Thursday, September 10, 2009
Taking a Fall
I have never been in the least bit graceful. I walk everyday and everyday I stumble and almost fall. It was only a matter of time before I was unable to recover and actually hit the deck. Yesterday, on my way to walk with a friend, I tripped over an uneven piece of sidewalk and was unable to catch myself. I actually felt more coordinated going down than I ever imagined I would. But the end result was a scraped up knee and a very sore wrist. I had a very restless night but made it through the day today without too much pain. The wrist is loosening up a bit and the knee is beginning to heal. This is another one of those reminders of how quickly life can make a turn and change for the worse. I could easily have broken a bone in my hand, arm or leg. So I continue to walk but am just a tad bit more careful and looking down more often than out. The hesitancy will pass but for now I am giving thanks for my gifts and wounds that will heal when given enough time.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
A Long Time Between Posts
It has been a long time since I have updated my blog. I have no excuses, reasons or explanations beyond the simple fact that the beginning of school is an extremely busy time.
I am loving teaching reading and writing to my darling little 6th graders as well as my intervention class. It has been quite a venture being involved in the start up of a brand new middle school program. I have no doubt that I was placed at Buchser to be doing exactly what I am doing. It is the culmination of my teaching experience all put to its best possible use - primary reading instruction, special education and middle school all rolled together into one. However, the materials and technology set backs have been many. I am hopeful that by next week everything will be purchased, installed and in the hands of students and I can stop my weekly and sometimes daily e-mails to the powers that be.
Another challenge in my school life has been a down computer in my classroom. I guess for other teachers this wouldn't have been a problem but I have recently learned that I am one of the rare teachers that only has one computer in her classroom. So for 6 school days I only had access to a computer while I was in the READ 180 room. I was definitely more efficient both as a classroom teacher and when I was on line. In the classroom there were no distractions in dealing with e-mails between classes but it was also a struggle to handle the day to day things upon which we depend on technology. It meant doing attendance on paper and sending a student to the attendance office within the first 10 minutes of class. I also became aware of how many times during the day we say "Did you see that e-mail from ___ about ___? There were even times when I would tell someone something and s/he would say, "Could you send me an e-mail about that?" But the positive side was that my focus was entirely on those 32 kids in the classroom and not on attendance, or on-line grades, or e-mails to remind me of upcoming events or meetings or information about absent kids. I was just teaching.
We are in our third week of school and it is about now when I begin to surface again. My grades are up to date, I have given the first writing assessment and have a pretty good idea of where my readers are. I know everyone's name and can even recognize them when they are in the quad and not in their assigned seat. But thinking back on the past few weeks is a little shocking. So, here are some of things that go on in the opening weeks of school:
August 24th - First day of school
August 26th - Team Meeting
August 27th - School Walk-a-thon followed by locker assignments
September 2 - Grade level meeting followed by a Faculty Meeting
September 3 - Back to School Night
September 9 - Team Meeting
September 10 - Google Calendar Training followed by READ 180 Meeting
September 15 - Picture Day
September 16 - Department Meeting
September 18 - 6th Grade Social
As I so often like to say, "Yikes."
I am loving teaching reading and writing to my darling little 6th graders as well as my intervention class. It has been quite a venture being involved in the start up of a brand new middle school program. I have no doubt that I was placed at Buchser to be doing exactly what I am doing. It is the culmination of my teaching experience all put to its best possible use - primary reading instruction, special education and middle school all rolled together into one. However, the materials and technology set backs have been many. I am hopeful that by next week everything will be purchased, installed and in the hands of students and I can stop my weekly and sometimes daily e-mails to the powers that be.
Another challenge in my school life has been a down computer in my classroom. I guess for other teachers this wouldn't have been a problem but I have recently learned that I am one of the rare teachers that only has one computer in her classroom. So for 6 school days I only had access to a computer while I was in the READ 180 room. I was definitely more efficient both as a classroom teacher and when I was on line. In the classroom there were no distractions in dealing with e-mails between classes but it was also a struggle to handle the day to day things upon which we depend on technology. It meant doing attendance on paper and sending a student to the attendance office within the first 10 minutes of class. I also became aware of how many times during the day we say "Did you see that e-mail from ___ about ___? There were even times when I would tell someone something and s/he would say, "Could you send me an e-mail about that?" But the positive side was that my focus was entirely on those 32 kids in the classroom and not on attendance, or on-line grades, or e-mails to remind me of upcoming events or meetings or information about absent kids. I was just teaching.
We are in our third week of school and it is about now when I begin to surface again. My grades are up to date, I have given the first writing assessment and have a pretty good idea of where my readers are. I know everyone's name and can even recognize them when they are in the quad and not in their assigned seat. But thinking back on the past few weeks is a little shocking. So, here are some of things that go on in the opening weeks of school:
August 24th - First day of school
August 26th - Team Meeting
August 27th - School Walk-a-thon followed by locker assignments
September 2 - Grade level meeting followed by a Faculty Meeting
September 3 - Back to School Night
September 9 - Team Meeting
September 10 - Google Calendar Training followed by READ 180 Meeting
September 15 - Picture Day
September 16 - Department Meeting
September 18 - 6th Grade Social
As I so often like to say, "Yikes."
Monday, August 24, 2009
Day One, Year Two
Before beginning the writing of this post, I thought it would be interesting to see how my feelings today compare with those of a year ago. As I searched the archives I sadly discovered there is no history. I didn't come back to my blog until mid November. Well, that says a lot about where I was last year at this moment.
So I will just start at the beginning. This is my second year of middle school and it feels so much better than my memories of 2008. I remember not sleeping for days and having horrible dreams of ill mannered juvenile delinquents who I had no idea of how to manage. In contrast, this year I have to admit that while I have lost some sleep over worries of starting a new year, there have been no weird dreams. I would just wake up and pre-play the first day. And before you know it, there was enough daylight that I could legitimately get up and make my coffee to start the day.
