Time

As I re-embrace this state of retirement, my mind consistently returns to the concept of time and how it is used in the world.  Everyone I've ever known who has had the privilege of being retired will say the same thing, "I don't know how I ever had time to work."  Yes, the days just seem to fill themselves over and over again.  You awake with the question of what this day will bring and before you know it, you are entering into the quiet of the evening.

Having done this before, I definitely knew what to expect this time around but in many ways, this experience has been very different and it's all about the time.  Retiring to a new state brings with it an excitement and sense of exploration that doesn't exist when you simply leave the work world and go home. Much of my planning for the day in both Washington and Florida centered on destinations; things to see, places to go. The planning phase of my days here are on the doing of life; praying, walking, reading, writing, thinking.  From day to day the chunks of time vary depending on other obligations and the activity is chosen according to the time available.  Everything feels negotiable and doable.  If it doesn't happen today, maybe it will tomorrow.  And if it doesn't happen tomorrow, maybe it's just not that important.  This is extremely counter cultural. In the capitalistic fast-paced society that governs most lives there is a feeling of the imperative; things must be done right here right now or in the time that is set aside for them.  This is especially true in the academic world that is purposefully divided into semesters, weeks, days and periods. A 10:00 meeting on Tuesday moved to Wednesday is a cumbersome task at best. The freedom that I now enjoy is something unheard of for others in our success driven planet Earth.

Personally, it has required a transplant of the phrase "all will be well" with "it doesn't matter."   I no longer need to console myself that when things run late or don't go according to plan, I will make up the time somewhere else.  No, time now seems to be an infinite resource (although I know that ultimately is far from true.). Time is that lavish gift, generously given by God for us to use as we see fit.  If I can't fall asleep or wake up during the night for no reason, it doesn't matter; I'll sleep in tomorrow.  If I go over a projected plan of reading or writing, it doesn't matter; I'll do what didn't get done another time. If I'm not in the mood to repot the plants this afternoon, it doesn't matter; there's always tomorrow. In this transitional period while I am recalibrating my focus on time, I feel utter joy and freedom while I once again tell myself that it doesn't matter.  I am completely present to whatever project which currently has my focus and that is a sublime gift in itself. But it bears asking, what if I could have seem time as this seemingly boundless commodity decades ago when I was racing through life?  There is no looking back but I definitely have my eyes here and now, open to all this sense of freedom brings along for the ride.