Don Allen was my dad. No one could look at the two of us together and not see the
resemblance. I have his nose and probably his stubborn streak as well. But he was
also one of my most important mentors. I looked up to him from my earliest days
and never stopped. Now, as I remember his life, I am deeply aware of the indelible
gifts that he has left with me.
hard to make him proud. Anyone who knew him, knows what a difficult goal that was.
He pushed me to be the best I could be in all aspects of my life and was never afraid
to let me know when I had missed the mark. So as the third child when my turn came
to leave the nest, I knew that somehow I had to get my college degree. There would be
no plausible explanation for failing. HIs happiness at my graduation made it worth all of
the work and time. He was never one for many words of pride in his children but as he got older, they came more freely. So on round two, when I returned to school to get my master’s degree, he was once again sitting in the audience as my biggest cheerleader.
One of the simplest things he taught me was, be responsible. When you got in trouble with Dad, it was never a good idea to try to cover it up or lie about it. If he caught you in a lie, the punishment just went from 0 to 60. This I know from years of experience. He taught me that an Allen’s word was your bond so if you said something, you had better be ready to stand behind it. It was a lesson that has guided my life in innumerable ways.
Dad also left me with the gift or curse of perfectionism and an eye for symmetry. No one ever enjoyed being a part of any of his projects that involved placement or centering. He may need a measuring tape and level but you can be darn sure that when he was done, it would be perfectly positioned. He had the incredible knack of being able to look at a task and know immediately how to go about completing it. Had he been born at another time, he would surely have been an engineer.
Patience however, was not his forte, so when working as his assistant you had to pick up on things quickly. His expectations were high so I learned fast that I had better figure out how to anticipate what was coming next. If not, you can be sure that his volume would be going up and the criticism would be harsh. One of my favorite memories of my dad was when we had planned on putting in a deck at my house and I finally had the courage to tell him that I could only help him if he promised not to call me names. He agreed to my conditions and remained good to his word.
Patience however, was not his forte, so when working as his assistant you had to pick up on things quickly. His expectations were high so I learned fast that I had better figure out how to anticipate what was coming next. If not, you can be sure that his volume would be going up and the criticism would be harsh. One of my favorite memories of my dad was when we had planned on putting in a deck at my house and I finally had the courage to tell him that I could only help him if he promised not to call me names. He agreed to my conditions and remained good to his word.
My dad also had many strengths of which I never acquired. He had a great memory and as a result was a good storyteller. Even if you had just met him, he had a story to tell you. Work was his purpose in life. He never enjoyed puzzles or games but if something needed to get done, he was your guy. His goals were always clear. If he set out to do something, you can be sure that it was going to happen one way or the other. There was no obstacle big enough to keep him from achieving it. He lived life on his own terms. As a contractor in Iowa, he worked through frigid cold winters and horribly hot summers. So the move to Florida in 1973 made it possible to work and earn a living in much more pleasant conditions. With the help of a few contacts and simply his inner drive to succeed, he was able to make the transition from owning a construction company with his brother to a much bigger field of play.
I was the lucky kid who got to share time with him at the end of his life journey.
In this past year, I have witnessed so much. I have seen the deep love he had
for my mom, the woman who for 70 plus years he called his girlfriend. I have
seen how a man of strength comes to terms with his own humanity as gracefully
as possible. I have also seen the spiritual side of my father take precedence over
anything here on earth. We have had some great conversations about some very
deep subjects and I will be forever grateful for our time together. As his child, I never
stopped learning from him and I will miss him terribly. I will miss his stories, his
loving arms, his strong opinions about politics, and his advice for my DIY projects.
Thanks, Dad. Your work is done here. Now it’s time to rest. I love you.
