There I said it, now I have to do it. I am in search of God, once again. It has been 14 years since my divorce from my husband and the Catholic Church. The latter has taken much longer and been much more difficult. I have walked over the threshold of several Catholic churches and back again many times trying to be a "good" Catholic or maybe just trying to forgive the church for being so blind. How can they eliminate so many good and loving people from their congregation because we happen to be divorced or gay? I will never understand it and clearly never get over it.
The church talk came up during The Cousins' Trip a couple times, sometimes over a glass or two of wine and sometimes morning coffee. So it started to stick and grow inside of me. My cousin gave me a suggestion about where to start looking and today was the birth of my journey. Like all journeys, I don't know where it will lead or how it will end but I am ready to begin. Being the age I am brings a lot of preconceptions to the faith department that I may or may not be able to reconcile. In all honesty I loved Catholic worship. It was full of ritual, customs, music and prayer. I'm still searching for that without the blinders and politics that come with the Catholic package. I really don't want to be a part of an organized religion because I don't want my prayer life to be tied to my checkbook.. I also have some weird little quirks about literal bible translations and assumptions about evangelical faiths. I'm slowly learning with the help of Google that most non-denominational churches actually have some ties to the evangelical movement. I have tried Unity and liked parts of it but it was just too vague and ambiguous for me to benefit from spiritually. And that's what this is all about for me, to find a spiritual home.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
The Gym
A few weeks ago I came to terms with the fact that if I was going to keep this running thing going, I was going to have to join the gym. Why? Because of darkness! A few months ago I thought I could solve this problem by simply wearing a headlamp and carry on as usual. But darkness brings more than the absence of light. It brings out people who don't want to be seen in daylight. I'm at a certain age and I simply don't want to deal with things that can be potentially dangerous like falling down or being hurt in some way. So the headlamp has moved out of my running gear and gone into the camping supplies. And I am making regular trips to Club One. The first trip was one of the most painful things I have done in quite a while. Running on a treadmill is just boring compared to being outside in the fresh air. But I wasn't ready for the heat. I did a 6 mile run and walked out of that place soaked. Since then, I had to recover from the Healdsburg Half Marathon so it meant I wasn't doing that much running. The good news is that I have been able to rebuild my distance again on the treadmill. I am learning what to "watch" while I run. One of the most enjoyable runs I've had so far was watching the final presidential debate. That would have been painful no matter what I was doing, so why not get a run in while you're at it.
The next step of my gym journey was to meet with a trainer. I wasn't looking forward to this but I also knew I needed to balance my running with some strength training. All I wanted was for him/her to just hand me a program and let me go on my merry way. But that was not to be. Oh no. They want to get to know you and weasel you into a training program. So along the way they did some evaluation - weight, blood pressure, measurement of different parts of the body, bicep strength, squats, and pushups. I knew that I was in better shape than I have ever been before but I had no idea how that would play out in a numbers game. My numbers kept coming up in the physically fit category and bordering on an athlete. I have never thought of myself as an athlete so the term just made me giggle. But when the measurement of my body fat came out at 19% I stood up and took notice. And for my final smile of the night, the trainer informed me that my athletic age is not my chronological 58 but rather 54. How about that? A few months of run/walking and I just gained 4 years. Awesome!
The next step of my gym journey was to meet with a trainer. I wasn't looking forward to this but I also knew I needed to balance my running with some strength training. All I wanted was for him/her to just hand me a program and let me go on my merry way. But that was not to be. Oh no. They want to get to know you and weasel you into a training program. So along the way they did some evaluation - weight, blood pressure, measurement of different parts of the body, bicep strength, squats, and pushups. I knew that I was in better shape than I have ever been before but I had no idea how that would play out in a numbers game. My numbers kept coming up in the physically fit category and bordering on an athlete. I have never thought of myself as an athlete so the term just made me giggle. But when the measurement of my body fat came out at 19% I stood up and took notice. And for my final smile of the night, the trainer informed me that my athletic age is not my chronological 58 but rather 54. How about that? A few months of run/walking and I just gained 4 years. Awesome!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Last Weekend Continued: The Healdsburg Half
Last weekend was not only my dream come true of riding in a hot air balloon over the vineyards of Sonoma County but it was also the culmination of 7 months of training to run a half marathon. This is something that last March was simply not in my wildest dreams or even a remote possibility. Back then I was only working towards running a 5K. Back then I was also on anti-inflammatory drugs just so I could walk around the house. Enter the most amazing chiropractor ever and my first experience with my body saying NO to my head. Over the past few months, I have learned to listen to people who know more than I do as well as the little flinches and throbs of my back, hip and thighs. Somehow I have gone from running 3 miles to 13 miles. Now I am still not all out running but there is definitely more running than walking going on!
The selection of Healdsburg was merely by chance. My original plan was the San Jose Rock and Roll Half marathon, because a) it's flat and b) I've walked it before and knew if worse came to worst I could at least finish it walking. But it didn't quite fit the training schedule because of our early October cousins' trip to Santa Cruz. So when I did my search and found a half that was in my favorite town of northern California and also served wine afterwards I was in!
