Are these as funny to other people as they are to teachers?

How to fail a test with dignity:

Student Report Cards

I have had one of the most interesting experiences of my career this week. My partner teacher does an activity with our students where they grade their classes. They give each class a letter grade and write a comment about how it is going for them. The comments have been fascinating to read, think about and discuss with the authors. We are all about being the best teachers we can be for each one of our students. Our job is to create a successful learning experience for each and every one of them, without concern for their specific abilities or attitudes. This is one of the greatest avenues possible for making that a reality. The comments had a very wide range. They went from "You're great" to "I love the stories about your dog" to "Thinking about what to write is hard but I've never been good at writing anyway" to "You talk too fast" to "I need you to check in with me." There were two that really challenged me; one could not back up his attack so it has been negated in my mind but the other one definitely called it as she saw it. Our conversation was one of the most frank discussions I've ever had with a student. The fallout is that I am much more aware of her needs. I look for her eye contact when directions on being given and know that is making me much more efficient. There is no longer the need to answer the endless stream of questions that quickly irritate me and make me appear "impatient" and "strict." The end result of this activity is that the connection to our students is better than ever. They know we really do care what they think and are willing to make changes in individual relationships so that everyone can be successful.

Mission Accomplished

From the very beginning of my teaching career, making it to Halloween has always been an accomplishment. In the early days of first grade, it took that long for kids to get down the routines and for me to have a handle on who the characters would be. It also meant that I had gotten past parent conferences and survived Halloween itself. And that was no small feat when dealing with 6 year olds and sugar was involved. The years have past and I have moved up the grades until I find myself dealing with not 6 year olds but 6th graders. Halloween however remains my signpost that now all will be well. This year is no exception. I have taken on the challenge of teaching a reading intervention class in addition to developing a 6th grade reading curriculum. I am not unhappy about either of these, it is just a challenge. Despite the extra time and energy I need to remind myself that I am much happier being immersed in reading and writing than I was last year in writing and social studies. I am grounded once again in my love of language.

Today was the school world's celebration of Halloween. It was fascinating on so many levels. First is the costumes. Everyone should at one time in their life be on a middle school campus for Halloween. It's just fun. The personalities or perhaps their wished for personalities come out as big as life. They are just happy to be alive. And yet they are still able to conduct themselves in an academic manner. I don't do many videos in my classroom but I do try to incorporate the holiday into learning activities. You can't really ignore it when they walk in with big hats or wings or flapping capes.

I was also reminded today of one of the silly reasons I love middle school; the kids who are there leave and a new group comes in every hour. Today my partner and I switched things around so she could go to her daughter's school Halloween parade. The result was that I had the same group of kids for 3 periods - more than half my day. I did my best to smile and greet them with enthusiasm each time but I was reminded of my elementary experience of having the same kids all day long. There wasn't anything wrong with it at the time, but after being in middle school I have discovered that I like the change throughout the day.

So here we are at another Halloween, the crossroads of the school year. The worst is over and is a memory and the best is yet to come.

Fluctuating Standards

The Reading Intervention class has had an interesting effect on my usually solid standards of behavioral expectations. If principals from my past could observe me in the READ 180 classroom, they would need additional proof that the woman in front of the classroom is actually me. I am now in the business of making all kinds of deals to get kids to do what they need to do. I have become more flexible than I ever imagined possible. And, yes, it is beginning to produce effects. I suppose the primary one is that these kids are finally starting to believe that I care, that I'm not going anywhere, and that I will do anything for student success. The curriculum has become more predictable for them so they now know what is coming as we work our way through each unit. I still have a couple student challenges to overcome and I cannot predict the way it will all fall out when it's over. They will either be gone and replaced with other Far Below Basic students with a better attitude about life or we will continue this dance of making deals, enduring consequences, and making more deals. It is exhausting and stressful just thinking about what those two boys have in store for me on a day to day basis. I can let it go after second period but I seem to relive it every night before falling asleep. Sometimes I try it with a different ending just to get myself reading for the next day. The next morning I am able to put it on the back burner until I am heading out the door for the Read 180 classroom. Then the stress finds a home in my shoulders and I try to prepare for what lies ahead. If only I could figure out what that was before it hit me smack between the eyes. This week my most challenging student said to me, "I'll just do the rotation. I don't want to cause problems for you." WHAT? I was absolutely stunned. And then the other shoe dropped. He suggested that he might like to go to SSR to work on the class Red Ribbon Week poster. So we made our deal. He did his small group and computer work and I sent him off with a smile. We were both very happy with the results of the deal. But when asked what his plans were for the next day, he was very non-committal. So this was not the win that I thought it was. We'll just see what tomorrow brings.

