People Can be So Entertaining

I am currently at a crossroads in my life. It is time to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my work world. One of the challenges of living alone is not having anyone to sound things off of. I often wonder if I am being kind of nutty when after a rough day, the only thought that rolls through my head is, "That's it." So after the rough days turn into weeks and months you just begin to wonder about what is next. I sent an e-mail to my tightest support circle with my thoughts and options. Some responded with positive comments but most remained silent. Yes, I know that I can be rather opinionated but I was actually asking for advice this time. So I put in the work to really looking for information that would help me make a decision about the next step. So now, I'm at the point where I'm pretty darn certain about what needs to happen for my personal health and happiness but as I move out in those concentric circles of support the response is very different. I think that if they could say 'You're wrong" they would. These are people who really have no idea what my daily experience is like and what I'm talking about. But yet they believe they know what the right path for me is. These are the same people that told me not to make that move to Texas after my divorce. Although the move to Texas was a short one, I wouldn't replace it for anything in the world. Those 5 months were filled with learning about myself - who I am, who I was, who I was becoming. They were priceless. They are what taught me where "home" is. So part of me is very entertained by these responses. I am reminded of how different I am from the masses. I am not afraid of personal challenges or the thought that I could be poor for a while. I might have made a pretty good Spartan all those centuries ago! I love change and am eager to see what might be coming around the next corner. Yes, it makes me a tad bit nervous, but I do not flinch from those butterflies in my stomach. I know that that is where my growth will come. I try hard not to react to their words of concern because I am that girl that has always taken the other side just to be contrary. So for today, I am still absorbing thoughts and advice from others as long as it feels positive and not judgmental. But I am also leaning pretty hard toward a new path and am eager to see where the journey takes me.

Open House

Last night was Open House. With the move to middle school, this has become an almost enjoyable evening. Elementary students' parents are so concerned about the next year that they can't focus on the present. Open house always felt more like an on the spot interview from prospective parents than a look at what your kid did today. Middle school parents don't show up in droves the way that elementary parents do but the ones who are there are extremely complimentary. They take the time to say thank you and tell you how amazing you are. That was a very nice feeling coming on the tail end of a very difficult week. It is also a time for me to put two and two together. More than once last night, I thought to myself, "Oh that's why Suzie is like she is." It is a great look inside the relationship between parent and child. Very amusing and extremely enlightening.

Peace From Quiet

Life has been at turbo speed lately. Lots of stuff going on at school, preparations for the trip to Florida for Grandpa's birthday and then coming back to clean up the messes in my absence both at home and at school. Today was one of those rare days where I had nothing scheduled and was able to call it my own. I did the stuff around the house that had to be done in the morning and then had the pleasure of thinking about what I wanted to do. I chose to read. What a gift to just have quiet in the house. I sometimes get so wrapped up in the noise of TV that I forget how nice it is to hear nothing but my own thoughts. This is something I am thinking of in making decisions about my future. I know that I am phasing out of my career as a classroom teacher and with that will come a huge hole in socialization. If I make the move to tutoring my only connections to the outside professional world will be my students and their parents. It is not a deal breaker, just something that will come with the territory. I am not one of those people that really needs a lot of contact but it is interesting to think about where I will fill that need, should it occur. One of the thoughts that popped into my head today was the myriad of feelings that occurred the year I was laid off from my job. I literally did not know who I was without a teaching job. It was how I defined myself and my entire life became a house of cards without it. I don't think that will happen this time simply because it is my choice this time around. But it is good to mull around all the pieces that go into my life before I cut one of them completely out. Another funny thing has popped up. It occurred to me that next year will be my 22nd year of teaching - the same exact number of years that I was married. That must mean something. 22 is clearly my line of demarcation! It makes me wonder what will be next. Home ownership perhaps? Or maybe I'll just be doing my next career for another 22 years. I just love what pops us when the mind isn't full of other things.

Happy Birthday Grandpa

March 2 is the birth date of 2 wonderful men, Dr. Seuss and Don Allen. Every year for my grandfather's birthday I write him a letter sharing how important he is to me. This year has been a challenge. For one thing, I've been doing this since he turned 95 and now at a whopping 103, I have run out of themes and metaphors. My heart is still full of love and gratitude for this amazing man but somehow the words haven't come together as nicely this time around as they have in the past. But, nonetheless, here is the current edition.

Happy Birthday Grandpa! Those have become three of my favorite words. But of the three words, of course, the best is Grandpa! The word Grandpa has become synonymous with love. Just saying the word increases my heart rate, I get a little light headed and I feel warm and fuzzy all over. It brings to mind the endless number of memories I have of you, starting from my first few years of life up to and including today.

As your birthday approaches my mind and heart merge as one and I begin thinking love. Months in advance travel plans and arrangements are made to leave my home and classroom behind. All I can think about is how lucky I am that I have one more chance to celebrate your birthday. The thought of Grandpa’s Birthday Hug overpowers almost any obstacle.

There can never be enough of your birthdays for me. I no longer think about your age or the idea that you are getting older. It is just another number that is added on each year and another chance for me to be in your loving presence. I believe that you are with us here today because we all still need you. We are simply not ready to let you go. I, for one, am still learning the secrets of life from you. My most recent venture into egg production has made that abundantly clear. You were one of my primary sources of information about raising chickens and it turned out that, once again, you were the expert. You beat out every chicken internet website and California urban farmer that I spoke to. Your words to me when my chickens laid their first eggs in the dark days of late December will forever ring in my ears. “Tere, you’ve got to learn to listen to me.” Yes, Grandpa, you’re right, I do need to remember to listen to you. You still have so much teaching to do and I am still that little girl, looking up into your eyes, knowing that your words are some miraculous combination of love and wisdom all wrapped up into one. Your stories, your advice and your wisdom continue to guide me. I am honored and blessed to still be learning from you and loving every minute of it. And today, I have the great pleasure of giving you your 103^rd birthday hug.