Day 1 finally arrived and I was as prepared as I wanted to be. I could have spend the whole weekend obsessing over tiny little details but knew that would not be healthy for me or anyone else in the classroom. I puttered around my room this morning until it was time for yard duty and went out to welcome a new crop. I was taken by surprise at how happy I was to see my now 7th grade students and my old friends from Sutter. It is that feeling of home that always brings my feet back to the ground. I constantly forget how important it is for me to be known.
What a difference a year makes! Last year I had so little knowledge of what I was doing. It was about all I could do to just to keep breathing. Fast forward to this year. I was totally shocked to see that deer in the headlights look from almost every student in my classroom until after lunch. Few of them made eye contact with anyone, let alone the teacher. Only the 3 Sutter kids who had me before even came close to laughing at my lighter comments. The poor things. The afternoon was a little better and I'm hopeful that after a good night's sleep these kids will remember Ms. Allen's words. Today is the worst of it. It's all downhill from here.
So I will just start at the beginning. This is my second year of middle school and it feels so much better than my memories of 2008. I remember not sleeping for days and having horrible dreams of ill mannered juvenile delinquents who I had no idea of how to manage. In contrast, this year I have to admit that while I have lost some sleep over worries of starting a new year, there have been no weird dreams. I would just wake up and pre-play the first day. And before you know it, there was enough daylight that I could legitimately get up and make my coffee to start the day.
Day 1 finally arrived and I was as prepared as I wanted to be. I could have spend the whole weekend obsessing over tiny little details but knew that would not be healthy for me or anyone else in the classroom. I puttered around my room this morning until it was time for yard duty and went out to welcome a new crop. I was taken by surprise at how happy I was to see my now 7th grade students and my old friends from Sutter. It is that feeling of home that always brings my feet back to the ground. I constantly forget how important it is for me to be known.
What a difference a year makes! Last year I had so little knowledge of what I was doing. It was about all I could do to just to keep breathing. Fast forward to this year. I was totally shocked to see that deer in the headlights look from almost every student in my classroom until after lunch. Few of them made eye contact with anyone, let alone the teacher. Only the 3 Sutter kids who had me before even came close to laughing at my lighter comments. The poor things. The afternoon was a little better and I'm hopeful that after a good night's sleep these kids will remember Ms. Allen's words. Today is the worst of it. It's all downhill from here.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
A New Beginning
One of the things I love most about my job is that every fall brings a new beginning. It's like renegotiating your contract and saying "Yes! I want to do that again!" That's how I'm feeling today but more so. I have to contain myself not to shout out how excited I am about going back to school. It's not socially acceptable to be excited about the first day of school but in all honesty, that's who I am as a teacher.
Summer school is now a distant memory. My vacation to Washington was very nice. But I am all about being HOME and am deeply defined by my profession. It is time to begin anew once again.
Yesterday was my first day back which meant I was very distracted. There were people to say Hi to, summer school stuff that needed putting away, desks to move into position and a second classroom to prepare. I will be teaching a reading intervention class this year which needs its own room so special ed and ELL can also use the materials. I now lovingly call B-10 my annex. It was a long day but I was a little more focused by the time it was over.
Today when I returned I knew I had to get the paper up on the walls and start some lesson planning. Late this afternoon, I pulled out my "Beginning of the Year" folder and was overwhelmed with feelings of last year. I had no idea what I was doing but I had lists of talking points (which I believe came from my partner teacher) and getting to know you activities, most of which I never used. The past 2 days have been a huge AH HA of how little I knew just a year ago. I am overcome with how much calmer I feel going in to my second year of middle school. I know lots of people whom I had never even met at this time a year ago. Meeting new people is a huge challenge for me so the sense of familiarity makes me feel instantly at home. I know the writing curriculum and how I want to tweak it to make it better this year. But the biggest piece of the puzzle is the fact that I am once again teaching reading. I think it's much more emotional than academic. I am a reading teacher. It's where I started and to some extent defines who I am as a teacher. The things we read change what we think about the world and who we become. The deep conversations that go on in the classroom occur as a result of our shared reading experiences and what we think about them.
There's a tiny piece of me that just can't wait for Monday morning. But I also know that on Monday morning I will be nauseous and wishing the introductions and getting to know you stage was over and learning had already begun.
Summer school is now a distant memory. My vacation to Washington was very nice. But I am all about being HOME and am deeply defined by my profession. It is time to begin anew once again.
Yesterday was my first day back which meant I was very distracted. There were people to say Hi to, summer school stuff that needed putting away, desks to move into position and a second classroom to prepare. I will be teaching a reading intervention class this year which needs its own room so special ed and ELL can also use the materials. I now lovingly call B-10 my annex. It was a long day but I was a little more focused by the time it was over.
Today when I returned I knew I had to get the paper up on the walls and start some lesson planning. Late this afternoon, I pulled out my "Beginning of the Year" folder and was overwhelmed with feelings of last year. I had no idea what I was doing but I had lists of talking points (which I believe came from my partner teacher) and getting to know you activities, most of which I never used. The past 2 days have been a huge AH HA of how little I knew just a year ago. I am overcome with how much calmer I feel going in to my second year of middle school. I know lots of people whom I had never even met at this time a year ago. Meeting new people is a huge challenge for me so the sense of familiarity makes me feel instantly at home. I know the writing curriculum and how I want to tweak it to make it better this year. But the biggest piece of the puzzle is the fact that I am once again teaching reading. I think it's much more emotional than academic. I am a reading teacher. It's where I started and to some extent defines who I am as a teacher. The things we read change what we think about the world and who we become. The deep conversations that go on in the classroom occur as a result of our shared reading experiences and what we think about them.
