Pondering the End of Life

A very dear friend of mine is saying her final good-bye to her mother.  As a result, I too am saying good-bye to an amazing woman.  Lois is one of those women whom the minute you meet her, you become family.  You sit down to tea and cookies which are always on hand and you are immediately enveloped into the warmth of her kitchen and the embrace of her arms.  She constantly asks about you and what you are doing.  And they are never the easy questions.  She comments exactly the way a mom should - with love and acceptance but always challenging you to be the best you can be.  She believes strongly that we all leave our mark on the world and that it better be a good one.  She has made us all better than we would have been without her touch.  She dedicated her life to her family and was one of the most amazing cooks I have ever met.  But somehow she also knew what it was like to be a working mom and could put herself in my place without blinking an eye.  There is a part of me that still cannot accept or come to terms with the fact that in a matter of days or weeks she will be gone and we will be left with only memories of her.  I know that is a fact of life (and death) but it doesn't mean I have to like it.  Being 58 and still having the pleasure of my grandfather and parents' company here on earth doesn't make it easy to deal with death.  The advise I have received from everyone was to say my good-byes.  Her health has degenerated so quickly that it wasn't possible for me to do it face to face.  I can only pray that my parting words gave her half the joy that she gave to me in our time together.  Lois, I will miss you - more than you can ever know.

Dear Lois,

Life is made of opposites and they are what make it so beautiful.  Our joys are so much more joyful because of the sorrows that we endure.  The sunshine that comes after the rain is brighter because of the dreariness we have passed through.  And the pleasure of knowing you has become so much more precious because of the knowledge that you are leaving us.  I struggle to imagine a world without you because you have brought such incredible pleasure to every life you have ever touched in your short time here.  There have been many times that you were very simply the personification of Mom for me and lots of others.  You have been what every mom should be - loving, healing everything with a hug and something sweet but challenging us always to be more and to leave our mark on the world.  Every memory I have of time spent with you brings a smile and I consider myself so blessed to just have been in your presence. There are certain things that I see and I think only of you, tea pots, that certain hue of blue, the old homes of Los Gatos, apple pie.  You have left a mark on me that will never be erased.  From you I learned how to be a better teacher, a better mom and you ushered me into the amazing world of grandchildren.  I say good-bye to you today with the chance that it may be my last opportunity.  I pray that we have at least one more time to sit together and hold each other's hands and part with a hug.  But if you pass through to the heaven that awaits you before that happens I want you to know how deeply you are loved and what an amazing woman you are.  I pray that you enjoy your final days surrounded with the love of your family and friends in ways that you never dreamed possible.  I send this with all my love and admiration for you and the incredible life you have lived.  You have been an inspiration to me and I love you more than you can imagine