Wednesday, February 15, 2023

Discernment is Ongoing

 The question remains; what is the next right thing?  I made the decision and then the decision changed.  Sometimes discernment is me looking at life and making a choice based on what has happened.  And sometimes discernment is the events changing me and I realize immediately that this reality must stop.  And that is what has happened over the last few weeks.  Work is work but at times it takes on a life of its own and I just ride along.  But every time the roller coaster hits the peak, I have a moment to look out at the horizon and what I see scares me.  In that fear comes the realization that this is not what I signed up for and I no longer have the skills necessary to do the work.  When work invades my personal life and as I count the days since I have seen my children or grandchildren, I move past my ten fingers, something must change.  I am hit in the face with the knowledge that the decision you made just a few weeks ago is no longer valid.  No, this decision is not to be placed at the feet of my principal; it is mine to make.  As much as I want to say yes, this one is a no.  I choose life beyond the school walls.  I choose the role of grandmother over administrator.  I choose time - time to pray, time to write, time to be a friend and daughter/sister/mom/grandma.  I, once again, choose retirement.   

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