Writing!

I am writing.  I haven't done much writing here but I am writing.  Following Ralph's passing I was overcome with the need to be certain that he and his stories live on in the hearts and minds of his grandchildren.  I know in my own life I have had to rehear the stories of my grandparents who passed on during my childhood.  I would prefer that Ralph's stories come to life now rather than 50 years from now when the little ones start asking about him and the things he cared about.  I got started on this project with a general idea in mind of just jotting down a few memories that defined Ralph as a person but then discovered a book to help me through the process; Life's Workbook; How to Write Your Autobiography Through Memoir Writing.  It has been the perfect fit for this project.  The first step was to complete a life chronological calendar.  It is quite a thing to see your entire life in a notebook - where you have lived, the big events, vacations, how your work and educational life supported each other.   It is the perfect starting point Not having many social contacts in town has also helped me immensely as I dive into this full force.  I try to write almost every day like everyone says you should.  I write the draft and then go back to it later to beef it up or smooth out the rough edges.  The writing stays with me.  I think about it before I write, during the process and afterward - what I left out, how to be sure that his being comes through the words in the love and humor that he exuded.  It is an awesome responsibility; to create this person who you loved with only words and to know that he will live on because of this work. 

Things that keep coming up for me:

• I tend to feel emotionally stuck in the event or time period that I'm writing about.  That can be a joyful thing or painful depending on the topic and how much I decide to include for my audience.  Writing about the baby years was definitely exhausting and I had to push myself to get through it quickly.  I smelled those diapers and felt the sleepless nights in my entire body.  The brain is a fascinating thing!
• Save your letters; hearing the voice of your younger self is exactly the voice you want to come through in your memoirs.  I'm not a saver but I was never able to throw away my parents or Ralph's letters from my college years.  My parents also gave me a couple letters that I had written to them during the same time frame.  Those were fascinating!  I told them a lot more than I thought I would have.  
• Reliving the life of our marital relationship through this writing is cathartic.  While it does not help the grieving process at all it does confirm that we were happy together for many many years.  It is the reminder that my grieving is real; I lost a good friend and someone who knew me better than anyone else in the world.  I miss him.
• While my intention was to write Ralph's story, I can already see how this is going to spread into another story; mine.  

And so I am writing.  I am a writer.  It has always been a thing to which I have aspired.  And it's happening.   It was always there waiting to come out; I only needed a purpose, an opportunity and and audience.