Saying Good-bye to Jen

The most difficult part of leaving teaching has been leaving my partner. I have told her that if anything would have kept me in it, it is her. We have been an amazing partnership, one that I never dreamed was possible. We complemented each other in incredible ways and our kids were better for it. But more importantly, we made each other better teachers and better human beings. And so, today, I say good-bye, praying that it isn't.

Dear Jen,
The time has come to write the words that I have been dreading for months now. It is still hard for me to believe that I am really saying good-bye to the finest teacher I have ever had the pleasure to call my partner. We have done some pretty amazing things together and I am so proud of who we have become in the process. We have guided, cajoled, prodded and lit a few fires for 180 incredible sixth graders in our time together. We were able to do it because we supported and nurtured each other. Someone from the outside looking in would see that support take many shapes and sizes. We challenged each other’s thinking, we shared honestly the obstacles in our paths, and we provided a strong and comforting shoulder to rest on when it was necessary. I have never seen or experienced anything like the relationship we have had for the past three years and to be completely honest, I never dreamed it was possible. We have laughed and cried together, fought the good fight in the name of our kids, and in the end have become better teachers. As I turn to leave, I hesitate and look back in fear of all that I am leaving behind. But then I realize I am only afraid of leaving you. You have been a friend, a counselor, a sister, and companion on the journey. I pray that we will find time to continue to nurture our relationships, every one of them. I have loved peaking into the lives of your family through your stories. You have made me laugh during the bleakest of moments. You have become a part of me that I never want to lose. Stay in touch my friend and I promise to do the same. So, I turn once again and leave my teaching partner behind but grab the hand of my friend. Walk along beside me on the journey, Jen.

All my love and admiration,
Tere

A Change in Attitude

The end is near. I can almost taste it. But sometimes, the taste is a little bitter when student behavior does not meet teacher expectations. Yesterday was an awful day - one of my worst. I was just so frustrated that at this point in time, the words I heard coming out of my mouth were still the same. "You don't have your assignment? I'm so sorry to hear that. Are you using your time wisely? Thank you to the people who are listening to directions." And then someone called out those words that I just can't handle. In a discussion about where his research paper might be, which was already a week late, he uttered those 2 little words, "my mom..." Now I have absolutely no idea what he was going to say about the part his mom might play in solving this problem because I LOST it. The strong students could be seen just shaking their heads because they knew what was coming while a few others just looked befuddled. That was the low of lows for me. I could not face another day that would end in a churning stomach, pounding headache and a voice that suddenly shot up an octave without warning. And so today, I walked in the door determined to smile, to laugh and to refuse to respond. And oh, did I laugh. In that laughter, I was able to let it go, let it all go and just take in the words and actions of kids who are left on their own to solve what might seem light unsolvable problems. I reveled in what can happen when standards and expectations are taken out of the equation and adults just let kids be. I had a good, good day and am officially finished with the teaching of these kids. I am letting them go, knowing that I have given them my best, more than I thought was humanly possible to give. And now there are a whole new set of lasts to record.
The last teachable moment - I think that was today.
The last field trip on Thursday.
The last locker check, also on Thursday.
And, most important,the last happy hour on Friday.

The Mark has Been Left

Although I am leaving Buchser after only 3 years, I have managed to leave a mark or two. This year was the year of return parents and requests for siblings. It has become known by parents and teachers alike that The Shark Team is a force to be reckoned with. I also did what I could to get a Buchser garden started. My dreams were big and I can thank Kyle for keeping my feet on the ground and my head out of the clouds. I prepared and planted the planter boxes on campus and even managed to get the Foods class teacher on my side as well as a 7th grade teacher that was interested in getting a group of her kids involved in a community service project. I had my highs and lows but all in all I felt pretty good about it all. But today I was able to watch my dream become a reality that will last for years to come. A Beautiful Day came to Buchser and Kyle put me in charge of the planting crew. Guys who love to dig in the dirt were thrilled to do whatever popped into my head. Plant beautiful perennials in the music building boxes. Done. Plant flowering trees in the science wing boxes. Done. Plant around the sign and entry way. Done. Add irrigation and trees to the B Quad. Done. It was amazing to watch people who actually know what they are doing do everything that would have taken me months to accomplish. It all made me feel so much better about leaving Buchser with the garden so beautiful. I know the Buchser garden will always be a thing of mine but for now I can let it go knowing that beauty has been left in my footprints.

What are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do? That is the question that I have learned to hate. And that is the question that is on everyone's mind. It is a compliment in some ways because it is born out of the realization that I am chronologically too young to be retiring. But I am tired of answering it. I am tired of the silence that immediately follows the question. I never know what to say or what attitude to infuse in the words.

The truth is that I don't really know what I'll be doing. I won't be in the classroom and that's all that is really certain. The rest will be made clear in the process of the days that pass one after the other. But that uncertainty makes people nervous and to be honest, it makes me darn nervous too.

I have several plans and hopefully the mishmash will provide a living in which a family of one girl, one dog and three hens will somehow be able to eat, continue to have a roof over all our heads and maintain the happiness with which we have all become accustomed. But please don't ask me what I'm gonna do. You might be surprised by the answer.

A Bunch of Lasts

This week has been a bunch of lasts. My classroom is finally cleaned out of everything that I am taking with me. My lesson plans are winding down and most of my copies have been made. I have made my last trip to the dumpster with my old files. I have made my last lesson plans. Every time I make the trip to the faculty work room, my brain immediately forms the question, "Will this be the last time I have to do this?" There is still no euphoria and the days are still dragging on. By Friday I feel totally exhausted and by Friday at 1:00 I can't imagine how I could possibly get through 2 more classes. But yet I do. Friday ends; I enjoy every minute of my weekends and on Monday I get up and start all over again. It feels like it will go on like this forever. This is definitely the longest end of the year I have ever had. I just can't wait for it all to be over. I feel sad saying that but it is the truth. I know that a lot of things go into this feeling. I have the most challenging class of my career. We are still being bombarded with budget cut politics. I am tutoring 6 hours a week beyond my regular work week. I am still in the midst of completing paperwork, phone calls and appointments for the next leg of my journey and my mind is never still. I wake up thinking about what I have to do in the next hour, during my prep period, after school and that night. I feel tired just walking out the door. And all I want to do is go out into the backyard and weed or seed or just sit in the sunshine. I know this will end - everything does but I am inclined at this point to just wish the next 3 weeks away, away, away.

What do you really really want in life?

This afternoon I caught the tail end of a conversation between a few teachers in the faculty lounge. It centered around soul mates and romantic love and such. When asked why I wasn't participating I avoided it all by simply saying that I had indeed had a great love that had unfortunately faded but I certainly didn't regret any of it. I'm not looking for romance. So then I was asked what I really really wanted in life and my response was "nothing." These ladies were definitely taken by surprise and simply responded that I must be very content. Yes that is the word for me, content. It is the reason that I am able to walk away from a well paying job and set my sail to the wind and trust that I will be taken to new and wondrous experience. I'm not wishing for anything because I have it all. I am surrounded by family and friends who understand and love me. I am healthy beyond belief. I live in one of the most amazing climates in the universe where I can grow my own food. I am surrounded by indescribable beauty everywhere I look. What more could a girl want?