Mission Accomplished

From the very beginning of my teaching career, making it to Halloween has always been an accomplishment. In the early days of first grade, it took that long for kids to get down the routines and for me to have a handle on who the characters would be. It also meant that I had gotten past parent conferences and survived Halloween itself. And that was no small feat when dealing with 6 year olds and sugar was involved. The years have past and I have moved up the grades until I find myself dealing with not 6 year olds but 6th graders. Halloween however remains my signpost that now all will be well. This year is no exception. I have taken on the challenge of teaching a reading intervention class in addition to developing a 6th grade reading curriculum. I am not unhappy about either of these, it is just a challenge. Despite the extra time and energy I need to remind myself that I am much happier being immersed in reading and writing than I was last year in writing and social studies. I am grounded once again in my love of language.

Today was the school world's celebration of Halloween. It was fascinating on so many levels. First is the costumes. Everyone should at one time in their life be on a middle school campus for Halloween. It's just fun. The personalities or perhaps their wished for personalities come out as big as life. They are just happy to be alive. And yet they are still able to conduct themselves in an academic manner. I don't do many videos in my classroom but I do try to incorporate the holiday into learning activities. You can't really ignore it when they walk in with big hats or wings or flapping capes.

I was also reminded today of one of the silly reasons I love middle school; the kids who are there leave and a new group comes in every hour. Today my partner and I switched things around so she could go to her daughter's school Halloween parade. The result was that I had the same group of kids for 3 periods - more than half my day. I did my best to smile and greet them with enthusiasm each time but I was reminded of my elementary experience of having the same kids all day long. There wasn't anything wrong with it at the time, but after being in middle school I have discovered that I like the change throughout the day.

So here we are at another Halloween, the crossroads of the school year. The worst is over and is a memory and the best is yet to come.

Fluctuating Standards

The Reading Intervention class has had an interesting effect on my usually solid standards of behavioral expectations. If principals from my past could observe me in the READ 180 classroom, they would need additional proof that the woman in front of the classroom is actually me. I am now in the business of making all kinds of deals to get kids to do what they need to do. I have become more flexible than I ever imagined possible. And, yes, it is beginning to produce effects. I suppose the primary one is that these kids are finally starting to believe that I care, that I'm not going anywhere, and that I will do anything for student success. The curriculum has become more predictable for them so they now know what is coming as we work our way through each unit. I still have a couple student challenges to overcome and I cannot predict the way it will all fall out when it's over. They will either be gone and replaced with other Far Below Basic students with a better attitude about life or we will continue this dance of making deals, enduring consequences, and making more deals. It is exhausting and stressful just thinking about what those two boys have in store for me on a day to day basis. I can let it go after second period but I seem to relive it every night before falling asleep. Sometimes I try it with a different ending just to get myself reading for the next day. The next morning I am able to put it on the back burner until I am heading out the door for the Read 180 classroom. Then the stress finds a home in my shoulders and I try to prepare for what lies ahead. If only I could figure out what that was before it hit me smack between the eyes. This week my most challenging student said to me, "I'll just do the rotation. I don't want to cause problems for you." WHAT? I was absolutely stunned. And then the other shoe dropped. He suggested that he might like to go to SSR to work on the class Red Ribbon Week poster. So we made our deal. He did his small group and computer work and I sent him off with a smile. We were both very happy with the results of the deal. But when asked what his plans were for the next day, he was very non-committal. So this was not the win that I thought it was. We'll just see what tomorrow brings.

The Reason People Leave Teaching

This morning I came in early to work to get a jump on next week. Instead I was confronted with a letter written by a parent to the vice principal. This letter was a scathing attack on me with a claim that I had been physical with her son on two occasions, that I was biased and had humiliated him in front of his peers. I was absolutely stunned. I have gone from shock to hurt to anger. The letter has settled in my stomach feeling like a solid punch that could take me out at any moment. It was in the middle stage of hurt that I had the great ah ha. Yes, this is why people leave the teaching profession. We pour our heart and soul into everything we do from planning to delivery to assessment and the public has nothing but criticism and wild accusations.