There's a tiny piece of me that just can't wait for Monday morning. But I also know that on Monday morning I will be nauseous and wishing the introductions and getting to know you stage was over and learning had already begun.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Mystified
I have made a few comments here and there about one of my student teachers from Summer School. I won't belabor the point of how surprised I have been by how it has all turned out. I remain mystified and a bit humbled that every now and then our first impressions can be way off course. Today she gave me a thank you note and I have to say she was clearly paying attention
"Thank you so much for allowing me to be apart of your classroom this summer. I have enjoyed the past 5 weeks and learned more than I thought possible. I especially appreciated your use of positive reinforcement and loved seeing the students respond to your encouragement. I will miss your ability to see the potential in every student, but I hope to carry this outlook into my other classrooms."
Wow...
"Thank you so much for allowing me to be apart of your classroom this summer. I have enjoyed the past 5 weeks and learned more than I thought possible. I especially appreciated your use of positive reinforcement and loved seeing the students respond to your encouragement. I will miss your ability to see the potential in every student, but I hope to carry this outlook into my other classrooms."
Wow...
Week Number Five - The End
Summer school 2009 is now history and so today a breathe a huge sigh of relieve. The end is always anticlimactic because so many kids don't bother to show up but nonetheless I am thrilled to be done with it. It wasn't as bad as I often thought it was but I still don't want to do it again. I'm tired. It's just as simple as that. The money is good - no doubt of that - but it is all just so exhausting. I'm not the kind of teacher that can take anything lightly. I lose as much sleep over summer school kids and lesson plan as I do during the regular school year. I just can't shut it off. And that is no way to spend a summer vacation. But I have to admit I have grown and learned many new things as a result of my summer school experiences.
1. Sometimes my first impressions of people can be a little off. I had a student teacher who I would have bet money on the fact that she didn't think I knew jack about teaching. I was dead wrong. I still don't think she fully comprehended everything she was seeing but the girl was just hungry for more. Her questions weren't necessarily questioning me, they were just questions.
2. It is still hard for me to give up control of the classroom but I definitely improved in that department this summer. I allowed student teachers to dig in without my intervention and resentment did not rear its ugly head. That is definitely a step in the right direction.
3. I saw great growth in several kids that I kind of thought were players. Patience and maintaining eye contact for ungodly long periods of time can be very effective.
4. The very most important thing a student can do to begin a successful career is to show up and pay attention. That's it. That's all it takes. The brain will do the rest automatically.
5. I truly had no idea how much I have missed teaching reading. I LOVE the deep conversations that come about because of stories and the way people share who they are through those conversations.
6. I continue to learn how to make connections for kids between the school world and the real one. One of my best lessons this summer was convincing my students that they are the main characters in the story of their own lives. It was a powerful way to link to their new identities as middle school students. Every day we decide who we are projecting to the outside world. This is still a life lesson for me. Who am I? Would the people who know and love me answer that question the way I do? If not, I need to reintroduce my "character" to my readers.
7. Afternoon naps are amazing. I'm quite sure I would have ended up in a heap without them.
And now I think that is just what I will do - go take a nap.
1. Sometimes my first impressions of people can be a little off. I had a student teacher who I would have bet money on the fact that she didn't think I knew jack about teaching. I was dead wrong. I still don't think she fully comprehended everything she was seeing but the girl was just hungry for more. Her questions weren't necessarily questioning me, they were just questions.
2. It is still hard for me to give up control of the classroom but I definitely improved in that department this summer. I allowed student teachers to dig in without my intervention and resentment did not rear its ugly head. That is definitely a step in the right direction.
3. I saw great growth in several kids that I kind of thought were players. Patience and maintaining eye contact for ungodly long periods of time can be very effective.
4. The very most important thing a student can do to begin a successful career is to show up and pay attention. That's it. That's all it takes. The brain will do the rest automatically.
5. I truly had no idea how much I have missed teaching reading. I LOVE the deep conversations that come about because of stories and the way people share who they are through those conversations.
6. I continue to learn how to make connections for kids between the school world and the real one. One of my best lessons this summer was convincing my students that they are the main characters in the story of their own lives. It was a powerful way to link to their new identities as middle school students. Every day we decide who we are projecting to the outside world. This is still a life lesson for me. Who am I? Would the people who know and love me answer that question the way I do? If not, I need to reintroduce my "character" to my readers.
7. Afternoon naps are amazing. I'm quite sure I would have ended up in a heap without them.
And now I think that is just what I will do - go take a nap.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
An Awareness of Aging
I am aging. This is something that has been playing on my mind this summer. I'm not old. I just feel myself changing. Living in the moment forces you to see things and feel things that you might ignore otherwise. I now notice changes in my body; new lines, aches and pains, gravity taking its toll. Actually, this is probably a change for the better. In years past I would ignore those aches and pains, truly believing that my body would heal itself and there was no need for intervention. My first bout with tendonitis a couple years ago taught me differently. And it seems lately there has been one reminder after another. The past school year I had some weird foot thing, a frozen shoulder and shingles. That's a lot in a very short period of time.
I revel in everything I am still able to do but I also know it could very well be transient. Walking the Wharf to Wharf reminded me that I am still able to maintain a 15 minute mile for a distance of 6 miles. On the other hand, my very own sister who is only slightly older than I am, is having a hip replacement next week. How is it that we are old enough for such things? This is by no means the end of the world; it is just an awareness of aging. I'm not sad or upset or depressed - just aware.
The flip side is senior discounts. On two occasions this month I have been made aware of senior discounts for those who are 55 and older. The first time I was too afraid to ask for it; I figured they would card me but the second time I told them I would be 55 in 2 weeks... No dice. It must be about time for my gray hair to stop playing around and get serious.
As I turn 55 this week I am also aware that it is a midpoint of sorts. I have loved my 40s and 50s but I'm a little wary of the upcoming 60s. 60 just sounds older to me - the age of retirement, social security and medicare. I, of course, look forward to all of these things but they are symbols of growing old in our society. So it has taken me aback to realize that in just 5 short years, I will be 60 something.