My only concern was the "rolling hills" they briefly mentioned on the web site. I don't do hills and I didn't do any training on them unless you count walking The Dish at Stanford a few times. I drove the course the night before and was appalled. There weren't a lot of them but there were definitely more hills than I had ever run before. I resigned myself to giving up any thought of a new record or even keeping a 12 minute pace.
The next morning in typical Tere-style, my brain argued with itself about what was possible and what was a "good" idea. So by the time I reached the start line I knew exactly what was about to happened. I started off ready to walk the first quarter to half mile and slowly get into my regular pace for as long as I could. I would walk the hills and run in the last mile or so hoping to stay close to a 12 minute pace. I started off walking but it didn't last long. As those around me started running so did I. I was surrounded by fog and loved it. I started my run and my mind roamed about as it always does. The first 2 miles were very emotional for me; I'm still not sure why. Part of it I know was total disbelief that I was actually pulling it off. But I think most of it was because Maria, knowing the thumps and bumps along the way had come to see me cross the finish line. Not only her, but Bill and the kids too. This was a huge sacrifice for them and I knew exactly how challenging it had been.
The miles slipped by and I took the hills in stride. My pace was steady and consistent. Around about mile 8 there was a pain I had never felt before making itself known to me. As the intensity grew, the gnawing in the back of my mind went from questioning the cause to what I should do about it. Nothing was making a difference I tried several times to stop and stretch it out. That relieved it for about 4 or 5 strides and then it was back again. I tried walking it out. No difference there either. So my choice was to throw in the towel or somehow make it to the finish line. I sucked it up and prayed I wasn't doing anything stupid, put my head down and walked/ran my way to the finish line. From mile 10 to 13 there was a lot of cursing going on under my breath but somehow I kept plodding along. There is nothing in the world that could have prepared me for the last half mile. I was absolutely overjoyed to be finishing the race and gave it everything that I had left Crossing the finish line, I would swear I saw myself from behind. Within minutes I saw Maria walk by with Callie and in that instant my joy was complete! I had done it and I overflowed with pride, gratitude for everyone who had gotten me there, and an unimaginable depth of love for Maria, Bill, Callie, and Lucia for being there to share in that moment. It was a moment that will never be repeated and can never be adequately described in words. Perhaps the picture below will help. I still find it difficult to believe that it happened but pictures don't lie; they only stop time.
My recovery is complete and I am getting mentally ready to do it again. Monterey, here I come!
The selection of Healdsburg was merely by chance. My original plan was the San Jose Rock and Roll Half marathon, because a) it's flat and b) I've walked it before and knew if worse came to worst I could at least finish it walking. But it didn't quite fit the training schedule because of our early October cousins' trip to Santa Cruz. So when I did my search and found a half that was in my favorite town of northern California and also served wine afterwards I was in!
My only concern was the "rolling hills" they briefly mentioned on the web site. I don't do hills and I didn't do any training on them unless you count walking The Dish at Stanford a few times. I drove the course the night before and was appalled. There weren't a lot of them but there were definitely more hills than I had ever run before. I resigned myself to giving up any thought of a new record or even keeping a 12 minute pace.
The next morning in typical Tere-style, my brain argued with itself about what was possible and what was a "good" idea. So by the time I reached the start line I knew exactly what was about to happened. I started off ready to walk the first quarter to half mile and slowly get into my regular pace for as long as I could. I would walk the hills and run in the last mile or so hoping to stay close to a 12 minute pace. I started off walking but it didn't last long. As those around me started running so did I. I was surrounded by fog and loved it. I started my run and my mind roamed about as it always does. The first 2 miles were very emotional for me; I'm still not sure why. Part of it I know was total disbelief that I was actually pulling it off. But I think most of it was because Maria, knowing the thumps and bumps along the way had come to see me cross the finish line. Not only her, but Bill and the kids too. This was a huge sacrifice for them and I knew exactly how challenging it had been.
The miles slipped by and I took the hills in stride. My pace was steady and consistent. Around about mile 8 there was a pain I had never felt before making itself known to me. As the intensity grew, the gnawing in the back of my mind went from questioning the cause to what I should do about it. Nothing was making a difference I tried several times to stop and stretch it out. That relieved it for about 4 or 5 strides and then it was back again. I tried walking it out. No difference there either. So my choice was to throw in the towel or somehow make it to the finish line. I sucked it up and prayed I wasn't doing anything stupid, put my head down and walked/ran my way to the finish line. From mile 10 to 13 there was a lot of cursing going on under my breath but somehow I kept plodding along. There is nothing in the world that could have prepared me for the last half mile. I was absolutely overjoyed to be finishing the race and gave it everything that I had left Crossing the finish line, I would swear I saw myself from behind. Within minutes I saw Maria walk by with Callie and in that instant my joy was complete! I had done it and I overflowed with pride, gratitude for everyone who had gotten me there, and an unimaginable depth of love for Maria, Bill, Callie, and Lucia for being there to share in that moment. It was a moment that will never be repeated and can never be adequately described in words. Perhaps the picture below will help. I still find it difficult to believe that it happened but pictures don't lie; they only stop time.
My recovery is complete and I am getting mentally ready to do it again. Monterey, here I come!
