Covid-19/Coronavirus is alive and well and making its presence known here and around the world. I find myself yearning for a governor that overreacts rather than plays down the danger. Florida is mellow. Florida is low key. Florida is in reality, a beach town lived out in 3 million people. I spent way too much time on the west coast earthquake/fire country not to be overreactive. So my days are the experience of being non-dualistic. I'm worried. I'm hopeful. I know this has an end date. And then I return to I'm worried. I am not scared. I am not fearful. But I am worried. I worry about being too relaxed. I worried about my elderly and immunocompromised parents. I worry about all those I love - my kids, my grandkids, my friends (we're also elderly), and everyone I love and hold dear.
The days are long. It is finally the end of March but I turned the page of the calendar yesterday because I was simply tired of looking at March. Now I know that will happen again in April because the nation is on CDC guidelines of social distancing until April 30. In my heart I know that may be extended to the middle of May.
I try diligently to follow a schedule. It goes like this. My regular morning routine remains intact with the addition of a second cup of coffee because I know how long the days are. A slower start helps me make believe that today will go more quickly than yesterday. So it is coffee/morning news, breakfast, newspaper/crossword puzzle, morning walk, gardening. Then it's on to lunch, reading/writing although honestly my mind is in no place to do any writing on Ralph's memorial so that is on hold until who knows when. Around 3:00 I begin to struggle. I'm tired of reading, it's too hot to walk again and it's too early for happy hour so sometimes it's another cup of coffee and another trip around the yard. It's my wandering time until 5:00 finally rolls around again. THEN! Happy Hour, news, dinner, and my TV time for the evening. I never struggled with filling my days when I first retired so this feels much more like when I was fired and I felt aimless. And then the worries return. Are my parents OK? Are my kids and grandkids OK? What about my friends and the rest of my family?
I am deeply grateful for my brother in these days. It started out as a joke but he checks in with me every day. I love texting my kids and friends, FaceTiming with my loved ones, just staying connected. Those of us who live alone tend to feel a slight loss of gravity. There's no one else to ground us. So it is only meals and routines that keep us bound to the earth.
I think. I pray. I read. I listen. May we all come through this alive, healthy, and loving.
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