While I am a strong believer that age is an attitude, there are some very real things that accompany it that can not be denied. I sleep less than I did a year or so ago. I tire in the garden more easily. There are pains that must be dealt with. I am simply aware of a change in the air. However, you can be assured that this does nothing to diminish the enthusiasm I have always had for my birthday. I still think it's the best day of the whole darn year.
I revel in everything I am still able to do but I also know it could very well be transient. Walking the Wharf to Wharf reminded me that I am still able to maintain a 15 minute mile for a distance of 6 miles. On the other hand, my very own sister who is only slightly older than I am, is having a hip replacement next week. How is it that we are old enough for such things? This is by no means the end of the world; it is just an awareness of aging. I'm not sad or upset or depressed - just aware.
The flip side is senior discounts. On two occasions this month I have been made aware of senior discounts for those who are 55 and older. The first time I was too afraid to ask for it; I figured they would card me but the second time I told them I would be 55 in 2 weeks... No dice. It must be about time for my gray hair to stop playing around and get serious.
As I turn 55 this week I am also aware that it is a midpoint of sorts. I have loved my 40s and 50s but I'm a little wary of the upcoming 60s. 60 just sounds older to me - the age of retirement, social security and medicare. I, of course, look forward to all of these things but they are symbols of growing old in our society. So it has taken me aback to realize that in just 5 short years, I will be 60 something.
While I am a strong believer that age is an attitude, there are some very real things that accompany it that can not be denied. I sleep less than I did a year or so ago. I tire in the garden more easily. There are pains that must be dealt with. I am simply aware of a change in the air. However, you can be assured that this does nothing to diminish the enthusiasm I have always had for my birthday. I still think it's the best day of the whole darn year.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Week Number Four
The end is near. We are down to 4 days of summer school. That is only 18 hours of contract time and 16 hours of face time! But who's counting? Week number four definitely had its highs and lows. The kids found their rhythm and seemed much more aware of their end of the responsibility of the learning game. Show up and tune in. It's as easy as that. But part of the reason for them finding their rhythm is me bringing the hammer down. No, we don't throw erasers. We respect things that have been GIVEN to us to use. No we don't write nasty comments on other people's name tags. That is rude and disrespectful. The erasers are now being closely monitored and the name tags are currently being recycled into another piece of paper somewhere. So maybe starting the day with basic expectations makes for a better learning atmosphere. I just don't like wasting my time on general behavior that is a given by the time you hit middle school. But you gotta do what you gotta do. The end result is that the writing was more fluent, there were new voices in the room and the unit is feeling connected.
The student teachers and I had our assessment conferences today. That is where I tell them my observations and opinions of their work in the educational profession thus far, according to the teaching standards. Yes, we have standards too. Last year these conferences occurred on the last day so I didn't have to worry about them stalking me down a dark alley in the dead of night to get retribution. I had to watch my words this year since we still have another week together. But it turns out I had nothing to fear. The refreshing part is that each of them was already aware of the challenges which I addressed. I stayed after our meetings and wrote up the reports so now all that is left is the students' End of Session Progress Reports. I think I'll put them off for a day or so.
The student teachers and I had our assessment conferences today. That is where I tell them my observations and opinions of their work in the educational profession thus far, according to the teaching standards. Yes, we have standards too. Last year these conferences occurred on the last day so I didn't have to worry about them stalking me down a dark alley in the dead of night to get retribution. I had to watch my words this year since we still have another week together. But it turns out I had nothing to fear. The refreshing part is that each of them was already aware of the challenges which I addressed. I stayed after our meetings and wrote up the reports so now all that is left is the students' End of Session Progress Reports. I think I'll put them off for a day or so.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Week Number Three
Friday has come again and the third week of summer school is over. The days are passing more quickly now and I am in my rhythm. That's what happens when kids weasel their way into my heart. I look forward to seeing their tired little faces every morning and watching the transformation as I smile and say "How's it goin'?" They don't really want to respond but they just can't help themselves. The student teachers are getting some ah hahs about who is sitting in the seats and what walks through the door with them - deceased or seriously injured parents, language issues, sibling rivalry that lands them in the emergency room, kids who talk freely about learning disabilities or missed elementary school benchmarks, not to mention all the "normal" middle school social issues that at any moment can rear their ugly heads.
There were many positive events this week.
#1 on the list is my appreciation for working in an air conditioned classroom. You don't really know how wonderful it is until the temperature rises above 90. I realized one morning as I was rushing to work that I didn't need to hurry in to get the windows open in order to get the early morning air in the classroom. What a relief! It comes with a feeling of respect for who we are and what we are about. You just can't expect much of a product when human beings are forced to work in unbearably hot classrooms.
#2 Facing 32-34 challenged students each period makes me appreciate and almost crave the balanced classroom. I love how kids learn from one another. 6th grade is just a great age when they start to realize that everyone has gifts to share. Summer school kids are the ones whose voices haven't been heard and they're usually not sure how to get them in the room in an appropriate manner.
#3 Teaching reading and writing in summer school has helped me consolidate my thinking about what I want do to connect the two in the regular school year. I can't wait to get started. I have truly missed the teaching of reading and didn't know how much until now.
#4 Today's conversation with my student teachers was very complimentary. They have been out to enough classrooms and had enough personal experiences with individual kids that they can now see what I bring to the classroom. I don't need their approval to know who I am as a teacher but it sure feels better when it is spoken out loud.
One final observation that has struck me this week is once again the difference between my primary and secondary experiences. Once upon a time long ago I taught at GM and looped from first to second grade. In that class was a boy who I lovingly termed "hell on wheels." I didn't know how else to describe him. He wasn't LD or ED but he was totally out of control. His mom called the police to their house several times over the 2 years I had him. He kicked in doors, destroyed property and just generally caused mayhem. But on the other hand he was charismatic, lovable and really wanted to succeed. The past 4 years haven't solved any problems. He's been at Opportunity and out and "home schooled" which really means he was just not in school. And now he's attempting to re-enter the academic world. He's not happy about it but is making an attempt to play the game. I have had the pleasure of having a few conversations with him this week. In every one of them he was always respectful and went out of his way to greet me by name - that doesn't always happen in middle school. I have been struck by the differences in these challenging kids between 1/2 grade and 7th. As a young child he was the personification of hyper kinetic energy. You never knew where he would end up from one minute to the next. His voice could go from normal speech to yelling and screaming in a split second. Today you would think he was one of the most mellow kids on earth. It's all part of the act and much more difficult to address. He has clearly been my ah ha for summer school. Inside the bodies of our super cool adolescent kids who can''t be bothered even answering your questions is the little boy who just cannot come to terms with his inside feelings and the outside world.