The Reason People Leave Teaching

This morning I came in early to work to get a jump on next week. Instead I was confronted with a letter written by a parent to the vice principal. This letter was a scathing attack on me with a claim that I had been physical with her son on two occasions, that I was biased and had humiliated him in front of his peers. I was absolutely stunned. I have gone from shock to hurt to anger. The letter has settled in my stomach feeling like a solid punch that could take me out at any moment. It was in the middle stage of hurt that I had the great ah ha. Yes, this is why people leave the teaching profession. We pour our heart and soul into everything we do from planning to delivery to assessment and the public has nothing but criticism and wild accusations.

My next thought was that this was something that could easily go to the next level. Before you knew it, I could be left without a credential or job. I am blessed to be working for an amazing administration who know me well and understand the craziness of pre-adolescents and their parents. Nonetheless, I am left stunned by it all.

Attitude is Everything

Yesterday was the day I had been waiting for all year. It was the day determined by the district that the reading intervention program would give the first retest to determine progress made. I couldn't wait to see the look of happiness and pride when these students realized that with time and effort you could actually quantify learning. The first few students looked good. There was an increase 30-50 lexile points. Nice. I was hoping for more but this was a step in the right direction. Then things took a turn for the worse. The next few scores came out LOWER. And then it kept happening over and over again. By the end of the period 10 students improved and 10 went the other way. Thank God that 4 of them were absent. This is why I walked away from special education. I can't handle not believing that what I do makes a difference. But numbers don't lie, do they? So the end of class was an opportunity for them to think about the reason for their scores. My downward readers all said things about not really trying, guessing, not reading the whole passage, and not caring. How do I as a teacher MAKE students care about their own education and future? Maybe there is some illiterate teenager out there that could come give them a wake up call. It is clear that what I am saying and doing is having little effect. I am grateful to have the weekend to recover. Monday, there will be 10 students retaking the test with a hopefully improved attitude.

Acting Like I Care

I have been struggling the past couple weeks to keep my stamina up to last through the day. My reading intervention class still challenges me in the management department. They are just totally exhausting every minute of the 75 that I have them. I have begun to notice that by the time I get the second half of our team 5th and 6th periods, that there just isn't much of me left to give. I am trying out a little Love and Logic and it does seem to be helping but today I had to just give it up and take to the stage. As I walked to the door to greet them I knew I was going to have to dig down deep so I just pretended to be an actress who had nothing but energy and enthusiasm. I don't know where the energy reserve comes from in teachers when there isn't any left but sure enough, there it was. This was second draft day for our memoir unit. So I stood in front of the class and in my most exciting voice announced that this was the day they had been waiting for. And by golly, they believed it was. I love watching the reflection of my smile and energy coming back to me on their faces. But the truth is that I really am tired. It must be time for my annual blood test to check that darn thyroid. But for now I will just put away the character descriptions that need to be graded and go to bed. Hooray for Friday!

Old Fashioned Phones

Today was my turn to hold Homework Club in my room after school. One of the students had become confused about the location and wanted to call his dad to tell him where to pick him up. I suggested dismissing him a minute early so he could walk over to his classroom and meet his dad there but he wanted none of that. No, he couldn't waste a minute of homework club! So he whipped out his cell phone to call him. One look from me told him that it was too early for cell phone use. I pointed to the classroom phone on the wall and he said, "Oh no, Ms. Allen, my dad doesn't answer those kinds of phones." I started to explain that the age of the phone used to dial had nothing to do with the number dialed but just laughed instead. Yes, I still love 6th graders!

