The Single Life

Now that house guest season 2008 is officially over I can once again appreciate living alone. Living single in a couples' world is not an easy thing for me. Each year that goes by challenges me to push myself beyond my comfort zone in this department. Eating in restaurants, going to movies, vacationing and even going to parties are all things that are both more memorable and enjoyable when done with a partner. I am currently not interested in finding one of those so the alternative is hanging out with me, myself, and I. The challenge is compounded because I really don't have any single friends nearby that I would feel comfortable calling on a whim and saying "Let's go do something." So the thought often crosses my mind to go out and have some fun when before I know it I have talked myself out of it because it could be uncomfortable. There is always plenty to do around the little green house so it's not something that bothers me for more than a moment. But now that I have been left alone again I can truly appreciate the gifts it brings.

I appreciate the silence. It is much easier to add noise when you need it than it is to take it away.

There is no one who comments on when, what or how much I choose to eat or drink in a given day.

My schedule is self created and can be changed whenever it needs to be. I don't need to fit into anyone else's so there is no negotiation or give and take required.

I don't need to try and figure out any unspoken messages regarding what someone else might want to do or where they want to go or what they want to eat.

While I enjoy walking with friends and chatting about the latest happenings in the world, there is something prayerful about walking alone in the earth's silence with only my footsteps to set the tempo. There is no one in charge of where we walk or how fast we make the trip. It is the closest I can get to meditation in the real world. I breathe. I step. I listen. I pray.

I like myself and like spending time with me. My memories, thoughts and dreams for the future are all the entertainment I need most days.

I have truly come to enjoy the peacefulness that living alone brings. I didn't really realize how comfortable I had become with it until recently. Yes, I would love someone to share the happenings of my day with, someone to eat with and vacation with. But for now, this feels pretty good. And at this moment, it is like heaven.