A Shaft of Light Shines Through the Darkness

I am finally feeling the beginning of something wonderful. I have come to the decision that I am ready to slowly fade out of my current role as public school teacher. I'm not sure how slow the fade will be but it is at least a baby step. I have signed papers to go on a reduced work program next year. In plain English that means I will teach 4 periods instead of 5. I have come to the realization that I love teaching, I love where I'm teaching, I love who I'm teaching and I even love who I am teaching with but I absolutely detest the system in which all those things are encapsulated. That all makes perfect sense at this moment but it has taken me months to figure it out through my winter duldrums and general malaise. For the first time in my life, I struggled to just get up in the morning and actually put one foot in front of the other. It was nice for me to understand what it might be like to be depressed but it has not been a pleasant journey. I am that obnoxious person who has always hopped out of bed and greeted the day no matter what. So it took me no time at all to say yes to the idea of cutting back my time in the classroom. I'm not quite ready to retire and can not support myself without my public school gig so this appears to be the best of all possible worlds. And I am once again getting myself out of bad without the question running through my head of why I have to get up and how long til I can put my pajamas back on again. My immediate plan is to start tutoring this summer and I am hopeful that it will turn into my next "job." The interesting thing in this process is that this little step has opened up a whole new world. People talk to me about other options and I honestly think about them and ponder their viability. Yes, I could go back to private school; Yes, I could be a home school teacher; Yes, I could start my own tutoring business. I feel myself saying yes to all sorts of things. I have never regretted anything that I've done in life but this is something different. Life feels like a blank slate with a giant question mark on it. What do you choose to do with the next leg of the journey?