Yesterday was one of those days that could be a metaphor for the ups and downs of an entire lifetime. We soar like a kite set free on the highs and plummet to the ground with a deafening crash as we suddenly realize we have lost our safety net.
March 2nd is always circled and starred on my calendar. This year it was the celebration of my grandfather's 102nd birthday. Birthdays are now and always have been a big deal in my family. It's YOUR day, one out of 365. For me there is no difference between the feelings that surround birthday celebrations today and those of my childhood. And Grandpa is 102! I have to say that the longer my grandfather lives, the fewer words I have to express my feelings about him. He is just the best thing ever.
This same day also brought another middle school first. One of our students was kicked out of her house by her mother. I'm still searching for a place to put this in my head and heart. 24 hours later, it is still floating adrift. She is lucky enough to temporarily be living with her grandparents but for the first time in a long time I had the inclination to take a student home with me. Jack could have healed a lot of her pain - not all of it because it's running pretty deep these days but a loving beagle can do more than one would think. I wanted her to be able to sleep deeply and wake up to breakfast and love and the knowledge that she mattered.
And then the crowning blow hit. A much loved teacher at Sutter was diagnosed with cancer. The original diagnosis was lung and pancreatic. Today brought kidney, liver and spleen. I am praying as hard as I know how and still feel like it is not enough. Every spare minute brings me back to thoughts of her, her family, the Sutter community and all the lives she has touched in her 44 years of teaching.
These events all bring me screeching back to the knowledge that I live in a very protective bubble. I always have. I was raised in Iowa in a time when life was just simpler. I loved being able to run free and know that home was always waiting for me at the end of the day. I believed that everything always eventually had a happy ending. I want to believe that again. 6th graders did not get kicked out of their homes. Nobody close to me got sick and died. So here I am all grown up and trying as hard as I can to patch up my bubble to feel safe again. But as quickly as I fix one tear another one splits open. I can't seem to keep the sadness of the world out this time.
But tomorrow is my sister's birthday. So it is time to celebrate again. Yes, our lives are filled with highs and lows, joys and sorrows. The highs are higher because of the lows. It is the yin and the yang, the balance of the universe that keeps us moving forward. We party hard with the good times and do the best we can to pick up the pieces of our heart in the bad times. And through it all we revel in the love that surrounds us. We support one another as best we can and know that in the end we have lived life fully.
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