Life List: Hot Air Balloon Ride
This item on the life list is most likely the thing that started it all. A little more than 18 years ago I had the notion that I would like to celebrate my 40th birthday by riding in a hot air balloon with my family. There was only one problem; no one in my family was willing to join me. So for the past 18 years it has been both a point of sadness and a dream. Well, it seems that my children did not forget. My son and his girlfriend purchased a groupon thing for a hot air balloon ride in Santa Rosa for my birthday. A couple things happened and the universe moved things in alignment so I would just happen to be in the Santa Rosa area this past weekend. That is a separate post to come!
The balloon ride was absolutely everything that I thought it would be - quiet, peaceful, that sensation of floating in air. But this little venture had an added bonus. The company included every aspect of ballooning in the package. We were there, and could be a part of it all from beginning to end. We watched them inflate the balloon and heat the air, tip the basket up and launch it. We also saw how the balloon was deflated and packed away for the next day. I don't know if everyone would want that included in their hot air balloon ride, but for me, who had waited so long for this to happen, it was an added bonus.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Life List: Thighs
Officially, here is the item on the list, Look in the mirror with my fitness pants on and not see the side bulge at the top of my thighs.
This is difficult to gauge or measure but I'm calling it done! As I move my hands down the side of my body from my waist, it goes in a straight line. Point #2: I am willing to wear compression fitness pants in public. Yep. That's a done deal.
This is difficult to gauge or measure but I'm calling it done! As I move my hands down the side of my body from my waist, it goes in a straight line. Point #2: I am willing to wear compression fitness pants in public. Yep. That's a done deal.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Life List: Walk the Golden Gate Bridge
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| On the way...the beauty of fog on the hills along 280 |
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| Ready to walk |
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| Heading through the first tower |
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| Happy me! |
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| Coming through the north tower |
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| Love the daddy/daughter icon |
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| Heading back |
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| View of the Marin headlands |
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| Starting to clear... |
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Pain in the Silence
Silence is golden. Most of the time I would agree with that old adage. Silence brings a peacefulness that allows your mind to wander and think great thoughts. But when silence takes over where there once was noise, there is an awkwardness in the air, one that only time will heal. I went through this feeling several months ago when Jack became ill. Coming home to an empty house took me weeks to get over. Now it seems I am also to become the owner of an empty yard as well. In the past 2 weeks I have lost all 3 of my hens. The quiet seems to be everywhere. I entered into raising chickens with the knowledge that all kinds of things could take them out - raccoons, opossums, disease. They gave me 2+ years of fun - watching them grow from chicks to pullets to hens, laying eggs first in the laying boxes but then what turned into our daily egg hunts, feeding and watering them became one of our daily pleasures with the day care kids. I will miss the girls but mostly their clucking and waddling out to greet us as we came through the gate. Today the emptiness hit me like a ton of bricks. As I was raking up the wayward feathers there was a deadly silence interrupted only by the scratches of the squirrels scurrying up the redwoods. So that's what is left of "Grandma's farm." But, fear not, the chickens will be replaced next week. 3 more baby chicks have been ordered and should arrive on Tuesday. However, I'm not sure this group will be named. For one thing, it's too hard to tell them apart and for another the next time I have to say good-bye to an animal I'd rather not call it by name.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Pondering the Other Alternative
A common response to complaints about life is often short and to the point; it beats the alternative. The alternative is, in a nut shell, not being here. Death is not something I think a lot about. I've had my share of losing loved ones but not like most people have. I am blessed to still have my grandfather and parents, as well as most of my aunts and uncles still walking the earth. This past week I pondered losing one of the most important people in my life. My sister has been fighting C. diff for the past 3 years. One of the things we both have in common is that we tend to believe that everything will turn out in the end. She is one of the most positive people I have ever met. However, this last bout had beaten her down pretty low. I don't think I've ever heard her as resigned to fate or destiny or whatever as she was last weekend. Despite the knowledge that everyone she knew was praying for her and that her son and daughter-in-law were willing to make incredible sacrifices, she just couldn't believe she would ever be rid of the nasty bacteria.
Tuesday she was scheduled to undergo a medical procedure that we all knew was a last ditch effort. She had been through every drug thought to have been effective against C. diff, both tested and experimental. Some of them she had done 2 or 3 times with no effect. She had spent thousands of dollars on treatment, thanks to the American medical system which is run by insurance companies who make all the rules. If you don't fall into their rules, you pay! So not only was she sick but knowing full well that she was digging a financial hole deeper and deeper every time the C. diff struck again.
I knew this was a horrible little germ that could eventually take its final toll on her. When you can't eat, the body simply cannot continue to function in the way it needs to. I assumed that eventually organs would shut down. But the more I read about the disease, the more of that yuck feeling set in. I would read and deny, read and deny. How could my sister not be here when my 104 year old grandfather was? How could this amazing woman simply cease to be that shoulder for me to lean on? No! That was not going to happen. We still had plans, lot of plans. She is a significant part of my Life List. I could not imagine life without her. But Monday and Tuesday, that is exactly what I did. I remembered all the crazy things we did in times gone by. We have lived very parallel lives - marriage, kids, divorce, and rising out of the ashes to become home owners and independent women who have found joy in our freedom. I thought about the future that lies ahead. I needed her beside me on my journey. Yes, I do know how selfish that sounds. And that is the pain in "the alternative." We are left alone with our plans for tomorrow. Alone.