People We Put on the Shelf

This is a phrase I have used for many years inside my head. It has come to mean the family members or friends that we basically put on hold. It happens for a variety of reasons. Perhaps a family member continues to say the same thing over and over agian and only sees one facet of our being. Or maybe a friend can only see us serving a single purpose. You are my mom. You tell stories about my past and give advice about how to take the next step in life. You are my friend.I tell you about my problems and you listen. I don't listen to your problems; you listen to mine. When we put our friends and family members on a shelf a dangerous thing happens. We define who they are and their role in life and they remain in that position "forever." They are stuck in time. I have done it to friends and family and it has been done to me. Sometimes it happens as a result of the business of our lives and we just get in the habit of life without them. Sometimes it is purposeful because it is just too difficult to continue the relationship in the state it is in. It seems to have happened a lot in my family and I still have no idea of how to fix it. That's because people can't be fixed. We are who we are, a constant work in process. Every day changes who I am and who I am becoming. I meet new people and they change my perspective on my life and my history. I am a reflector so the meaning I put on an event is in a constant state of flux. Part of that is the recognition that time dulls pain and I cannot evaluate all sides of a relationship when there is pain at its core. So as I get distance from a difficult conversation with a friend or family member I can put it where it belongs. I am on a shelf. It doesn't mean that I'm not loved. It is simply the only way that that relationship can continue without ending. The question is how does one know if it would actually be better for everyone involved to stop. Stop playing at a relationship. Stop pretending. Stop hurting. I don't know. I just take each day as it comes and accept the gifts that are given and hope that at the end of the journey it will all be made clear.

Peopl We Put on the Shelf

People We Put on the Shelf
This is a phrase I have used for many years inside my head. It has come to mean the family members or friends that have put me on hold. It happens for a variety of reasons. Perhaps a family member continues to say the same thing over and over again and only sees us as one thing. Or maybe a friend can only see us as one version of who we are. You are my mom. You only give advice about how to take the next step in life. You are my friend.I tell you about my problems and you listen. I don't listen to your problems; you listen to mine. When we put our friends and family members on a shelf two things happen.. We define who they are and their purpose in life and they remain in that position "forever." I have done it to friends and family and it has been done to me. I am always aware of its power and pain. And when I am on the receiving end it always leads to reflection on why this is happening and am I willing to accept it. It is up to me to change the relationship so that I am not defined by our past interchanges. I need to shout from the rooftops "The me you see is not the me I am." Adjust, adapt or just leave me alone.

Observations of a Sunday Walk Through San Jose

I love to walk. It slows me down and puts everything in perspective. But today I took part in my first half marathon walk. That's quite some walk - 13.1 miles. I'm really not sure that I will ever do it again but I am really glad that I was finally healthy enough to do it once. It's been a goal of mine for a couple years and sometimes it's good just to meet a goal and say "I did that." I'm really not competitive. I could care less what other people are doing but I do challenge myself to constantly do things better and faster. My #1 goal was to finish the "race." My #2 goal was to maintain a 15 minute mile rate. That would mean I should finish in 3 hours and 15 minutes. So when I registered I put myself in the 3:30 category - just in case. My finishing time was 3:13 so I am very pleased with myself. But along the way I saw all kinds of things and did some interesting thinking. Here is a smattering of the inner workings of my brain:

I am confused by how people rate themselves for events like this. At different times of the day I was walking alongside of people in corrals 12 (mine), 13, 10, 8, 6 and even a 5.

It is good to have medical care along the route but I was disturbed when I actually saw people using it - laying on gurneys or inside of ambulances. The ambulance drivers were careful not to turn on their sirens until they had passed the runners.

I am a new fan of Gu. I tried it for the first time just before I reached the 10 mile mark. What a boost at just the right time. Maybe I should keep a supply at school to get me through the day.

I think my race is really the 15K. A 5K is too short: I still have something left after a 10K but by the time I reached the 15K marker I could have been ready to stop. Unfortunately a half marathon is more than a 20K. So I can safely say I gave it my all today.

I was deeply amused to see people texting while jogging. I would never be able to multi task in that way.

I loved seeing all the different ways that people cheered us on: cow bells, drums, inflated bats, cheering (complete with pom poms) and what they were drinking. As we walked east they were drinking coffee but as we neared the rose garden area the beverages changed to mimosas. One person was even selling them for $1. I can't say that I wasn't tempted:)

I was fascinated by the route. We started downtown, wound our way down Jackson St and into Japan town, through the rose garden and into the Kaiser track and back into the Rose Garden and downtown again. The houses and people living in each area were very differnt. We are a diverse population. I was amused at how most people dressed in their work out gear to watch others work out.

We also walked by lots of dogs who looked desperate to walk with any one of us. But all they were allowed to do was watch. Poor doggies.

I am definitely glad I did it. 3 hours is a long time to walk. Thank goodness for bands and iPods and other diversions.

