Negativity

While I can be whiney from time to time I'm really not a negative person. As a result I've been pretty astounded by the negative energy in and around our faculty room this week. It started off between a couple teachers and it just seemed to spread. One thing led to another and at the end it seemed we were working with middle school adults. Who else makes the loser sign on their forehead, rolls their eyes and shares it with their best friend while in the midst of their co-workers. I don't really understand the mean spiritedness of it. It's kind of like me trying to grasp the idea of going to war. I don't get it? How can you be do things like that just because you don't "like" another person? We're all grown up and yet there is this childishness that abounds. So today was the day for apologies and bringing flowers to those who were hurt. I truly do admire the courage it took to follow through on those actions. But now the guilty party is totally embarrassed and depressed about her behavior and has removed herself from the faculty room. So we have traded disrespect for isolation. Both of them seem equally painful to me. While I know intimately about the need to remove yourself from people around you to sort through the actions of your life, (after all I'm the one that ran away to Texas) I'm uncomfortable with my inability to bring everyone back together again. Sutter is a close staff. We are a small group of people so anyone's absence is noticeable. There is a hole that can't be filled without everyone's presence there. We define ourselves by who we are as a group not as individuals. As a result I have written an e-mail to the staff hoping to create a change. I am hopeful that it will lead to some deeper thinking and that those who want us to be the best we can be will respond and begin the conversation. So here is the letter:

It is an understatement to say that this has been a rough week. Feelings have been hurt. Apologies have been made. And now we are at that awkward stage of wanting to forgive and move on.

Sutter is an amazing place. We are a staff that is social as well as professional. It is clear that we enjoy each other’s company. People notice it the minute they walk in the door. Stand outside the faculty room and what you will usually hear is the sharing of funny family stories followed by loud belts of laughter. Watch us as we return to class and you will see the last remnants of smiles on our faces before we lead our classes in the joys of the –at word family, finding the least common denominator, or discussing the causes of the Revolutionary War. We are a dedicated staff. We love our jobs and each other. We cannot have one without the other. As educators, we are involved in the most difficult of professions and need each other’s support each and every day.

We have created many close friendships and have supported one another through some difficult times. But like any other family we have our strengths and weaknesses, our funny little quirks and we try hard to love each other despite it all. It is time to open the door a little wider to be sure that everyone is included in this family called Sutter. Each and every one of us must be respected, supported and valued as an integral member of the family. Yes, it has been a rough week. But hopefully amidst the hurt and forgiveness we have learned some new things about one another and ourselves. Hopefully our Sutter family ties have grown stronger with a deeper respect for one another. It is time for us all to forgive and begin to move on.

Joan

Ten months ago Joan lost her 19 year battle with breast cancer. But what she left behind is an amazing legacy. I miss her terribly. While she and I were not close freinds she touched me deeply and changed me forever. She was a model of fighting for what you believed in no matter who stood in your way. She surrounded herself with the beauty of our planet and became know as the garden lady. She was the one who every year took charge of the school garden. So this year it was imperative that the garden be kept running in order to honor her memory. I don't often step up to take charge of things but this one was an easy call for me. What could be better than hanging out in the garden and embracing Joan's memroy. So yesterday I made my way to Summer Winds, asked for a school garden discount and set about to become Joan's partner in the garden. She was definitely present through the weeding, the composting, and the careful selection of the poppies that could be sacrificed to make way for the strawberry and tomato seedlings. She sat on the bench and kept me company during the digging, the patting, the smoothing and the watering. It was good to spend time with her again. And today as I walked by and marveled at the beauty of those sturdy plants soaking up the sun I felt her once again watching over the garden and all who love it as she did. Thank you Joan for all you gave to us. Thank you for showing us the beauty in the natural order of life. To everything there is a season.

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time of war, a time of peace
A time of love, a time of hate
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time of peace, I swear it's not too late!

Spring!

While we have had a few days here and there where the thermometer passed the magical 70 degree mark and teased us into believing that spring was here, it looks like the real thing has come to stay. There is nothing quite like it. It happens every year and every year I am awed by the changes in me and my view of the world. Winter, mild as it is here in silicon valley, has once again been overpowered. The earth has turned ever so slightly and the sun burns away the fog, the cold, the rain, the clouds. The ground begins to warm and the unseen magic occurs before our very eyes. While pulling weeds is far from my favorite thing to do it brings me into direct contact with the spring mud that holds the magical mysteries. The worms. The bugs. The shoots waiting to burst forth. As the weeds are wrestled from the ground beneath, you feel the resistance as the roots pull back. It's almost like they are begging you to let them stay in the womb of mud they have created. With the roots come the mud that is attached. As it is knocked off you see and feel the differences in the layers of soil that have all come out together. The browns, the grays, the blacks. Out come the worms and they quickly find their way back into the soil to the home they are constantly recreating. The aphids pop in and out wondering what is causing this grand disturbance. Every now and then a snail is uncovered and the new found friendship my class has helped me foster with these creatures keeps me from tossing it over the gate. And above you, you suddenly become aware of the birds and the insects that are signally the auditory signs of spring. What could ever be better than this? Your own dirt becomes one with your skin, slides under your fingernails and becomes a part of your very being. I am reborn.