouted, "You're kidding!" I then proceeded to inform Eddie that I was selling my car tomorrow afternoon and I needed a guarantee that my car would be ready by noon. He, of course could not give me a guarantee but assured me that they would do everything in their power to have it ready between 10 and 12 on Saturday. At this point, my increase in heart rate reminded me of how much I hate, yes hate, ineptitude. Friday night passed and I noticed a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. This always happens when for some reason things are not going as planned. Somehow I just know. Saturday morning I received the answer. Eddie called at 9:30 with his deepest apologies and was willing to do almost anything for me knowing this would severely compromise the sale of my car. It turns out that there is a huge shortage of RAV4 water pumps nationwide. Headquarters was saying anywhere from 2-4 weeks to fill the back orders. Now here is the clincher. They had already taken my water pump out before they realized this problem. I have some difficulty understanding this plan of attack. Isn't that a little like deciding to make a cake before you see if there is any flour in the pantry? So the old water pump could not be put back because the seal has been broken; a new water pump is unavailable. What now? The buyer was very patient but understandably did not want to invest such a large amount of money into a car that was laying on pieces on the Toyota garage floor. The last word came Saturday at 3:30 that Toyota was hopeful they could get a water pump in a week but it could be 2 weeks. The buyer is going to go back to his search for a car. I will be relisting my car on Craigs list but right now have nothing to sell.

I am currently more irritated with human beings than I have been in a long time. But at the same time am deeply grateful that I have a car to drive. I would like very much for Toyota to make amends - this is the revengeful side of me speaking - but since the car is still under warranty until April 29th the repair will be free anyway. So in the end, I am just left with my bills and a good idea on how to pay them.