There I said it, now I have to do it. I am in search of God, once again. It has been 14 years since my divorce from my husband and the Catholic Church. The latter has taken much longer and been much more difficult. I have walked over the threshold of several Catholic churches and back again many times trying to be a "good" Catholic or maybe just trying to forgive the church for being so blind. How can they eliminate so many good and loving people from their congregation because we happen to be divorced or gay? I will never understand it and clearly never get over it.
The church talk came up during The Cousins' Trip a couple times, sometimes over a glass or two of wine and sometimes morning coffee. So it started to stick and grow inside of me. My cousin gave me a suggestion about where to start looking and today was the birth of my journey. Like all journeys, I don't know where it will lead or how it will end but I am ready to begin. Being the age I am brings a lot of preconceptions to the faith department that I may or may not be able to reconcile. In all honesty I loved Catholic worship. It was full of ritual, customs, music and prayer. I'm still searching for that without the blinders and politics that come with the Catholic package. I really don't want to be a part of an organized religion because I don't want my prayer life to be tied to my checkbook.. I also have some weird little quirks about literal bible translations and assumptions about evangelical faiths. I'm slowly learning with the help of Google that most non-denominational churches actually have some ties to the evangelical movement. I have tried Unity and liked parts of it but it was just too vague and ambiguous for me to benefit from spiritually. And that's what this is all about for me, to find a spiritual home.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
The Gym
A few weeks ago I came to terms with the fact that if I was going to keep this running thing going, I was going to have to join the gym. Why? Because of darkness! A few months ago I thought I could solve this problem by simply wearing a headlamp and carry on as usual. But darkness brings more than the absence of light. It brings out people who don't want to be seen in daylight. I'm at a certain age and I simply don't want to deal with things that can be potentially dangerous like falling down or being hurt in some way. So the headlamp has moved out of my running gear and gone into the camping supplies. And I am making regular trips to Club One. The first trip was one of the most painful things I have done in quite a while. Running on a treadmill is just boring compared to being outside in the fresh air. But I wasn't ready for the heat. I did a 6 mile run and walked out of that place soaked. Since then, I had to recover from the Healdsburg Half Marathon so it meant I wasn't doing that much running. The good news is that I have been able to rebuild my distance again on the treadmill. I am learning what to "watch" while I run. One of the most enjoyable runs I've had so far was watching the final presidential debate. That would have been painful no matter what I was doing, so why not get a run in while you're at it.
The next step of my gym journey was to meet with a trainer. I wasn't looking forward to this but I also knew I needed to balance my running with some strength training. All I wanted was for him/her to just hand me a program and let me go on my merry way. But that was not to be. Oh no. They want to get to know you and weasel you into a training program. So along the way they did some evaluation - weight, blood pressure, measurement of different parts of the body, bicep strength, squats, and pushups. I knew that I was in better shape than I have ever been before but I had no idea how that would play out in a numbers game. My numbers kept coming up in the physically fit category and bordering on an athlete. I have never thought of myself as an athlete so the term just made me giggle. But when the measurement of my body fat came out at 19% I stood up and took notice. And for my final smile of the night, the trainer informed me that my athletic age is not my chronological 58 but rather 54. How about that? A few months of run/walking and I just gained 4 years. Awesome!
The next step of my gym journey was to meet with a trainer. I wasn't looking forward to this but I also knew I needed to balance my running with some strength training. All I wanted was for him/her to just hand me a program and let me go on my merry way. But that was not to be. Oh no. They want to get to know you and weasel you into a training program. So along the way they did some evaluation - weight, blood pressure, measurement of different parts of the body, bicep strength, squats, and pushups. I knew that I was in better shape than I have ever been before but I had no idea how that would play out in a numbers game. My numbers kept coming up in the physically fit category and bordering on an athlete. I have never thought of myself as an athlete so the term just made me giggle. But when the measurement of my body fat came out at 19% I stood up and took notice. And for my final smile of the night, the trainer informed me that my athletic age is not my chronological 58 but rather 54. How about that? A few months of run/walking and I just gained 4 years. Awesome!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Last Weekend Continued: The Healdsburg Half
Last weekend was not only my dream come true of riding in a hot air balloon over the vineyards of Sonoma County but it was also the culmination of 7 months of training to run a half marathon. This is something that last March was simply not in my wildest dreams or even a remote possibility. Back then I was only working towards running a 5K. Back then I was also on anti-inflammatory drugs just so I could walk around the house. Enter the most amazing chiropractor ever and my first experience with my body saying NO to my head. Over the past few months, I have learned to listen to people who know more than I do as well as the little flinches and throbs of my back, hip and thighs. Somehow I have gone from running 3 miles to 13 miles. Now I am still not all out running but there is definitely more running than walking going on!
The selection of Healdsburg was merely by chance. My original plan was the San Jose Rock and Roll Half marathon, because a) it's flat and b) I've walked it before and knew if worse came to worst I could at least finish it walking. But it didn't quite fit the training schedule because of our early October cousins' trip to Santa Cruz. So when I did my search and found a half that was in my favorite town of northern California and also served wine afterwards I was in!
My only concern was the "rolling hills" they briefly mentioned on the web site. I don't do hills and I didn't do any training on them unless you count walking The Dish at Stanford a few times. I drove the course the night before and was appalled. There weren't a lot of them but there were definitely more hills than I had ever run before. I resigned myself to giving up any thought of a new record or even keeping a 12 minute pace.