News Headlines

I had a huge AH HA! moment this morning. On the front page of the Mercury News was a story about the effects of divorce on a young family. Now, it is rare that I can pass up a good divorce story, just because. I read the headline and then slipped over to the photo captions and immediately recognized the last name as that of a Sutter family. As it was an extremely rare name it definitely caught my attention. I read on and realized that, yes, indeed it was our Sutter family. So there was this child and her parents along with her younger sister splashed all over the front page of the newspaper. Hmmm... what is it like for a 10 year old to read the dirty laundry of her parents' courtship, difficulty conceiving, couples theapy, affair or not an affair depending on who you talk to and ending with the details and $,$$$ spent on lawyers, child support and alimony. It bares to question, what were these parents thinking when they agreed to do a piece for the newspaper? Did they know that pictures of the mom and her two kids were be in living color on the FRONT page? Did Dad know that the claim he made about being nothing but a baby machine would be in print for his babies to read and reread for all of eternity? What were they thinking?

This of course led me to synthesize this article to all other human interest articles I am drawn to. I just love "train wrecks" and in all honesty read more of those articles than the news in Iraq, Iran, Samoa or North Korea combined. These articles are all about real people who live in real homes and are trying to do the best they can for their families. They all go to school somewhere and have friends whose parents read that paper and say, "Isn't that your friend so-and-so who's in your class?" Yeah. What is that like for a 6 and 10 year old child who are just trying to learn to read and add or subtract or write a decent essay?

I am sorry. I am sorry for my curiosity. I am sorry for the desperation that leads people to use the newspaper as a friend that will listen to their side of the story. I am sorry for these broken families and their children that must somehow now find their way in the world.

Friday Update

Computer: Today I walked back in my room after Read 180 and discovered that my computer was on. Yahoo! It's back! My new computer is back! I went to check my school mail account to see everything I had missed so far in the day but something was very wrong. The latest mail available was dated August 31st. As I investigated further I discovered that was not my new computer; it was my old computer. Luckily my "savior" helped me solve the mail problem and I slowly adjusted to being grateful for my old friend being back once again.

Student Guidelines for words Ms. Allen doesn't like to read: Please add to the list suck, sucks and sucked. When asked if they knew sucks is a "bad" word they were all stunned beyond comment. I can't wait to have breakfast with my friend, the 5th grade teacher this weekend and ask what in the world is going on in elementary school writing workshop!

An Announcement I Never Thought That I'd Make

The world may need a little background information on this one. We have been working on envisioning in reading and sensory images in writing. A few of my young authors have gotten a little carried away in trying to make their olfactory images come to life for their "reader."

Teacher announcement made today:
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I'm not sure if you understand this or not but the audience you write for in this classroom is ME. I am a 55 year old woman who lives a very simple life in a nice little house with her dog. Even though I love teaching 6th graders, I am not one of your friends and I am not amused by 6th grade humor. I don't like reading about barf and poo. Up until this moment I have been writing comments on your papers about these words being inappropriate and you have been asked to redo the assignment. Let me just say here and now from this point forward, I do not expect to see anyone use either of those words or topics ever again. Are there any questions? Good.

Erase That Happy Thought From Yesterday

I would like to rescind all my happiness about my new computer. I came into work this morning eager to get started with my day AND my new computer. I turned it on and it went totally berserk. It just started loading documents and Internet Explorer until it knocked itself out. I'm talking hundreds of them. There were all kinds of flashing lights. It tried to find and resolve its problem with no luck at all. By 7:15 I was utterly despondent. I don't think I have ever been that sad about a material object in my life. It is a lesson learned about the transientness of happiness and the yin and yang of our existence.

The Little Things in Life

I knew it was coming but I was still so excited to be the recipient of a new teacher computer today. We somehow kept the old one functioning over the past few weeks. And I am lucky enough to have people who care about me and my life at school that I ended up on the short list of new computer recipients. There is just a feeling of respect that comes along with new "toys." So thank you to everyone out there who made it happen. I am a happy Bobcat!

Passing Back Papers

Most of the time I don't really like passing back corrected papers. But it occurred to me this morning that there are a couple reasons I take on that responsibility in the beginning of the year. The #1 reason is that the kids don't know everybody yet and it takes them forever as they wander aimlessly around the room looking for the kid that matches the name on the paper. But I was reminded of the other reason this morning. For some reason 6th graders come to middle school with a very unrealistic view of their writing skills. They all think they are horrible writers and are shocked to see papers with As or Bs on them. Now part of that is because it is the first time they have gotten letter grades. As important as teaching the standards are, the elementary standards based report card just doesn't connect with kids. Getting a 4 cannot compare to the status of an A. Last year my kids HATED writing and I spent the first couple months of school showing them it can be fun. This group definitely came in with a better attitude and now that letter grades are flying around the room are loving it even more. My favorite part as I crusie by, dropping off a table load of papers is the sucking in of air that seems almost instinctual followed by the long sigh and the comment, "I got an A. I can't believe it." I don't give grades and my kids know it. So the smile and little wiggle in their chair as they sit a little taller is just so cute. I'm about ready to pass on the paper responsibility to the students but I have to admit it did bring a little burst of happiness to my day.

