Alaska

Here it is! The most amazing thing that I have ever seen in my life!



Although I had seen hundreds of pictures of Alaska and its grandeur, nothing could prepare me for what I was about to experience. When people ask me about it, I am left relatively speechless. We overuse words in the English language so there are no words left to describe extreme experiences and emotions like this was for me. The first one that comes to mind is awesome but that doesn't work anymore. I like to say that I was awestruck. That helps to explain my silence. It was amazing, unbelievable, and any other extreme adjective that comes to mind. I knew that I would cry when I actually saw the glacier because I have always been teary just watching them break away and splash into the ocean on a monitor of any sort. That was about the melting, the loss, the irretrievability and finality of it. But that wasn't it when I actually saw and heard it. It was just so beautiful. I have never cried at seeing natural beauty before. This was a first. I was struck by thinking about those rocks and frozen water that had literally been carried through eons of time and here they were being dropped at our feet to do with as we would. It is such an awesome responsibility. (There's that word again.) Everything was much more intense than I expected. The blue of the sky and the sun glistening on icebergs floating by. The sight of splashing chunks being sheared off and the slight delay before hearing the splash followed by the oohs and ahhs of the humans witnessing the new water being born. Seeing a fishing boat float by and seeing how small we all are in comparison to the massiveness of glaciers and mountains and oceans. Being amazed at the wonder of nature when we allow it to work its magic - snow, rain, ice, water - and how we humans have the power to mess it up so easily even when we have no intention to do so. After all, what was the increase in my annual carbon footprint as I floated by on this 9 story hotel just so I could witness Mother Nature in action? This glacier was what the trip to Alaska was all about for me. The rest were all extras. And there were a lot of extras. The Float Plane tour over the glaciers around Juneau gave me the aerial perspective which is completely different. There were jagged peaks and crevasses that literally scared me and a blue so blue that I felt like I had never seen blue before. I saw whales and dolphins and eagles and never lost the amazement of it. There is absolutely nothing like witnessing animals in their own environment. I loved the smallness of the towns in Alaska and the awareness that there is no choice given the terrain. You can't really grow a city when surrounded by mountains on 3 sides and the ocean on the other. I had the feeling that this will always be as it is today and the ruggedness of it is the gift that will keep it so. I know in my head that we humans will find a way to destroy it because we have dynamite and other explosive tools at our disposal but I hope that we won't feel the need for that for many generations to come. I want my children and my grandchild to look at a piece of our world that has been unspoiled and to know that once long, long ago, it was all this beautiful.

Brithday Gratitude

My birthday has always been a day of gratitude. As a small child, the day was completely dedicated to me. That was really something in a family of 6 and I have never forgotten the importance of having a day that was all mine to do with as I pleased. To this day, my birthday is one of my favorite days of the year, second only to Thanksgiving. It turns out that the two days are more closely related than I would have thought. My birthday has always been a day of gratefulness. As a child it was getting what I wanted to eat for dinner, those beautifully wrapped presents, family time and of course, cake! As I aged, the feeling of blessed began to appear until today that is what the whole day is all about. I start my day reading my cards and e-mail messages and am reminded of my love for the written word. Love put into words becomes eternal. The rest of the day cannot compare to that simple event of just opening myself up to receive love from my family and friends. As the hours tick by I find myself looking back on my life lived and forward to whatever is to be. It is just a wonderful feeling to stop and ponder all that I have been given. This year the feeling has intensified to the nth degree. I am just in a wonderful place in time. I still have no wealth in monetary measure but am I ever rich. Callie has opened up brand new hopes and dreams for all that is yet to be. I love watching Maria and Bill parent and talk about parenting. My relationship with Dave has never been better. Nothing can compare with the laughs we have had in the past few months. I am reminded of how lucky I am to have my parents in my life as well as my grandfather. Not many people have the chance to follow their life guides this far on the journey. I just feel like I have it all. I live in a perfect climate, have great friends with all I can eat right outside my back door. I just can't imagine a life better than mine. Today is a day of gratitude. Thanks, Mom and Dad for giving me life and leading me to this point. I am a very happy woman.

