Aging; The Physical Side

I have often posted about reflections of where I am on my life journey; looking back, looking forward, pondering the family tree but it has always just been in my head. Now I can feel exactly where I am on the journey and the only word that comes to mind is ouch. A few months ago, I had set a goal for myself to transition from being a walker to a jogger. I knew that I would never move into the realm of running but I wanted to at least have both feet off the ground simultaneously. I did what I thought were all the right moves. I consulted people who knew me and how to go about it in a healthy way. I bought a few little tidbits that would help - better shoes, a GPS watch and heart monitor. And then I took off with the help of my iPhone app Couch to 5K. I was well on my way until a few weeks ago. On a random Wednesday morning I came back from my morning walk/run and could barely make it in the house. Somewhere around the 8th step past the doorway I missed one and my back seized. I somehow got through the day of lifting babies, icing my back on and off, and taking ibuprofin. The next day it was slightly better but that was the only improvement there was to be for a while. A few days later I drug myself to Kaiser and got the typical prescription for anti-inflammatories and even a serious pain killer but still no long term relief. I am now under the care of a chiropractor for the first time in my life. She is amazing but this is clearly going to be a long journey. I am learning a lot about bones, joints, ligaments and muscles but the crux of the matter is that there is no hope of me becoming a jogger or runner. I have scoliosis and a sacroilliac joint that has simply had enough of my shenanigans. I am limited to walking, cycling, swimming and yoga. The word limit is not one that I am very familiar with. I have always believed I could do anything I put my mind to. Now I am beginning to realize what it means to say can't. I can't walk more that a mile and a half a day. I can't do basic things like bend over and pick something up without wincing. I can't trust my body. That is the heart of it. So this is aging. Saying no to things that I have taken for granted for my entire life. It is no longer believing that I can set a goal and be able to accomplish it. It is being in pain and then being surprised when the pain is gone and remembering that this is what it used to be. It has created in me a sense of gratitude that I have never felt before - I am thankful when I stand up and my legs actually move forward, thankful that I CAN walk, thankful that I can continue to work and take care of myself. I am hopeful that I will one day be painfree but I know there is no guarantee of that. In the meantime I will continue walking every day for as long as I possibly can.