Week 3 has been a turning point. It is the realization of how deeply I love my job no matter who is in the seats. It is also clear to me how much I need to be challenged in my profession. I love the kids that make me rethink what and how I teach. But it is also the awareness that we are on the downhill side.
There were many positive events this week.
#1 on the list is my appreciation for working in an air conditioned classroom. You don't really know how wonderful it is until the temperature rises above 90. I realized one morning as I was rushing to work that I didn't need to hurry in to get the windows open in order to get the early morning air in the classroom. What a relief! It comes with a feeling of respect for who we are and what we are about. You just can't expect much of a product when human beings are forced to work in unbearably hot classrooms.
#2 Facing 32-34 challenged students each period makes me appreciate and almost crave the balanced classroom. I love how kids learn from one another. 6th grade is just a great age when they start to realize that everyone has gifts to share. Summer school kids are the ones whose voices haven't been heard and they're usually not sure how to get them in the room in an appropriate manner.
#3 Teaching reading and writing in summer school has helped me consolidate my thinking about what I want do to connect the two in the regular school year. I can't wait to get started. I have truly missed the teaching of reading and didn't know how much until now.
#4 Today's conversation with my student teachers was very complimentary. They have been out to enough classrooms and had enough personal experiences with individual kids that they can now see what I bring to the classroom. I don't need their approval to know who I am as a teacher but it sure feels better when it is spoken out loud.
One final observation that has struck me this week is once again the difference between my primary and secondary experiences. Once upon a time long ago I taught at GM and looped from first to second grade. In that class was a boy who I lovingly termed "hell on wheels." I didn't know how else to describe him. He wasn't LD or ED but he was totally out of control. His mom called the police to their house several times over the 2 years I had him. He kicked in doors, destroyed property and just generally caused mayhem. But on the other hand he was charismatic, lovable and really wanted to succeed. The past 4 years haven't solved any problems. He's been at Opportunity and out and "home schooled" which really means he was just not in school. And now he's attempting to re-enter the academic world. He's not happy about it but is making an attempt to play the game. I have had the pleasure of having a few conversations with him this week. In every one of them he was always respectful and went out of his way to greet me by name - that doesn't always happen in middle school. I have been struck by the differences in these challenging kids between 1/2 grade and 7th. As a young child he was the personification of hyper kinetic energy. You never knew where he would end up from one minute to the next. His voice could go from normal speech to yelling and screaming in a split second. Today you would think he was one of the most mellow kids on earth. It's all part of the act and much more difficult to address. He has clearly been my ah ha for summer school. Inside the bodies of our super cool adolescent kids who can''t be bothered even answering your questions is the little boy who just cannot come to terms with his inside feelings and the outside world.
Week 3 has been a turning point. It is the realization of how deeply I love my job no matter who is in the seats. It is also clear to me how much I need to be challenged in my profession. I love the kids that make me rethink what and how I teach. But it is also the awareness that we are on the downhill side.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Week Number Two
The second week of summer school is over and done with. The kids are settling into some sort of routine and are figuring out a system for working with one another. They are also figuring out me and where my line is. #1 is flying pencils. Yes, both my classes learned this week that if something flies into Ms. Allen's line of sight, WATCH OUT. They now know that safety comes first. I don't really like getting in kids' faces but sometimes it is an extremely effective strategy and if a pencil flies through the air that is just my gut reaction.
It feels good to have the second week complete. That means that we are almost to the halfway point. My student teachers have become bored with observing and are up and about a lot more, hanging out with the kids. They are attempting to find their role in the classroom and create that all important boundary between kid and teacher.
The whole student teacher thing is extremely challenging for me. I'm not one that likes to have others in my room in the first place so to have 3 of them evaluating every word and action I take requires a lot of self reassurance. I am quick to think that I am being judged but I try to remember that they will one day understand the importance of classroom management as opposed to fun and creative activities. It also helps to know that other experienced teachers have the same issues. I was approached by 2 different teachers yesterday who basically wanted to vent about the passive aggressive nature of their student teachers - whispering to each other in the corner, questioning teachers about why they do what they do, suggesting alternative activities, making comparisons to other teachers. It just fosters a feeling of unease and borders on disrespect. My biggest issue is a self-professed "not a morning person" who walks into the room every day and as I greet her I get nothing in return. Today I think she grunted ever so slightly. Just a big pet peeve of mine. Human beings respond to one another, tired or not. But I have to let it go. It is obviously not about me!
So week 2 was close to a success. No one left the room without permission. The VP was in and complemented me on the tightness of my lesson. One of my more unengaged students asked if he could write during break time. Things are looking up.
It feels good to have the second week complete. That means that we are almost to the halfway point. My student teachers have become bored with observing and are up and about a lot more, hanging out with the kids. They are attempting to find their role in the classroom and create that all important boundary between kid and teacher.
The whole student teacher thing is extremely challenging for me. I'm not one that likes to have others in my room in the first place so to have 3 of them evaluating every word and action I take requires a lot of self reassurance. I am quick to think that I am being judged but I try to remember that they will one day understand the importance of classroom management as opposed to fun and creative activities. It also helps to know that other experienced teachers have the same issues. I was approached by 2 different teachers yesterday who basically wanted to vent about the passive aggressive nature of their student teachers - whispering to each other in the corner, questioning teachers about why they do what they do, suggesting alternative activities, making comparisons to other teachers. It just fosters a feeling of unease and borders on disrespect. My biggest issue is a self-professed "not a morning person" who walks into the room every day and as I greet her I get nothing in return. Today I think she grunted ever so slightly. Just a big pet peeve of mine. Human beings respond to one another, tired or not. But I have to let it go. It is obviously not about me!