First Sub Day

Yesterday was my first sub day of the year. Sub plans has always been one of those things on my "Why I Love Middle School" list. It still is but I had a huge AH HA about choosing a sub this year for my Read 180 class. These are not typical middle school students. Many of them are not fluent in English, most have been failing for a long, long time and don't really like school. So I guess it takes a special someone to handle my little darlings. I wasn't ready to leave them with a sub because we were just beginning to have a shared focus. So I told my sub I would be there and she could just monitor independent readers or just hang out and watch the program. She responded by telling me that she wasreally interested in tutoring adolescent readers and would love to be there. So 2nd period rolls around with no sub. I start teaching and she comes in and plops down at the small group table. Once rotations begin, I tell her that she can go read with anyone in the independent reading area. She takes off and as I'm beginning my small group lesson, I see her approach a couple kids but I don't see any reading going on. She slinks back to my table and says, "I don't think they want me here" and left the classroom. Oh if life could be that easy and we could just leave when they don't want us.

Taking a Fall

I have never been in the least bit graceful. I walk everyday and everyday I stumble and almost fall. It was only a matter of time before I was unable to recover and actually hit the deck. Yesterday, on my way to walk with a friend, I tripped over an uneven piece of sidewalk and was unable to catch myself. I actually felt more coordinated going down than I ever imagined I would. But the end result was a scraped up knee and a very sore wrist. I had a very restless night but made it through the day today without too much pain. The wrist is loosening up a bit and the knee is beginning to heal. This is another one of those reminders of how quickly life can make a turn and change for the worse. I could easily have broken a bone in my hand, arm or leg. So I continue to walk but am just a tad bit more careful and looking down more often than out. The hesitancy will pass but for now I am giving thanks for my gifts and wounds that will heal when given enough time.

A Long Time Between Posts

It has been a long time since I have updated my blog. I have no excuses, reasons or explanations beyond the simple fact that the beginning of school is an extremely busy time.

I am loving teaching reading and writing to my darling little 6th graders as well as my intervention class. It has been quite a venture being involved in the start up of a brand new middle school program. I have no doubt that I was placed at Buchser to be doing exactly what I am doing. It is the culmination of my teaching experience all put to its best possible use - primary reading instruction, special education and middle school all rolled together into one. However, the materials and technology set backs have been many. I am hopeful that by next week everything will be purchased, installed and in the hands of students and I can stop my weekly and sometimes daily e-mails to the powers that be.

Another challenge in my school life has been a down computer in my classroom. I guess for other teachers this wouldn't have been a problem but I have recently learned that I am one of the rare teachers that only has one computer in her classroom. So for 6 school days I only had access to a computer while I was in the READ 180 room. I was definitely more efficient both as a classroom teacher and when I was on line. In the classroom there were no distractions in dealing with e-mails between classes but it was also a struggle to handle the day to day things upon which we depend on technology. It meant doing attendance on paper and sending a student to the attendance office within the first 10 minutes of class. I also became aware of how many times during the day we say "Did you see that e-mail from ___ about ___? There were even times when I would tell someone something and s/he would say, "Could you send me an e-mail about that?" But the positive side was that my focus was entirely on those 32 kids in the classroom and not on attendance, or on-line grades, or e-mails to remind me of upcoming events or meetings or information about absent kids. I was just teaching.

We are in our third week of school and it is about now when I begin to surface again. My grades are up to date, I have given the first writing assessment and have a pretty good idea of where my readers are. I know everyone's name and can even recognize them when they are in the quad and not in their assigned seat. But thinking back on the past few weeks is a little shocking. So, here are some of things that go on in the opening weeks of school:
August 24th - First day of school
August 26th - Team Meeting
August 27th - School Walk-a-thon followed by locker assignments
September 2 - Grade level meeting followed by a Faculty Meeting
September 3 - Back to School Night
September 9 - Team Meeting
September 10 - Google Calendar Training followed by READ 180 Meeting
September 15 - Picture Day
September 16 - Department Meeting
September 18 - 6th Grade Social

As I so often like to say, "Yikes."