My next thought was that this was something that could easily go to the next level. Before you knew it, I could be left without a credential or job. I am blessed to be working for an amazing administration who know me well and understand the craziness of pre-adolescents and their parents. Nonetheless, I am left stunned by it all.

Attitude is Everything

Yesterday was the day I had been waiting for all year. It was the day determined by the district that the reading intervention program would give the first retest to determine progress made. I couldn't wait to see the look of happiness and pride when these students realized that with time and effort you could actually quantify learning. The first few students looked good. There was an increase 30-50 lexile points. Nice. I was hoping for more but this was a step in the right direction. Then things took a turn for the worse. The next few scores came out LOWER. And then it kept happening over and over again. By the end of the period 10 students improved and 10 went the other way. Thank God that 4 of them were absent. This is why I walked away from special education. I can't handle not believing that what I do makes a difference. But numbers don't lie, do they? So the end of class was an opportunity for them to think about the reason for their scores. My downward readers all said things about not really trying, guessing, not reading the whole passage, and not caring. How do I as a teacher MAKE students care about their own education and future? Maybe there is some illiterate teenager out there that could come give them a wake up call. It is clear that what I am saying and doing is having little effect. I am grateful to have the weekend to recover. Monday, there will be 10 students retaking the test with a hopefully improved attitude.

Acting Like I Care

I have been struggling the past couple weeks to keep my stamina up to last through the day. My reading intervention class still challenges me in the management department. They are just totally exhausting every minute of the 75 that I have them. I have begun to notice that by the time I get the second half of our team 5th and 6th periods, that there just isn't much of me left to give. I am trying out a little Love and Logic and it does seem to be helping but today I had to just give it up and take to the stage. As I walked to the door to greet them I knew I was going to have to dig down deep so I just pretended to be an actress who had nothing but energy and enthusiasm. I don't know where the energy reserve comes from in teachers when there isn't any left but sure enough, there it was. This was second draft day for our memoir unit. So I stood in front of the class and in my most exciting voice announced that this was the day they had been waiting for. And by golly, they believed it was. I love watching the reflection of my smile and energy coming back to me on their faces. But the truth is that I really am tired. It must be time for my annual blood test to check that darn thyroid. But for now I will just put away the character descriptions that need to be graded and go to bed. Hooray for Friday!

Old Fashioned Phones

Today was my turn to hold Homework Club in my room after school. One of the students had become confused about the location and wanted to call his dad to tell him where to pick him up. I suggested dismissing him a minute early so he could walk over to his classroom and meet his dad there but he wanted none of that. No, he couldn't waste a minute of homework club! So he whipped out his cell phone to call him. One look from me told him that it was too early for cell phone use. I pointed to the classroom phone on the wall and he said, "Oh no, Ms. Allen, my dad doesn't answer those kinds of phones." I started to explain that the age of the phone used to dial had nothing to do with the number dialed but just laughed instead. Yes, I still love 6th graders!

People We Put on the Shelf

This is a phrase I have used for many years inside my head. It has come to mean the family members or friends that we basically put on hold. It happens for a variety of reasons. Perhaps a family member continues to say the same thing over and over agian and only sees one facet of our being. Or maybe a friend can only see us serving a single purpose. You are my mom. You tell stories about my past and give advice about how to take the next step in life. You are my friend.I tell you about my problems and you listen. I don't listen to your problems; you listen to mine. When we put our friends and family members on a shelf a dangerous thing happens. We define who they are and their role in life and they remain in that position "forever." They are stuck in time. I have done it to friends and family and it has been done to me. Sometimes it happens as a result of the business of our lives and we just get in the habit of life without them. Sometimes it is purposeful because it is just too difficult to continue the relationship in the state it is in. It seems to have happened a lot in my family and I still have no idea of how to fix it. That's because people can't be fixed. We are who we are, a constant work in process. Every day changes who I am and who I am becoming. I meet new people and they change my perspective on my life and my history. I am a reflector so the meaning I put on an event is in a constant state of flux. Part of that is the recognition that time dulls pain and I cannot evaluate all sides of a relationship when there is pain at its core. So as I get distance from a difficult conversation with a friend or family member I can put it where it belongs. I am on a shelf. It doesn't mean that I'm not loved. It is simply the only way that that relationship can continue without ending. The question is how does one know if it would actually be better for everyone involved to stop. Stop playing at a relationship. Stop pretending. Stop hurting. I don't know. I just take each day as it comes and accept the gifts that are given and hope that at the end of the journey it will all be made clear.