And now for the happy ending... The procedure was a success. She is back to eating again and finding the joy of simple pleasures in life. She is slowly but surely sounding more and more positive and regaining her belief that everything will fine. I am back to planning and looking forward instead of backward. So here is to my sister, to dreams fulfilled, to travels together, to my third shoulder. I love you
Tuesday she was scheduled to undergo a medical procedure that we all knew was a last ditch effort. She had been through every drug thought to have been effective against C. diff, both tested and experimental. Some of them she had done 2 or 3 times with no effect. She had spent thousands of dollars on treatment, thanks to the American medical system which is run by insurance companies who make all the rules. If you don't fall into their rules, you pay! So not only was she sick but knowing full well that she was digging a financial hole deeper and deeper every time the C. diff struck again.
I knew this was a horrible little germ that could eventually take its final toll on her. When you can't eat, the body simply cannot continue to function in the way it needs to. I assumed that eventually organs would shut down. But the more I read about the disease, the more of that yuck feeling set in. I would read and deny, read and deny. How could my sister not be here when my 104 year old grandfather was? How could this amazing woman simply cease to be that shoulder for me to lean on? No! That was not going to happen. We still had plans, lot of plans. She is a significant part of my Life List. I could not imagine life without her. But Monday and Tuesday, that is exactly what I did. I remembered all the crazy things we did in times gone by. We have lived very parallel lives - marriage, kids, divorce, and rising out of the ashes to become home owners and independent women who have found joy in our freedom. I thought about the future that lies ahead. I needed her beside me on my journey. Yes, I do know how selfish that sounds. And that is the pain in "the alternative." We are left alone with our plans for tomorrow. Alone.
And now for the happy ending... The procedure was a success. She is back to eating again and finding the joy of simple pleasures in life. She is slowly but surely sounding more and more positive and regaining her belief that everything will fine. I am back to planning and looking forward instead of backward. So here is to my sister, to dreams fulfilled, to travels together, to my third shoulder. I love you
Saturday, July 07, 2012
Welcome Lucia Anna
Tomorrow morning we will officially welcome Lucia Anna into her loving family. She has already blessed us in so many ways. So, to the happiest baby I've ever met, may you be blessed in little and big ways.
Lucia Anna, we welcome you
into this community of love with open arms.
You have been born from and
into love. May you always be
embraced by it and know the strength that it will bring you.
May you walk in wisdom and
grace in all things.
Learn to listen to your
heart. It will lead you to true
happiness.
You are the one and only you. You have been born for a purpose that no one else can fulfill. Believe in yourself and become who you were meant to be.
Live mindfully and
fearlessly. Laugh. Follow your dreams. And dance.
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
Going Back In Time
My last bike ride was a conscious effort to go back in time. Several years ago my teaching journey took me to George Mayne Elementary School in Alviso. The town of Alviso had always had a soft spot in my heart. It is just one of those pockets in the bay area that has somehow retained its original identity. Horrible things have happened to that town because of some very poor planning by the water district. The years I was teaching there, they were just starting to pick themselves up and start over. I had heard that changes had been made so I was anxious to see the little town. In once upon a time time, you would drive down Lafayette Street out of Santa Clara past the golf course and once the street sign changed to Gold Street you knew you were someplace else. You were surrounded by wooden structures, wider streets, the bay on your left and what was left of the town on your right. There is a long history to Alviso. It was once a bustling entrance to the San Francisco Bay. All that was left to time and weather so in my time here it was never a pretty town but you always had the feeling that there was an incredible spirit that had been left behind by its residents. Imagine my surprise when as I crossed that imaginary line into town I saw some kind of residence inn on my left and an educational center on my right. The water looked good and they have made it possible to launch your boat once again but it all looked wrong. So very wrong. They are building high density housing where those pink and yellow houses used to be. So sad to lose the identity that this town used to have. Even the parks looked wrong. As I left town it hit me, it just looks like more San Jose. Why is it that today's architects and city planners make everything look the same? The signs are an ugly brown and concrete walls are everywhere. Are they keeping people in or out? What on earth are we afraid of? But on the bright side, when I arrived in town, I got out of my car and was greeted with the smell of skunk. I can't tell you how many mornings I started teaching with that odor in my nostrils. And as I came out of the Guadalupe Trail, I heard roosters crowing. HAH! They haven't booted out the roosters yet. I know their time will come but I only pray that some young Alvisan will rise up and say NO, this is not who we are. And the building will stop. No more condos. No more walls. The skunks and roosters can remind us of so much that once was.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Just Be Nice
This is a phrase that keeps echoing in my head. It is something that I recently heard over and over again at a high school graduation party. Parents were saying that when it comes down to it, all they really want is for their kids to be nice. This is huge when I think about all the things that a parent may want for their 18 year old almost adult. That is what all our parenting is about - just be nice. It also popped up in a discussion with a friend about her aging mother. Why can't she just be nice? Now this is not something that just happened - she didn't get not nice because she was old. But when you're trying to get good medical care for your mother, it might change things if the patient could be nice.