So week 2 was close to a success. No one left the room without permission. The VP was in and complemented me on the tightness of my lesson. One of my more unengaged students asked if he could write during break time. Things are looking up.
Monday, July 06, 2009
A Day For Me
Today was our summer school day off in observance of the 4th of July. I didn't really mind waiting for Monday even though the rest of the world was off on Friday. I personally think they postponed it so we could have our first set of Friday meetings with the student teachers. Whatever... I could easily have spent the day doing little odd jobs around the house - gardening, cleaning, etc but wanted to take full advantage of the time off. It is an issue of mine. I have time off but don't really make the effort to enjoy it. Then when the summer is over I don't have the feeling or memories of relaxation. So today was a day for me. I started off with breakfast with a friend at Bill's Cafe and immediately headed for the beach. I walked West Cliff Drive to Natural Bridges, checked out Wisteria and enjoyed a leisurely cup of coffee at The Ugly Mug. Then I drove up highway 1. I love the views this time of year with the combination of farmland and seascapes. The weather was absolutely amazing. I don't think I've ever seen the water as blue as it was today. It was almost indigo. I was completely filled with gratitude for everything I have at my fingertips living in northern California.
I treated myself to a piece of pie from Duarte's and enjoyed it overlooking Pescadero Beach. Everything I did today jogged memories from the past. Natural Bridges Beach was a great place for our family in our younger days. I vividly remember the trip that Dave and I took to Pescadero Beach for some tide pooling which was a college class assignment. The assignment was really just a picture for evidence that you were there. But I was so thrilled that he asked me to go with him.
I continued on to Moss Beach Distillery and had a little beverage on the deck overlooking the Pacific. What a beautiful place! I enjoyed the view and the ever deepening blues of the sky and water. There was not even a speck of fog in sight, contrary to our area meteorologists' predictions. I was overwhelmed with thankfulness for the simple gifts of life. I am blessed with my surroundings, my family and friends and am so happy with the memories that lie just below the surface waiting to bubble up and remind me of what an amazing life this is.
Sunday, July 05, 2009
She Is Home
Maria is home again from her trip to the British Isles. I am glad that she was able to go and do most of what she wanted but I have to admit that I was extremely worried the entire time she was gone. I can't really explain this because she has traveled to Europe before with very little concern on my end. I'm not sure if it is me aging or the instability of the world we live in but anytime anything out of the ordinary happened my "mom" antennae shot up. Her travel blog was the only thing that kept me calm. I loved reading her story and looking at her photos in almost real time. The most interesting thing for me was when we instant messaged because we just happened to be on line at the same time. It was so incredible that we could be thousands and thousands of miles apart but technology could create a situation where worldwide communication is as simple as a click of the keys. The other interesting thing was the Facebook experience. She could send messages and people responded immediately. She could get advice about simple things like tax and duties as well as find a hospital for medical care when she needed. Once again, technology is an amazing thing.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Week Number One
The first week of summer school is in the books and most of what I feel is relief. Like anything else, the beginning is always the hardest. The first days of summer school are even more challenging because of the kids that come and go. Or rather than come and go, I should say the kids that don't come and others take their place. These students are famous for not following through on commitments so the ones that sign up don't actually show up. So every day kids on the waiting list are called to take their place. That makes it doubly difficult to create a sense of community. I am hopeful that next week we will be able to make some progress in knowing who is supposed to be in the room. Summer school kids are by their nature wacky. It's the only word for them. They say and do things that are totally unexpected. But mostly they just don't engage in classroom activities. That is a challenge for a teacher like me who depends on relationships for the bulk of classroom management. So the first week was a lot of work in just trying to develop an interest in what was going on in room 23. I am also challenged by being in an unfamiliar classroom and school campus. On the second day of school a student showed up a day and an hour late for class. He didn't last long before he decided to bolt. I tried hard to go on autopilot but couldn't because I had to think about the direction he was going and where streets or traffic were in relationship to that. I knew I needed to call the office but had to locate the phone first and then the list of summer school numbers. Then I had to inform the student teacher what just happened because she appeared to have missed the whole thing. Not a pleasant experience. You would thing that incident was the worst of the week but I was actually more frustrated by the lack of student involvement. They act like they have never heard the term reading strategies before in their lives. Hopefully we will all warm up a bit in week number two. But I will just say here and now that I have no desire to do this again next year. I will just need to figure out ways to relax and enjoy myself at home without spending anything to do it.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Santa Clara, The Tree City
Our city prides itself on being a "tree" city. They go out of their way to plant trees in the sidewalk easement all over town. I have recently been involved in this process. It all started when I discovered that finally the top of a grafted walnut tree (which never belongs wedged in a sidewalk) had finally succumbed. I was not in the least bit sad about this because I have no affinity for walnut trees. So I called the city number and was told that a guy would be out to check the tree. Within a few days he stopped by and left a form that indeed the tree was dead and must be removed. He also left a list of possible trees to choose from. After a few days of mulling it over, I made my selection completely based on beauty and height. If it's my tree I want to be able to enjoy its beauty from my living room window. So I once again called the city number and the message taker said she would pass along the information. Luckily the next part of the process occurred during the first week of summer vacation or I would have missed the whole thing. On Monday a guy came to check the space and double check the tree selections. We discussed removing some of the concrete to make more room for the tree. Excellent idea! he made some colored lines on the sidewalk and said I was on the list but there were 10 tree removals ahead of me. On Tuesday the water guy came and made some blue lines where the water pipes are. On Wednesday PG&E came and made some red lines to mark the gas pipe. On Thursday AT&T came and wrote in fluorescent orange on the street "No AT&Y, No CATV." By this point I am beginning to laugh each time a company car slowly drives down my street looking for house numbers. But all those colors are certainly drawing the neighbors' attention to some upcoming activity. Some are happy to hear about some pretty trees taking the place of the messy walnut and others appear to be concerned about where the squirrels will find their next meal. My house.My decision. The following Tuesday I came home to 2 barricades stating that no one could park in that space on Wednesday from 7-4. Sometime during the night or early morning someone must have come along and moved the barricades from the sidewalk to the street. Unfortunately, one if facing the wrong direction but no worries. It just makes me wonder about who does all these little odd jobs and how I might get one.
