Letting Them Go

One of my greatest struggles in my move to middle school has been allowing kids to fail. That was simply never an issue in elementary school. You sat beside those challenging kids and supported, cajoled and put your hand around theirs to guide that pencil until the deed was done. There was no failing as long as the scaffold was there to catch them before they fell. I prided myself on the ability of every child to achieve success. It was exhausting work but at the end of the year, I sent them on knowing that I had given it everything I had. Last year was my first experience with the notion that if a kid wants to fail, you can't stop them. There is really nothing you can do as a teacher to make them care if the desire isn't there. It was a difficult thing for me to understand and I had many teary nights over one and only one student. I knew that he was put in my life for many valuable lessons so I tried to absorb them as best I could. Well, it's that time of year again where it becomes clear that there are just some kids who I am not going to be able to "save." I have to walk away and let them go to see if they will follow. They seem determined to stumble and fall. I could pick them up again and again but it quickly becomes a game of watching me swoop from behind and stand them up only to look at me, laugh and fall over again. I have set the bar but its up to them to actually lift their feet off the ground and clear it. Last week I had one of those moments where I knew I had hit the wall. It was time to wave the white flag and just see what they could do. Last year I did that over and over again because I just couldn't get it. But the lesson seems to have sunk in a little deeper. This time around I can leave it up to the kids and wait for them to realize that it's now their turn. This is their moment to either make it or break it. Mom can't do it, Dad can't do it and neither can I. It's one of the things I love about middle school. It is the crossroads to growing up; the moment when they first begin to realize who they are and what they are made of. I can't get in the way of that realization, of their becoming who they happen to be at the moment. I can only offer my assistance; it is up to them to accept it and take the first step down that road.