So what does it mean to be nice? In my toddler world, it is don't hit, kick, pinch, bite or push. But all good teachers know that you don't define anything in the negative. Be nice is use your inside voice, treat everything and everyone gently. To the parents of 18 years old it is to treat others with respect, and once again to use that inside voice and be gentle. And to the aging parent it is to accept that others may know more than you do and to listen without judgment. There is no need to say out loud every little thing that comes into your head and to realize that your life and well being are now in the hands of others. So just be nice.
But what is it really? It is to smile when someone makes eye contact with you. We don't do enough of that anymore. And when we do, we get it right back. Smiles are one of the most contagious things around. That's the thing about being nice; the effects are immediate. And while you're at it, say hello. Once again that doesn't happen enough anymore. We have sort of lost the art of greeting one another when me meet and saying goodbye when we leave. Part of being nice is also the art of politeness. It is saying please and thank you and you're welcome. It is also saying no thank you and excuse me.
Being nice is being a positive force in the universe. It is to look at life and each other in the best of terms. Finding the beauty in the world instead of what is wrong is a perspective that sometimes takes practice. But once accomplished, it is hard to go back.
Practice humility. None of us is better than anyone else. We have all been gifted in different ways. Accept that everyone has their journey with highs and lows and that if we help each other along the way the path gets a little easier for everyone. When we boast and brag or put ourselves above someone else it can only result in the other person feeling sad or less than equal. Being nice lightens everyone's load and makes the world a better place.
Help each other. When someone falls down, help them get up. An ice pack or a band aid go a long way at my house. If they are sick, give them a call or send a card and let them know that you are thinking of them. When you accidentally bump them, apologize. It's the little things in life that make all the difference.
Be nice. It is what I am trying to teach my daycare kids. It is what I try my hardest to model to everyone I meet. It is still a struggle sometimes but if we all try a little harder the world will definitely be a nicer place for each and every one of us.
So what does it mean to be nice? In my toddler world, it is don't hit, kick, pinch, bite or push. But all good teachers know that you don't define anything in the negative. Be nice is use your inside voice, treat everything and everyone gently. To the parents of 18 years old it is to treat others with respect, and once again to use that inside voice and be gentle. And to the aging parent it is to accept that others may know more than you do and to listen without judgment. There is no need to say out loud every little thing that comes into your head and to realize that your life and well being are now in the hands of others. So just be nice.
But what is it really? It is to smile when someone makes eye contact with you. We don't do enough of that anymore. And when we do, we get it right back. Smiles are one of the most contagious things around. That's the thing about being nice; the effects are immediate. And while you're at it, say hello. Once again that doesn't happen enough anymore. We have sort of lost the art of greeting one another when me meet and saying goodbye when we leave. Part of being nice is also the art of politeness. It is saying please and thank you and you're welcome. It is also saying no thank you and excuse me.
Being nice is being a positive force in the universe. It is to look at life and each other in the best of terms. Finding the beauty in the world instead of what is wrong is a perspective that sometimes takes practice. But once accomplished, it is hard to go back.
Practice humility. None of us is better than anyone else. We have all been gifted in different ways. Accept that everyone has their journey with highs and lows and that if we help each other along the way the path gets a little easier for everyone. When we boast and brag or put ourselves above someone else it can only result in the other person feeling sad or less than equal. Being nice lightens everyone's load and makes the world a better place.
Help each other. When someone falls down, help them get up. An ice pack or a band aid go a long way at my house. If they are sick, give them a call or send a card and let them know that you are thinking of them. When you accidentally bump them, apologize. It's the little things in life that make all the difference.
Be nice. It is what I am trying to teach my daycare kids. It is what I try my hardest to model to everyone I meet. It is still a struggle sometimes but if we all try a little harder the world will definitely be a nicer place for each and every one of us.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Thursday, June 07, 2012
In the Blink of an Eye...
In the blink of an eye everything can change. This is a phrase that keeps popping up at the oddest times. I am struck by how quickly the known and routine can suddenly be blasted into smithereens so that it is unrecognizable. I am at an age where I am developing a bit of perspective. Some things in life seem to on and on endlessly while others are here and gone. What we know and trust to be true and assume will go on forever are simply gone or at least dramatically changed.
Last Christmas Eve began predictably and suddenly with the bark of the family pet whom everyone trusted and adored, our lives were turned upside down. What followed that bark was the scream of a toddler followed by the shriek of her mother. My granddaughter's face was scarred and none of us who were there will ever be the same.
On Memorial Day, my son-in-law was in a freak incident that resulted in 20 stitches on his right hand as well as a severed tendon. In the blink of an eye he became a spectator parent and my daughter the sole caretaker of a somewhat less than mellow 2 year old and her baby sister. Parenting 24/7 never meant as much to me as it does now. On minimal sleep she feeds, dresses, bathes, and gets both kids ready for bed. She deals with the toddler tantrums as well as breastfeeding the baby. She carries on with her social commitments and continues to challenge herself in the parenting department. It is something to behold.
In the blink of an eye everything changes. We simply stand up and take the next step forward. What was, is no longer. We look at the puzzle pieces remaining and somehow put them together again to make a picture, not the picture we thought it was going to be but a beautiful picture nonetheless. We are strengthened by the challenges and walk a little taller knowing that we have been tested. There will be more to come; we know not when. And in the blink of an eye what we believed to be true will change once again.