Blessing Callie - Final Version

Callie Helena,
May you always know the circle of love that surrounds you at this moment. Let it bring you strength so that you can draw from it whenever you may need to.

Listen to your heart. It will guide you In all things.

You are a unique and special being and are here for a purpose that only you can fulfill. Believe in yourself and become who you were meant to be.

Live mindfully and fearlessly. Be happy. And dance, Baby, dance.

Blessing Callie - Version 1 (too long)

Callie Helena, you slid into this world and blessed us all by magically turning us into parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends and guardians of your very being.

You have been born from and into love, may you always be embraced by it and know the strength that it will bring you.

Your name means beauty and it fits you perfectly. May you be surrounded with grace and beauty all the days of your life.

May you be blessed with good health and live a long and happy life.

May you always know that you are a unique and special being and that you have been born for a purpose that no one else can fulfill. Believe in yourself and be the you that you are the meant to be.

May you forever know the bounty of planet Earth that has been placed in your hands.

My hope for you is a life well lived, filled with true happiness, the joy of simple gifts that will make you rich beyond measure, and the love of adventure that will fulfill all your wildest dreams.

Dearest Callie,
On this your blessing day, we send forth the love that has been tucked away in our hearts, that it may surround you and protect you all the days of your life. Call upon it whenever you need to and it will give you strength. You have blessed us all by coming to Earth and we give thanks for your love, your grace and your beauty. In return, we promise to guide and nurture you in all things - physical, intellectual, and spiritual. You are a special gift to each of us and we are eternally grateful. We promise you our unending love and devotion.

Going "Home"

I am back home from my summer visit to Iowa. I make the trip often mainly for the purpose to see my grandfather. Iowa was my home for 17 years. My roots are there but I often forget that until I am back there. The dichotomy between life in Iowa and California is immense. It is hard to believe that a person can be raised in the simplicity of an agrarian culture and somehow find a way to create life in the craziness that is California. But my visits to Iowa always somehow complete me. It is the "Oh yeah. I remember this." It puts the pieces back together and the picture puzzle finally comes into view. My trip always includes drive-bys of the different houses my family lived in and of my grandparent's old house, a visit to my brother's grave, and seeing relatives and family friends. My head and heart overflow with each visual image. The memories flood my mind, both good and bad and I suddenly remember what I loved about Iowa as a child and hated as a adult. It is cold - no frigid, in the winter, and hot and humid and unbearable in the summer. But it is also incredibly beautiful with green flowing fields of corn and soy beans. Cool summer evenings bring the miracle of lightning bugs. The people are down to earth and of the earth. Everybody there gets the importance of a vegetable garden. It is not uncommon at all to see portions of even front yards dedicated to tomatoes and beans. Everything there seems big - big yards, big views, wide expanses of land dedicated to freeway exits that you just don't see in California. It is miles and miles to the grocery store but in-between your house and the store are those beautiful corn fields, the K-12 school I attended, the creek where my little brother died and finally stores come into view. Life in Iowa is more thought out. There is more planning for things as simple as meals and what we're going to do today. Californians would never dream of stocking up the way Iowans do. They live the realities of what nature might bring - tornadoes, hail, floods, destruction of crops and your way of life, snow, ice, blizzards. Life in Iowa is hard. I am reminded that it is there that at least some of my strength came from as a child. Iowans endure, they overcome adversity and they come out on the other side. There is a dedication to family and neighbors that is uncommon today. People know you and your family, what your siblings have done or where they are now living. It's a little like having a family tree imprinted on your forehead at birth. It is disarming and takes me by surprise every time I am there. There is a welcoming attitude in everyone you meet. People say hi and greet you as you pass. They are friendly and helpful. While I love being there while I am there, I am always happy, almost relieved to come back home. Ah... California. This is the me now. I love my house, love my yards, love my dog, and love being close to my kids. This is home.