The next morning in typical Tere-style, my brain argued with itself about what was possible and what was a "good" idea. So by the time I reached the start line I knew exactly what was about to happened. I started off ready to walk the first quarter to half mile and slowly get into my regular pace for as long as I could. I would walk the hills and run in the last mile or so hoping to stay close to a 12 minute pace. I started off walking but it didn't last long. As those around me started running so did I. I was surrounded by fog and loved it. I started my run and my mind roamed about as it always does. The first 2 miles were very emotional for me; I'm still not sure why. Part of it I know was total disbelief that I was actually pulling it off. But I think most of it was because Maria, knowing the thumps and bumps along the way had come to see me cross the finish line. Not only her, but Bill and the kids too. This was a huge sacrifice for them and I knew exactly how challenging it had been.
The miles slipped by and I took the hills in stride. My pace was steady and consistent. Around about mile 8 there was a pain I had never felt before making itself known to me. As the intensity grew, the gnawing in the back of my mind went from questioning the cause to what I should do about it. Nothing was making a difference I tried several times to stop and stretch it out. That relieved it for about 4 or 5 strides and then it was back again. I tried walking it out. No difference there either. So my choice was to throw in the towel or somehow make it to the finish line. I sucked it up and prayed I wasn't doing anything stupid, put my head down and walked/ran my way to the finish line. From mile 10 to 13 there was a lot of cursing going on under my breath but somehow I kept plodding along. There is nothing in the world that could have prepared me for the last half mile. I was absolutely overjoyed to be finishing the race and gave it everything that I had left Crossing the finish line, I would swear I saw myself from behind. Within minutes I saw Maria walk by with Callie and in that instant my joy was complete! I had done it and I overflowed with pride, gratitude for everyone who had gotten me there, and an unimaginable depth of love for Maria, Bill, Callie, and Lucia for being there to share in that moment. It was a moment that will never be repeated and can never be adequately described in words. Perhaps the picture below will help. I still find it difficult to believe that it happened but pictures don't lie; they only stop time.
My recovery is complete and I am getting mentally ready to do it again. Monterey, here I come!
The selection of Healdsburg was merely by chance. My original plan was the San Jose Rock and Roll Half marathon, because a) it's flat and b) I've walked it before and knew if worse came to worst I could at least finish it walking. But it didn't quite fit the training schedule because of our early October cousins' trip to Santa Cruz. So when I did my search and found a half that was in my favorite town of northern California and also served wine afterwards I was in!
My only concern was the "rolling hills" they briefly mentioned on the web site. I don't do hills and I didn't do any training on them unless you count walking The Dish at Stanford a few times. I drove the course the night before and was appalled. There weren't a lot of them but there were definitely more hills than I had ever run before. I resigned myself to giving up any thought of a new record or even keeping a 12 minute pace.
The next morning in typical Tere-style, my brain argued with itself about what was possible and what was a "good" idea. So by the time I reached the start line I knew exactly what was about to happened. I started off ready to walk the first quarter to half mile and slowly get into my regular pace for as long as I could. I would walk the hills and run in the last mile or so hoping to stay close to a 12 minute pace. I started off walking but it didn't last long. As those around me started running so did I. I was surrounded by fog and loved it. I started my run and my mind roamed about as it always does. The first 2 miles were very emotional for me; I'm still not sure why. Part of it I know was total disbelief that I was actually pulling it off. But I think most of it was because Maria, knowing the thumps and bumps along the way had come to see me cross the finish line. Not only her, but Bill and the kids too. This was a huge sacrifice for them and I knew exactly how challenging it had been.
The miles slipped by and I took the hills in stride. My pace was steady and consistent. Around about mile 8 there was a pain I had never felt before making itself known to me. As the intensity grew, the gnawing in the back of my mind went from questioning the cause to what I should do about it. Nothing was making a difference I tried several times to stop and stretch it out. That relieved it for about 4 or 5 strides and then it was back again. I tried walking it out. No difference there either. So my choice was to throw in the towel or somehow make it to the finish line. I sucked it up and prayed I wasn't doing anything stupid, put my head down and walked/ran my way to the finish line. From mile 10 to 13 there was a lot of cursing going on under my breath but somehow I kept plodding along. There is nothing in the world that could have prepared me for the last half mile. I was absolutely overjoyed to be finishing the race and gave it everything that I had left Crossing the finish line, I would swear I saw myself from behind. Within minutes I saw Maria walk by with Callie and in that instant my joy was complete! I had done it and I overflowed with pride, gratitude for everyone who had gotten me there, and an unimaginable depth of love for Maria, Bill, Callie, and Lucia for being there to share in that moment. It was a moment that will never be repeated and can never be adequately described in words. Perhaps the picture below will help. I still find it difficult to believe that it happened but pictures don't lie; they only stop time.
My recovery is complete and I am getting mentally ready to do it again. Monterey, here I come!
Life List: Hot Air Balloon Ride
This item on the life list is most likely the thing that started it all. A little more than 18 years ago I had the notion that I would like to celebrate my 40th birthday by riding in a hot air balloon with my family. There was only one problem; no one in my family was willing to join me. So for the past 18 years it has been both a point of sadness and a dream. Well, it seems that my children did not forget. My son and his girlfriend purchased a groupon thing for a hot air balloon ride in Santa Rosa for my birthday. A couple things happened and the universe moved things in alignment so I would just happen to be in the Santa Rosa area this past weekend. That is a separate post to come!
The balloon ride was absolutely everything that I thought it would be - quiet, peaceful, that sensation of floating in air. But this little venture had an added bonus. The company included every aspect of ballooning in the package. We were there, and could be a part of it all from beginning to end. We watched them inflate the balloon and heat the air, tip the basket up and launch it. We also saw how the balloon was deflated and packed away for the next day. I don't know if everyone would want that included in their hot air balloon ride, but for me, who had waited so long for this to happen, it was an added bonus.
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