Enough!

An Open Letter to the Authorities:

As educators and students, we have done everything you have asked, demanded, or required to curb school shootings and none of them have had any impact.  Our children are still dying; being slaughtered at the hands of angry young men who have easy access to firearms.  They are being shot in cold blood as they cower under their desks or self-created blockades and you, the ones who have sworn to protect them do nothing; literally nothing.  You asked me to pray for Uvalde and I have complied but not for what you might expect.  I pray day and night that this is the one; that this school shooting will be the one to bring us to our knees.  

We ask our children for their forgiveness that in our deep desire to protect them, everything we put them through was for naught.  You said increase mental health services.  You said limit access at entry points.  You said employ armed guards.  You said have regular active shooter drills (without concern for the trauma this supposed preparation might have on the hearts and minds of our youngest children).  We did all of it and in return the sacrifice of helpless children has not only continued but increased.  We have raised a generation of children to fear for the one place outside of their home that they should feel safest, their school.  We have trained our boys and young men that an active shooter drill is a lesson that they can use later when life feels hopeless.  

The one thing you didn't do is limit access to firearms.  You refuse to pass a Red Flag law; you refuse to take automatic weapons off the streets, even though they can serve no possible purpose in our society; you refuse to admit that you might have been wrong.  In the name of our children, let's try a new option. Let's start by putting our children above the gun lobby, its money, and its power.  Say yes to the Red Flag law.  Say yes to banning assault weapons.  Say yes to raising up a generation of children who don't need to memorize code words or at the age of 5 know how to excel in the building of blockades before they learn the power of literacy.  If we, as Americans, truly believe in the sanctity of life, let's do everything we can to be sure our children can grow into healthy and productive adults.  May the 19 children of the Uvalde school shooting be the last that we grieve and mourn as we lay them to rest.  

Final Thoughts on the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises

God has called me his Beloved.  I am HIs and He is mine.  The Exercises began exactly

where I left of in the cell of El Retiro more than five years earlier,  feeling completely

enveloped in the love of God and yet fearful of meeting God's deep loving gaze. 

The loving gaze of God was something to which I would slowly grow accustomed

during the Exercises and learn to welcome.  In the beginning tears always accompanied

this experience.  Who was I that God could love me so deeply?  This was followed by

the hollowing out of my ego and sinful self to make room for the loving presence of God

that would reside in me forever.  These were days of extreme discomfort and unexplainable

tears.  When it had passed, my promise was to love, honor, and praise God in my words,

thoughts, and actions.  I began to say Yes following the model of Mary and I never stopped. 

Yes to daily prayer, yes to listening for the still, small voice of God in whatever form it took,

yes to my loved ones, yes to the call - whatever it might be. 

 

Throughout the Exercises I "heard" God in new and astounding ways.  My weekly meetings

with Kelly, my Spiritual Guide, taught me to pay attention to the little things, to words and

phrases that I repeated n my sharing from week to week or month after month.  The result

was a primary teacher's Word Wall on my bathroom mirror reminding me daily of how God

was working in and through me.  God spoke to me in my dreams - a totally new experience

for this deep sleeper who has always yearned to remember her dreams.  God woke me with

songs in my head - some that I hadn't thought of for 30 years and some not since my

childhood.  What started as a lyrical mystery to be solved soon just became a welcome

reminder that God was with me at all times and nudging me into an awareness of that

presence in new and beautiful ways.  I entered the world of Christian, not specifically

Catholic, music and will never be he same.  Prayer took over my life as a constant

conversation with God.  Each morning I started with my email devotionals as I always

had but not until I had wished my Beloved a good morning and entered into deep gratitude

for what may lie ahead in this day.  I delayed my rising just to be in the loving presence of

God.  I felt his love surround me as I lay in the hollow of His cupped hands.  I never found

a systematic prayer time for the Exercises but I looked forward each day to sitting in my

prayer chair and saying Hello to the God who was always waiting for my greeting.  I

learned to begin with quiet music to calm my head and after a few minutes would look up

to hold God's loving gaze, the small act that would lead me into new and deeper

understandings of my faith, my love, and myself.  Ignatian Contemplation did not come

easily to me but as I stuck with it (thanks once again, to encouragement from Kelly) the

world of scripture as I had known it was broken wide open.  Readings I had heard in church

for decades, had read numerous reflections about , and had even taught  in Religion classes

suddenly held great epiphanies of what Jesus was all about and on a personal level,

God's plan for me.  As I traveled with Jesus during his ministry, God revealed to me what

my own journey had been and what He still had in store for me.  God spoke to me in my

thoughts but they were easily recognizable as being of and from Him.  He was now in my

head and heart and spirit.  My daily walks became time to give thanks for creation; I learned

to slow down and embrace all that had been given to me; to give thanks to be in this place

in this time.  My days were filled with gratitude and I was finally learning to live in the

moment and to be intentional. I could feel God's presence throughout my day and

at times it was overwhelmingly powerful.  Just as I started my days with God I looked

forward to ending them there as well.  In the daily Examen, God and I went through the

day together, sharing all the people and events that held grace for me and were messages

of where God was leading me. I finally understood the power of this simple prayer and

how it leads to discernment ever so gently and assuredly day by day. 

 

The urge became stronger and stronger to return home to the loving embrace of my family

and friends, to my spiritual home of the Mission Church, to the work that had been left

unfinished at Sacred Heart Nativity School.  The voices were many; Lucia, my

granddaughter whose dreams I will never again doubt, my mom who constantly

found new ways to say she didn't need me in Florida and it was OK to leave, 

my friends who revealed to me that my presence would be a loving balm to their wounds;

but more than all of these was the call of Jesus to return to the Eucharist.  The only thing

that all of these voices shared was their location - HOME.  So the release began.  I opened

my tight fisted-hold on my home, my possessions, my plan and embraced the unmarked

trail that was God's plan for me and me alone.  I learned, for the first time in my life, to

put my complete trust in a presence beyond that of my head or heart.  I embraced Ignatius's

prayer, the Suscipe and it became part of my daily mantra.  (Take Lord, receive all my

liberty, my memory, my understanding, my entire will - all I have and possess. You have

given all to me, Now I return it.  All of it is yours.  Dispose of it according to your will. Give

me only your love and your grace, that's enough for me.)  I took on the easy yoke of

Jesus and learned to love as He did, to leave my possessions behind and follow Him,

and to look at the world through his compassionate eyes. 

 

The me that I was, has been, and continues to change.  I look forward to what God has

planned for me as I listen for His voice in prayer, contemplation, music, and my dreams. 

I sit back and wait patiently, knowing that all God has planned for me is goodness. 

I was reminded of this at a recent homily about how God answers prayers - he

responds with yes, not yet, or I have a better idea.  I am trusting completely in all

three of these answers as I discern God's plan for all the grace and blessings that

wait for me in the days and years ahead.