Around 7:20 the first trucks arrived. Each of the drivers got out, with coffee in hand and assessed the situation. About 20 minutes later a city worker in a pick-up arrived. This resulted in one of the trucks leaving and the other driver unwinding his house, then winding it back up, driving the truck around the block and returns stopping in the middle of the street. By now it is getting close to 8:00. He skirts a bunch of water on the steet and watches the flow and then drives around the block again. He returns to his spot in the middle of the street but this time is facing the other direction. He sets his cones out and waits. Minutes pass. There is some walkie talkie activity and the other truck returns. Finally the gas can and the concrete cutting saw come out and work begins at 8:10. A half hour later the concrete is cut (but still in place) and the trucks are gone.
Around 7:20 the first trucks arrived. Each of the drivers got out, with coffee in hand and assessed the situation. About 20 minutes later a city worker in a pick-up arrived. This resulted in one of the trucks leaving and the other driver unwinding his house, then winding it back up, driving the truck around the block and returns stopping in the middle of the street. By now it is getting close to 8:00. He skirts a bunch of water on the steet and watches the flow and then drives around the block again. He returns to his spot in the middle of the street but this time is facing the other direction. He sets his cones out and waits. Minutes pass. There is some walkie talkie activity and the other truck returns. Finally the gas can and the concrete cutting saw come out and work begins at 8:10. A half hour later the concrete is cut (but still in place) and the trucks are gone.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Embracing Change
In my reorganization of the teaching materials in my garage, the funniest thing floated to the floor. Now that I'm looking at it, I remember it was from a page in Paula's retirement memory book. I don't know who wrote it but I may need to find out. It clearing speaks to my heart and the journey that I am on.
Embracing Change
I find it a bit amusing when people talk about CHANGE... how they delicately and ever so gently whisper its name. Some are intimidated by or insecure about its presence, while others are politely respectful of its immense power.
CHANGE...
With a smile or a tear, it touches our lives day in and day out, the relentless, inevitable warrior of fate. It can arrive at any moment in life, but we must not feel threatened by it or fearful. Instead, when change is upon us, we should open our eyes wider with amazement and enthusiasm; we should extend our arms farther, and embrace the world around us.
CHANGE...
Let it jolt you, push and pull you. Let it challenge you. Know in your heart that change is what gives you the chance to be yourself and the opportunity to make your life everything you want it to be
CHANGE...
With a smile or a tear, it touches our lives day in and day out, the relentless, inevitable warrior of fate. It can arrive at any moment in life, but we must not feel threatened by it or fearful. Instead, when change is upon us, we should open our eyes wider with amazement and enthusiasm; we should extend our arms farther, and embrace the world around us.
CHANGE...
Let it jolt you, push and pull you. Let it challenge you. Know in your heart that change is what gives you the chance to be yourself and the opportunity to make your life everything you want it to be
Books, Books, Books
One of the projects I am involved in for the next week or so is going through my teaching stuff in the garage. When I moved out of third grade I boxed everything in a fairly organized manner and took only what I needed to middle school. I had always known that I would give it a year before I made any decisions about whether or not I would keep my primary teaching materials. I knew almost from the very beginning that middle school was my niche. I am not a collector and absolutely can't stand having things in storage that other people could be using. That meant it was time to sort, classify and distribute the rest of my stuff. This entails hundreds of books, primary math supplies, social studies and science units, art materials and a few grade specific things. It took up the better part of a one car garage. I am lucky enough to have people in my life who will graciously accept my hand me downs. The sorting process was the most challenging. My book piles were the following: primary books for a second year first grade teacher, books for older kids at Sutter, books my friend Paula has convinced me I will need as a someday grandma and books that are a bit out of date for the book recycler. The book sorting took a total of 6 hours spread over 3 days. I love everything about reading so there was more feeling connected to each book that I picked up than I had anticipated. I was flooded by images from my past. There were the books that I had prior to teaching and I remembered both as a child and reading to my own kids. Those are such happy memories. Some books brought images of students' faces or sometimes their book boxes because they loved it so much it was in their possession almost all year. A few put me back in the school/classroom I was in when I bought it or where I was in my teaching career. I was fascinated by the choices I made as a first year teacher compared to more recent purchases. They truly are the tracks of my teaching. Others brought back memories of entire classes transfixed as I read it aloud. I remembered the feelings I had with my first read and how they changed with successive readings. With some I recalled the flea market or garage sale where it was purchased, usually from a retiring teacher. My favorite part was to open the front cover and find a name plate from the student who had purchased it as a gift from a book fair in his/her first grade handwriting. I love children's books. I love searching for them, buying them, reading them, rereading them and even passing them along to be enjoyed by a brand new audience.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
School's Out For Summer!
The beginning of summer vacation is one of the most interesting things in a teacher's life to behold. I absolutely love just being an observer of my brain and body as they both slowly decompress. By the time I woke up on Monday I was thinking of absolutely nothing. And I actually thought that as I woke up - there is nothing on my mind. Not that there wasn't anything on my mind but the kids were gone, grades were gone, and school as a thought process had disappeared. School was just a list of things that needed to be done before August. In their place were plenty of things. My summer projects, (tearing out the front yard and cleaning out the elementary school dump that also doubles as my garage), the state of the world, elections and freedom of speech in Iran, upcoming challenges (summer school and a middle school reading intervention class), my daughter's adventures in the UK, a weekend trip to Portland for my aunt's 80th birthday, my 403b, etc, etc.
