One Word

In the past few years I have given up on New Year's Resolutions.  I made them every year and they were meaningful.  They were never about losing weight or exercising more.  I spent time in reflection; what would I like to change, how can I be a better person/teacher/mom, etc; what are my goals and how can I meet them?  Sometimes I was successful and sometimes at the end of the year I was sadly lacking in progress on my goal.  Then a couple years ago I discovered a thing called One Word.  At its core, it is taking the idea of your resolutions and putting them into one word.  So after reflection of where I'm going and how I think that I can get there, what is the one word that describes that process?  Two years ago it was gratitude.  That was an easy one.  I could think and write about it every day, and I did.  The thing about the One Word is finding ways to keep it uppermost in your mind so that you can continue to work on it throughout the year - just like a resolution.  Last year my word was enough.  Not what you might think - not that I have enough but I AM enough.  It was the reminder that I have everything I need and that whatever I bring to the world and my relationships was enough.  It was a way for me to do away with my personal judgments.  My trick last year was to buy an Etsy bracelet with the one word etched on it.  It worked.  Every morning in the beginning and then later, when I needed the reminder, I would pop on the simple bracelet and it was like magic.  Just like that, I was enough.  So now it's time for a new word.  As I reflect on the year ahead, I know that I will be called to a new level of strength.  As I watch my dad's health sag, it is clear that I've been drawn here to be one that stands up and takes over when needed or called upon.  I also know that my spiritual life has had a bit of its own sagging going on.  I'm working on that...  My word for 2020 is steadfast.

steadfast
adjective
resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering; steadfast loyalty

synonyms:  loyal, faithful, committed, devoted, dedicated, dependable, reliable, steady, true, constant, staunch, trusty, firm, determined, resolute, stalwart, stout, relentless, implacable, singleminded, unchanging, unwavering, unhesitating, unfaltering, unswerving, unyielding, unflinching, inflexible, uncompromising

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3. Now there are a lot of un- and in- words there which are not my favorites but the synonyms that are resinating with me are faithful, reliable, steady, and constant.  I'm searching for that in my relationships.  I want to be that stalwart presence for both my parents and my children.  I want to be the one that during the hard conversations, I can be reassuring, patient, and the shoulder to lean on.  Lately, I haven't felt very dependable in that department.  Tears are flowing way too often for me to be determined or resolute.  I cry when I leave my parents house knowing that every time I'm there could be the last.  I cry when I even think about being away from my kids and grandchildren at Christmas or birthdays or anything.  This has always been true.  Wherever I am, I think about being somewhere else.  I know that all will be well in the end.  And this is not the end.  So for now, I will work on my steadfastness.  And gratitude. And enough.  That's the other thing I like about the One Word.  It is simple enough that I can remember it over the years and I continue to work on all of them.  That was only true of my resolutions because I was making the same ones over and over again.  
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5. So 2020, I am ready to begin.  I am ready to become more steadfast in this new journey around the sun.