What a Difference a Week Makes

A week ago I was so deep inside my thoughts and reflections I could barely see the sun. I was questioning everything - who am I, who am I as a teacher, who am I as a mother. It was endless. And all because of a student who I believed I had failed. After a couple days of sadness and a daughter who was able to shine a flicker of light inside my very opinionated brain, I started to get it. It wasn't me who failed and it wasn't even about success or failure. I was once again trying to change another person's journey just so it would fit the movie in my head. When am I going to learn that I'm not in charge? So this week I started with a new attitude. It was time to go back to class.. I needed to start watching and learning about HIS journey. What I saw and heard was about the who of this kid, It wasn't about what I wanted him to accomplish or finish or learn. It was about who he is. He comes to school for fun. It's where his friends are. The work is overwhelming so he always comes back to the fun. He is smart and a fast talker. He has always been able to get what he wanted out of school. He has dreams as well as short and long term goals. He wants to be a TA next year. He wants to go to college. He wants to be a lawyer. The fly in the works is that there is no bridge between his view of school today and the lawyer of tomorrow. This week I am finally able to let it go and just start finding ways to bring him inside the circle of learners. I started seeing and relating to him as who he is instead of who I wanted him to be. It's not about my classes, what I teach or the assignments that are left incomplete. It's about him and his view of school. I'm planting a seed and I pray to God that someone else will come along and throw some dirt on it. And then maybe someone else with show up with some water. Then someday, someday that little seed will start to sprout and he'll build the bridge to his tomorrow. He'll know that he is smart and capable and start putting the time in to make those goals his reality. I am still sad that I will not be the one to make the difference in his academic journey but I have to remember that it is HIS journey. Ms. Allen was just a stop along the way.