Peopl We Put on the Shelf

People We Put on the Shelf
This is a phrase I have used for many years inside my head. It has come to mean the family members or friends that have put me on hold. It happens for a variety of reasons. Perhaps a family member continues to say the same thing over and over again and only sees us as one thing. Or maybe a friend can only see us as one version of who we are. You are my mom. You only give advice about how to take the next step in life. You are my friend.I tell you about my problems and you listen. I don't listen to your problems; you listen to mine. When we put our friends and family members on a shelf two things happen.. We define who they are and their purpose in life and they remain in that position "forever." I have done it to friends and family and it has been done to me. I am always aware of its power and pain. And when I am on the receiving end it always leads to reflection on why this is happening and am I willing to accept it. It is up to me to change the relationship so that I am not defined by our past interchanges. I need to shout from the rooftops "The me you see is not the me I am." Adjust, adapt or just leave me alone.

Observations of a Sunday Walk Through San Jose

I love to walk. It slows me down and puts everything in perspective. But today I took part in my first half marathon walk. That's quite some walk - 13.1 miles. I'm really not sure that I will ever do it again but I am really glad that I was finally healthy enough to do it once. It's been a goal of mine for a couple years and sometimes it's good just to meet a goal and say "I did that." I'm really not competitive. I could care less what other people are doing but I do challenge myself to constantly do things better and faster. My #1 goal was to finish the "race." My #2 goal was to maintain a 15 minute mile rate. That would mean I should finish in 3 hours and 15 minutes. So when I registered I put myself in the 3:30 category - just in case. My finishing time was 3:13 so I am very pleased with myself. But along the way I saw all kinds of things and did some interesting thinking. Here is a smattering of the inner workings of my brain:

I am confused by how people rate themselves for events like this. At different times of the day I was walking alongside of people in corrals 12 (mine), 13, 10, 8, 6 and even a 5.

It is good to have medical care along the route but I was disturbed when I actually saw people using it - laying on gurneys or inside of ambulances. The ambulance drivers were careful not to turn on their sirens until they had passed the runners.

I am a new fan of Gu. I tried it for the first time just before I reached the 10 mile mark. What a boost at just the right time. Maybe I should keep a supply at school to get me through the day.

I think my race is really the 15K. A 5K is too short: I still have something left after a 10K but by the time I reached the 15K marker I could have been ready to stop. Unfortunately a half marathon is more than a 20K. So I can safely say I gave it my all today.

I was deeply amused to see people texting while jogging. I would never be able to multi task in that way.

I loved seeing all the different ways that people cheered us on: cow bells, drums, inflated bats, cheering (complete with pom poms) and what they were drinking. As we walked east they were drinking coffee but as we neared the rose garden area the beverages changed to mimosas. One person was even selling them for $1. I can't say that I wasn't tempted:)

I was fascinated by the route. We started downtown, wound our way down Jackson St and into Japan town, through the rose garden and into the Kaiser track and back into the Rose Garden and downtown again. The houses and people living in each area were very differnt. We are a diverse population. I was amused at how most people dressed in their work out gear to watch others work out.

We also walked by lots of dogs who looked desperate to walk with any one of us. But all they were allowed to do was watch. Poor doggies.

I am definitely glad I did it. 3 hours is a long time to walk. Thank goodness for bands and iPods and other diversions.