Am I Becoming My Grandmother

Looking at this picture, it is still hard for me to believe that this beautiful cake came out of my kitchen. It all began a few nights ago when I was pondering my team partner's birthday and was in a bit of a quandary about what sort of cake to bake. She gave me a few suggestions and off I went on my internet search. What did I ever cook before the internet? When I first saw this gorgeous thing on line it looked completely out of my league. But the more I searched and reflected on the meaning of real food and the connection between food and friendship, the more I began to think that it was doable, even on a school night. And so it came into being.

The instant I poured that chocolate glaze over the peanut butter frosting, and my hand guided the spatula over the edge of the cake creating that waterfall of decadence, something came to life inside me. I didn't know what it was going to taste like but I somehow knew it was going to be heavenly and that I would be changed by it.

I have always been a good cook, not great but good. I've always attributed it to the fact that I am basically a rule follower. Give me a recipe and I will follow it. I'm not one of those people who adapt or tweak them, I just do what it says. Lately a few things have happened to make me reevaluate my abilities as a cook. #1 I have become known at Buchser as an excellent baker. It was funny at the beginning because that was simply never how I was defined at any other school. Someone else had that role. I was always a part of a group that shared recipes and talked cooking but I was never at the top of the list. Last year I laughed about it but this year it is a more serious mantle that I might now be ready to take on. #2 While my sister was in the hospital with her hip replacement last summer we were chatting with our favorite nurse. She asked which of us was the best cook and my sister immediately responded that I was. Once again I laughed at this because I just had never thought of myself as a better cook than my big sister. I have also recently had a few conversations with my daughter and mother about my great love of Thanksgiving dinner and the important role that my grandmother has played in my life. I still think she is one of the most amazing cooks that ever lived. I would give almost anything to eat one of her dinners just one more time.

This morning I woke up and one of the first thoughts in my head was that amazing cake. I just can't wait to make it again. I laughed it away and then began to think about how my view of myself as a cook is changing. It is an evolving vision. By the time I got through my morning routine the thought had moved from that cake to asking myself, am I becoming my grandmother? I quickly laughed this off as well. I don't ever remember seeing my grandmother take a bite of her own cake and moan, yes moan, about how good it was. I clearly have a long way to go before I achieve "Grandma" status.