The Pilgrim Returns

 A few days ago I returned from 12 days in Spain and a pilgrimage from Azpeitia to Barcelona following the journey of Ignatius of Loyola.  I went into this adventure with anticipated views of a dirt or rock path and little else.  So I was certainly unprepared for the beauty of the mountains and valleys of the northern provinces of Spain.  I also assumed that all would be revealed to me while walking the path of the Camino.  Granted, there were thoughts and images that brought many questions to a close but I certainly did not receive any answers to the big questions: What do I do next?  Which direction do I follow?  

So what was it all about?

Gifts of the pilgrimage:

• God is with me. Traversing the mountain from Arantzazu was definitely a challenge and as I struggled to breathe and walk simultaneously I called on God (something I have struggled to do in real time of challenges). As I attempted to put one foot in front of the other I repeatedly told myself, God is here, God is with me, I am not alone.
• I am human with physical limitations.  The last 3 miles down the mountain brought back to me the pain of my running years and the tightening of my IT Band.  My only consolation was that if I could keep my knee from bending, I was pain free so I knew it wasn't anything serious.  I was humbled to come to terms with the fact that I would not be walking the entire pilgrimage.  I am grateful that experiences with half marathons taught me that every body has a tipping point and you just can't push past the pain without creating much more serious problems.  "No!" rings through the air.  
• Being in the same space of a man I have respected for years, 500 years later was quite overwhelming.  I was breathing the air Iñigo breathed, I stood in his family kitchen, I stood beside his death mask and sat with him in the cave in Manresa where he too wrote his thoughts.  I felt his spirit everywhere and struggled to leave behind each of those spaces.  
• My plan of getting a simple tattoo before I left has grown into a much more complex design.  I fear that no longer will it fit on my wrist where I would see it daily.  I'm trusting that with Tessa's help, "all will be well."
• I can't explain how I know it, but I was reassured that my invitation to the Pierre Favre program in September is exactly where I need to be.  The feeling that you are at least heading in the right direction is enough to know that this is the call.  
• Being invited into the stillness.  The quiet reflection of the pilgrimage has continued as I have returned home and attempt to find my place in the world again.  I step slowly into my life once more.  Returning home as retired is extremely helpful to my prayer practice.  It is day 3 and I remain significantly outside the world.  I am reconnecting with family and friends that I know will attempt to understand this experience or at least nod their heads knowing that whatever it is I experienced was something beyond language and was all good.  

When people ask me about the pilgrimage, I just say Spain is beautiful.  There is little else I can say about a pilgrimage that is supposedly a trek up and down a mountain and through the valleys toward the docks of Barcelona but in actuality mostly takes place in your inner being.  So I slowly, ever so slowly reenter life extremely aware that God is guiding my steps if only I take the time to wait, ponder, and reflect.