Coming out of my funk

Today seemed a bit brighter. I have been mild to moderately depressed about my teaching ability or at least what the state and so many others expect of me. It all started a couple weeks ago when I began my "homework" for the Noyce Advanced Study Group. This is a small group of teachers led by a literacy coach to focus on writing workshop. There was a time when I thought I was a pretty darn good writing teacher and it wasn't that long ago. At any rate we have taken a 2-prong focus: mini lessons and conferencing. Any WW teachers out there will quickly realize that those 2 pieces constitute the majority of any writing workshop. After doing my reading on mini lessons I revamped things a bit, added a couple missing pieces and tried to carry on. Then I decided it would be a good idea for the local coach to meet me and my kids so I invited her in for a reading lesson. (I used to be a pretty good reading teacher too.) I managed to get myself over that one and then took on my Advanced Study homework on conferences. My reflection? I suck. Yeah, so now I'm trying to update and improve those missing pieces too. This one is not so easy! My conferencing is better but they are taking much longer! Now I'm seeing 2 maybe 3 kids on a good day. Quality not quantity. The next zinger came at the faculty meeting this week as we were going over Science scores. Yep. They're in the toilet. So now the district wants excellence in reading, writing, math and science. Sure, no problem. Sign me up to teach language arts in middle school. I would gladly leave behind the math, science, PE, and even art. But the day wasn't over. I then received my STAR scores from last year. Yeah, not so good. The day ended with a very long chat with some co-teachers about our profession. I don't think any of us would ever leave but we can certainly understand why people do. It was interesting to note how some of us take these number presentations to heart and others can walk away secure in the knowledge that they are already doing every thing they possibly can. That isn't my view. I am always thinking about ways to improve my teaching. But this one has really made me stop and think. What is the cost? What am I willing to give up for the mere swing of a pendulum? What will my kids benefit? Is it a number on a test score or is it something that will carry them through the future? I've been at this for 16 years now and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. By now I thought it would. The district, the state, the federal government, it seems like the universe all has an opinion about how I should do my job and what my kids should know when they walk out of room 9 for the last time. Now hear this. I am the professional and I know a thing or two about kids and learning. Just let me teach. And wouldn't it be great if we could enjoy it in the process? So I started my day today with a fabulous read aloud - I am still a pretty good reader! I saw my guided reading groups, taught a little spelling (with humor infused), took a few minutes to play word wall games and was feeling OK by recess. It is time to let go of all the pressure I allow to be put on my shoulders. I am a teacher and most days am a pretty good one.