An Alternative Me

 I believe in God's plan and I also believe in the gift of free will.  Just as Jesus was wholly human and wholly divine, both things can be true. Yes, and. Perhaps God's leading trait is also curiosity and wonders what would happen if...?  So we are put on this path (born into a family and place) and then given the power to choose a direction and then re-choose and then choose again.  It happens over and over again until finally in our later years we can look back and see where the path led, where the changes in directions moved us and those around us.  

I have two recurring thoughts as I look back and ponder on an alternative scenario.  The first is what if I had been born Catholic.  Would I have been more deeply spiritual sooner in life? Catholicism offers so much to hold on to: the bells and smells, stories of saints, its own educational system, murals, and statues.  And this always leads to the next question: if I had grown up in this world, would I have joined a religious order?  In my heart of hearts, I am doubtful, as just like most other 16 year old girls, I fell head over heels in love and if allowed to would have married that cute boy and lived happily ever after. Catholicism would have needed to do a lot of ringing and incensing to substitute that romance for the love of Jesus.  But nonetheless, I deeply enjoy going into this "what if" rabbit hole.  

The second scenario I wonder about is what if I had grown up in a family of campers and grew into a semi-resident of the forest.  I have a deep love for the woods and dive into them as often as I can.  But camping or experimenting with another way of staying there long term has always been a challenge for me. It's one of those things that sounds good but as I imagine myself cold, sleep deprived, and in desperate need of a warm shower, I turn back to embrace this civilized urban life I have adopted. Thoreau was my first hero as an adolescent and Walden was and still is a favorite read. I love following people on social media who are living some form of the Walden Pond existence.  Just as the idea of living in a religious order's time has passed so has this idea of cabin dwelling.  But it does not keep me from dreaming and finding ways to insert both of these alternative me's into my current identification.