Last Christmas Eve began predictably and suddenly with the bark of the family pet whom everyone trusted and adored, our lives were turned upside down. What followed that bark was the scream of a toddler followed by the shriek of her mother. My granddaughter's face was scarred and none of us who were there will ever be the same.
On Memorial Day, my son-in-law was in a freak incident that resulted in 20 stitches on his right hand as well as a severed tendon. In the blink of an eye he became a spectator parent and my daughter the sole caretaker of a somewhat less than mellow 2 year old and her baby sister. Parenting 24/7 never meant as much to me as it does now. On minimal sleep she feeds, dresses, bathes, and gets both kids ready for bed. She deals with the toddler tantrums as well as breastfeeding the baby. She carries on with her social commitments and continues to challenge herself in the parenting department. It is something to behold.
In the blink of an eye everything changes. We simply stand up and take the next step forward. What was, is no longer. We look at the puzzle pieces remaining and somehow put them together again to make a picture, not the picture we thought it was going to be but a beautiful picture nonetheless. We are strengthened by the challenges and walk a little taller knowing that we have been tested. There will be more to come; we know not when. And in the blink of an eye what we believed to be true will change once again.
Monday, June 04, 2012
Life List - Run a 5K
A few months ago I set a goal to run a 5K so it naturally landed on my Life List. I don't really know what I had in mind when I set that goal; whether it was really running for the full 3.1 miles or just running more than walking. I read somewhere that running is defined as having both feet off the ground simultaneously. Most people consider a 12 minute mile as a run and anything below that as walking. Whatever the definition, I am considering my "run" yesterday as meeting my goal. I completed the See Jane Run 5K in Alameda in 35:43, my best time ever and even under by best training run of 36 minutes.
I have to say, it feels a little strange to have met the goal so quickly. But the reality is that I am moving on. My next race begins the 10K segment of my summer and I will end with a half marathon in October. So for the moment, I will just take a breath and enjoy the moment. Woo hoo. I did it. I thank my chiropractor and my friends and family who have supported me, but especially, my daughter, Maria!
Monday, May 28, 2012
My Life List
A life list is a little like a bucket list only bigger. It can include anything that fits you and your dreams. Here is my list as it stands today. However, this is a work in progress, as is everything else in my life.
Places I Want to Go
Mayan ruins (February 2006)
Italy (June 2007)
Alaska (July 2010)
Eiffel Tower - half done; I still want to go up the elevator (2010 thanks to Bill Carter!)
San Juan Islands August 2016
Stonehenge June 2014
Ireland June 2014
Greece
Pyramids in Egypt
The fall leaves in the northeast with my sister
Machu Picchu
Cuba
Natchez Trail April 2014
Australia
Catalina - don't know why I haven't been there yet (July 2015)
Mesa Verde - again!
Things I Want to Do With My Life
Be a mom (1977, 1979)
Teach(1990)
Publish something (2020)
Places I Want to Go
Greece
Pyramids in Egypt
The fall leaves in the northeast with my sister
Machu Picchu
Cuba
Australia
Mesa Verde - again!
Things I Want to Do With My Life
Volunteer in my grandchild's classroom
Work in a plant nursery
Things I Want to Do for Fun
Hike part of the John Muir Trail (August 2000 - Mist Trail to Vernal Falls)
Snorkel(2006 - Mexico)
Walk a half marathon(October 2009 - San Jose Rock and Roll Half Marathon)
Run a 5K (June 3, 2012 See Jane Run - Alameda, California)
Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge - why haven't I done this?(July 28, 2012)
Ride in a hot air balloon (October 13, 2012 Santa Rosa, California)
Go white water rafting
Vacation with my grandchildren - this is still one of my favorite memories of my grandparents June 2016
Build something out of wood
Hike the Grand Canyon
Make a souffle - I don't think I like them but it seems to be the apex of bakers
Ride on the back of my brother's motorcycle (SOLD 2023)
Drive a stick shift
See my grandchildren graduate
Look in the mirror with my fitness pants on and not see the side bulge at the top of my thighs April 2014
Learn to knit
Bike Napa
Learn to speak French
Kayak June 2014
Carve a pumpkin that I grew from seed - maybe this fall
Take a cooking class in a foreign country Italy June 2015
Step foot in all 50 states - I don't have many to go
Zip line somewhere - I had the chance in Alaska but was too scared Santa Cruz Mountains June 2016
See the Aurora Borealis
Things I Want to Do for My Spiritual Growth
Follow through on a gratitude journal (January 2013)
Get better at breathing through yoga April 2013
Conquer meditation June 2014
Find a place of worship that feeds my spirit October 2015
Answer the question "Who am I?" without a title
Work in a plant nursery
Things I Want to Do for Fun
Go white water rafting
Build something out of wood
Hike the Grand Canyon
Make a souffle - I don't think I like them but it seems to be the apex of bakers
Drive a stick shift
See my grandchildren graduate
Learn to knit
Bike Napa
Learn to speak French
Carve a pumpkin that I grew from seed - maybe this fall
Step foot in all 50 states - I don't have many to go
See the Aurora Borealis
Things I Want to Do for My Spiritual Growth
Answer the question "Who am I?" without a title
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Living a Simpler Life
I miss my blog. I often think about blogging and then my mind goes a little blank. When I was teaching, things would happen and I would say to myself, "Hmmm.... I think I want to write about that later." And I would. It was rare if I didn't post at least once a week. In this new life, I just feel so content. I hardly ever think about things that are bothering me. My writing has always been about issues that I couldn't resolve any other way. I find myself just sort of floating through life now. There are still things happening that aren't all sunshine and rainbows but nothing big. I'm not dealing with adolescent angst or parents that just don't get it. There are no politics at play here. I have issues throughout my work day but we deal with them and they are gone. Poof. They don't stay in the back of my head irritating me the way they used to. I know that part of it is being home. I love being here, surrounded with everything I love. I can do whatever I need to do when I need to do it. There is no, "when I get home, I need to..." going on in my head. It is calm and peaceful.
This is a simple life and I'm clearly not bothered by things the way I used to be. But why is it that I have so little to write about? That certainly wasn't true of Buddha or Thoreau. They removed themselves from the world and wrote about deep and spiritual topics. Maybe I'm just not that deep. Maybe when you remove all the chaos of the outside work world, I'm a lot like my grandfather and simply take each day as it comes. Or maybe this is part of growing up and no longer being bothered by the little things that used to overwhelm me.
I love writing and I miss it now that the topics don't seem to show themselves. Perhaps it's time for me to take out my heart map and just write about things I care about. Writing from the point of view of love and gratitude rather than the kid or parent that ticked me off could be interesting. Let's just see what comes up...
This is a simple life and I'm clearly not bothered by things the way I used to be. But why is it that I have so little to write about? That certainly wasn't true of Buddha or Thoreau. They removed themselves from the world and wrote about deep and spiritual topics. Maybe I'm just not that deep. Maybe when you remove all the chaos of the outside work world, I'm a lot like my grandfather and simply take each day as it comes. Or maybe this is part of growing up and no longer being bothered by the little things that used to overwhelm me.
I love writing and I miss it now that the topics don't seem to show themselves. Perhaps it's time for me to take out my heart map and just write about things I care about. Writing from the point of view of love and gratitude rather than the kid or parent that ticked me off could be interesting. Let's just see what comes up...
Fitness Update
OK. Progress is being made. So much progress that I am hopeful that this will be the last post about my physical woes for a long long time. Yes, I'm getting older and yes, there is pain involved. So let's get over it and focus on the positive. I continue to walk 2 or 3 times a week. Sometimes I am bad and I run. I am uber-aware of my SI joint and stop when there is the slightest twinge of anything - tightness, pain, anything. This past week I put in a 5 mile walk and met my goal of a 12 minute pace. I don't know why that was important to me beyond the fact that 12 was less than 13 and I'm bored with 13!
My chiropractor advised me to do some yoga, swim and bike. She will be proud when I tell her at my next visit that I'm doing all three.
Yoga - I found a yoga studio close-by and have been going weekly. I like it but in all honesty, it is getting expensive. I have also found some great yoga shows that I am taping and doing on my own at home. The beauty of it is that I can watch it, replay it and do it again. That works for someone like me who competes with herself to do it and do it right.
Swimming - I struggled to figure this one out. I could go to the senior center 3 blocks from my house but our hours only coincide on Saturday mornings. I could go to the public pools but do I really want to expose these thighs to previous students I have taught that I may run into? I could go to the Y but I quite frankly don't trust the water there. I know how many people are in that pool and what they may have done while they were there! I could join a private pool but once again, the ugly money thing raises its head. So yesterday, I went to the senior center and was very pleased. There were lots of pudgy women like myself and the payoff was worth it. The bonus is that I am working on my lung capacity - one of the things that got all this fitness stuff started. A few months ago, all I wanted to do was figure out how to run without running out of air. Well, it looks like swimming will deal with the breathing thing.
Biking - This morning I went on my first real bike ride since last summer. I chose Coyote Creek Trail because I have never done it (remember, I am easily bored) and I had heard from a friend what a beautiful place it is. Imagine my pleasure when I realized that I now own a car that will hold a bike either direction, vertically or horizontally. No dismantling the wheel and reassembling necessary. So off I went to Coyote Creek Park. I put in 14 miles in 1 1/2 hours. That sounds pretty good to me but I have no idea if it is or not.
That's the great thing about this cross training thing. I don't become obsessed with time and distance because I am changing it up all the time. In yoga, I'm just trying to get through the stretches without pain. In the pool I am focused completely on my lungs. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I swam competitively as a child. I don't remember struggling to breathe! And on the bike, I'm thinking about the pain in my butt. I've been told that will pass. If not, I foresee a new bike seat or some padded shorts in my future.
So that is the state of things. Through exercise and yoga, I am strengthening my muscles to hold my joints and bones. There is pain now and then but nothing I can't handle. I am aging and evidently that is just something that is going to hurt. I still feel healthy and give thanks every single day when I wake up and am able to get out of bed. Perhaps the little twinges are just a quiet reminder that I'm alive. I love challenging myself and meeting the challenge. And I love that I have people in my life who can support me and help me figure out ways around the pain. That seems to be what this stage is all about; challenges I set for myself and friends and family that cheer me on. So here's to finding new ways to exercise so that I can remain healthy.
My chiropractor advised me to do some yoga, swim and bike. She will be proud when I tell her at my next visit that I'm doing all three.
Yoga - I found a yoga studio close-by and have been going weekly. I like it but in all honesty, it is getting expensive. I have also found some great yoga shows that I am taping and doing on my own at home. The beauty of it is that I can watch it, replay it and do it again. That works for someone like me who competes with herself to do it and do it right.
Swimming - I struggled to figure this one out. I could go to the senior center 3 blocks from my house but our hours only coincide on Saturday mornings. I could go to the public pools but do I really want to expose these thighs to previous students I have taught that I may run into? I could go to the Y but I quite frankly don't trust the water there. I know how many people are in that pool and what they may have done while they were there! I could join a private pool but once again, the ugly money thing raises its head. So yesterday, I went to the senior center and was very pleased. There were lots of pudgy women like myself and the payoff was worth it. The bonus is that I am working on my lung capacity - one of the things that got all this fitness stuff started. A few months ago, all I wanted to do was figure out how to run without running out of air. Well, it looks like swimming will deal with the breathing thing.
Biking - This morning I went on my first real bike ride since last summer. I chose Coyote Creek Trail because I have never done it (remember, I am easily bored) and I had heard from a friend what a beautiful place it is. Imagine my pleasure when I realized that I now own a car that will hold a bike either direction, vertically or horizontally. No dismantling the wheel and reassembling necessary. So off I went to Coyote Creek Park. I put in 14 miles in 1 1/2 hours. That sounds pretty good to me but I have no idea if it is or not.
That's the great thing about this cross training thing. I don't become obsessed with time and distance because I am changing it up all the time. In yoga, I'm just trying to get through the stretches without pain. In the pool I am focused completely on my lungs. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I swam competitively as a child. I don't remember struggling to breathe! And on the bike, I'm thinking about the pain in my butt. I've been told that will pass. If not, I foresee a new bike seat or some padded shorts in my future.
So that is the state of things. Through exercise and yoga, I am strengthening my muscles to hold my joints and bones. There is pain now and then but nothing I can't handle. I am aging and evidently that is just something that is going to hurt. I still feel healthy and give thanks every single day when I wake up and am able to get out of bed. Perhaps the little twinges are just a quiet reminder that I'm alive. I love challenging myself and meeting the challenge. And I love that I have people in my life who can support me and help me figure out ways around the pain. That seems to be what this stage is all about; challenges I set for myself and friends and family that cheer me on. So here's to finding new ways to exercise so that I can remain healthy.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
A Lovely Mother's Day
I am in an amazing place in life. My children appreciate me for who I am. They respect what I have done and what I am doing. Many people live their whole lives without coming to that point. I just had one of my best Mother's Days ever.
I started the day by crying through a blog post of my daughter's. She said everything any mother would wish for her child to say as she became a mother herself. The funny thing to me is that I distinctly remember watching her as a new mom 2 years ago and thinking that she is so much better at this than I ever was! It's all in the perspective.
I met my son for coffee and we had a great conversation. It is so good just to have time to sit and talk. We talked about school and work and relationships and movies and politics. Those are the talks I love. They flow in and out and when you're done, you say, that was good. Later in the day, I received a delivery of a fruit arrangement from him. So thoughtful and delicious.
I spent the afternoon in one of my favorite places in the world - Central Park in Santa Clara. It is full of mothering memories for me. What better place to be on Mother's Day than with your child and grandchildren in the place that you loved as a mom? We picnicked, walk around the pond, and hung out in the playground while Callie played. An amazing afternoon.
My heart is full as I write this. Mother's Day hasn't always been my favorite day on the calendar. Some of them have been hard - that's the only word for it. But this one was definitely a good one. I am loved. I am respected. I am appreciated for all that I have done. That feels good. I am thrilled that my children are able to say thank you and that I am in a place where I can graciously accept it and know that we are all better when we take the time to speak what is in our hearts. I'm not a fan of these "Hallmark Holidays" but I am grateful that it gives us the opportunity to say I love you.
I started the day by crying through a blog post of my daughter's. She said everything any mother would wish for her child to say as she became a mother herself. The funny thing to me is that I distinctly remember watching her as a new mom 2 years ago and thinking that she is so much better at this than I ever was! It's all in the perspective.
I met my son for coffee and we had a great conversation. It is so good just to have time to sit and talk. We talked about school and work and relationships and movies and politics. Those are the talks I love. They flow in and out and when you're done, you say, that was good. Later in the day, I received a delivery of a fruit arrangement from him. So thoughtful and delicious.
I spent the afternoon in one of my favorite places in the world - Central Park in Santa Clara. It is full of mothering memories for me. What better place to be on Mother's Day than with your child and grandchildren in the place that you loved as a mom? We picnicked, walk around the pond, and hung out in the playground while Callie played. An amazing afternoon.
My heart is full as I write this. Mother's Day hasn't always been my favorite day on the calendar. Some of them have been hard - that's the only word for it. But this one was definitely a good one. I am loved. I am respected. I am appreciated for all that I have done. That feels good. I am thrilled that my children are able to say thank you and that I am in a place where I can graciously accept it and know that we are all better when we take the time to speak what is in our hearts. I'm not a fan of these "Hallmark Holidays" but I am grateful that it gives us the opportunity to say I love you.
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