I love being home. It seems to be the 50's phase of life for me. I find myself constantly thinking, "I just want to go home." And here I am, home. It is definitely all it is cracked up to be. Home is my refuge, a place of peace and solace. It is whatever I want it to be. A place to read, a place to veg out in front of the TV, a place to hang out on the deck and enjoy the flowers.
I often think that summer vacation must be like a movie trailer for retirement. You wake up and think, "What am I going to do today?" That it is - just today. There is no tomorrow or next week or next month or the end of the quarter or next year. Just today. I love that. I can definitely handle fulfilling expectations for 24 hours. Tomorrow will just have to take care of itself.
I know that as the next 10 days pass, my thoughts will slowly morph into summer school mode but for now I love this feeling of nothingness.
I love being home. It seems to be the 50's phase of life for me. I find myself constantly thinking, "I just want to go home." And here I am, home. It is definitely all it is cracked up to be. Home is my refuge, a place of peace and solace. It is whatever I want it to be. A place to read, a place to veg out in front of the TV, a place to hang out on the deck and enjoy the flowers.
I often think that summer vacation must be like a movie trailer for retirement. You wake up and think, "What am I going to do today?" That it is - just today. There is no tomorrow or next week or next month or the end of the quarter or next year. Just today. I love that. I can definitely handle fulfilling expectations for 24 hours. Tomorrow will just have to take care of itself.
I know that as the next 10 days pass, my thoughts will slowly morph into summer school mode but for now I love this feeling of nothingness.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
A Sixth Grade Student's Reflections
I have had a blast in sixth grade! I met new people, had great teachers, and learned many things! There have been so many new experiences that I never thought I'd get to have. I loved all our field trips and our special Shark assemblies. This essay is about some of my most memorable experiences in the sixth grade.
First, I have made many new friends. Boys and girls i never thought I'd be friends with. Some from different schools and some from the school where I spent K-5th grade. I have grown closer to people I have known since kindergarten. They turned out to be trustworthy and really funny. The new friends I have made are so different, yet we seem to share the same interests. I look forward to getting to know them better in the next two years.
Next are my wonderful teachers. I never thought I could get so lucky to have very nice teachers who don't make me cry. I can't tell you how many times I have cried because of a teacher. So many times. This year I was really happy and I would laugh in every class because of the teachers. If I had a problem that I needed help with, my teachers were never too busy to help. I worked really hard at getting good grades and my teachers made me believe I could do it. Thank you, Mr.________, Mrs. _______, and Ms. _____!
Now for the field trips. My favorite field trip in the sixth grade was when we went to the The Tech Museum. I loved seeing the IMAX movie about the coral reef. That was really fascinating. The field trip was made even more special by the fact that my sister, ______, was home from college on spring break and she got to chaperone. I also loved the trip to the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco. I love that we could take pictures of the art. I got a lot of good pictures. my mom got to take the day off from work and come along.
Finally, the Shark assemblies. I think that it was really kind of all the teachers to take time off from their schedules to give awards to their students for the things they thought we did well. I was really surprised when I got the award for being super efficient. I have put in on the mantle so everyone can see it. I was really proud of myself that day and I thank all the teachers again.
So, all in all, I have had a really great year. I will miss all my of my teachers and all of the great times I have had in sixth grade. I hope I can at least be a TA for one of my sixth grade teachers next year. I will always remember this year and try to visit my old teachers a lot.
First, I have made many new friends. Boys and girls i never thought I'd be friends with. Some from different schools and some from the school where I spent K-5th grade. I have grown closer to people I have known since kindergarten. They turned out to be trustworthy and really funny. The new friends I have made are so different, yet we seem to share the same interests. I look forward to getting to know them better in the next two years.
Next are my wonderful teachers. I never thought I could get so lucky to have very nice teachers who don't make me cry. I can't tell you how many times I have cried because of a teacher. So many times. This year I was really happy and I would laugh in every class because of the teachers. If I had a problem that I needed help with, my teachers were never too busy to help. I worked really hard at getting good grades and my teachers made me believe I could do it. Thank you, Mr.________, Mrs. _______, and Ms. _____!
Now for the field trips. My favorite field trip in the sixth grade was when we went to the The Tech Museum. I loved seeing the IMAX movie about the coral reef. That was really fascinating. The field trip was made even more special by the fact that my sister, ______, was home from college on spring break and she got to chaperone. I also loved the trip to the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco. I love that we could take pictures of the art. I got a lot of good pictures. my mom got to take the day off from work and come along.
Finally, the Shark assemblies. I think that it was really kind of all the teachers to take time off from their schedules to give awards to their students for the things they thought we did well. I was really surprised when I got the award for being super efficient. I have put in on the mantle so everyone can see it. I was really proud of myself that day and I thank all the teachers again.
So, all in all, I have had a really great year. I will miss all my of my teachers and all of the great times I have had in sixth grade. I hope I can at least be a TA for one of my sixth grade teachers next year. I will always remember this year and try to visit my old teachers a lot.
Saturday, June 06, 2009
The Impact of a Life
Sometimes I wish I knew where I was in the "normal" range. For the most part I think I'm a pretty average person in the way I react to life's little road bumps. But I have the feeling that my response to death may be a little off, especially ones that take me by surprise. I can take in stride when people I have loved, died after a long illness or have lived a full life. I miss them terribly but there is always a place I can file it intellectually. It makes sense. Brian Hegarty dieing at age 35 for no apparent cause does not make sense and that thought is stuck in my head. It rewinds over and over again. Young people dieing doesn't make sense. When things don't make sense to me, I can't seem to let them go. Perhaps I'm a little OCD. My thoughts between last Monday and today have gone from physical to metaphysical questions and I am finally in utter confusion.
Brian was an amazing teacher with a great love for life. He was the guy you would love for your daughter to marry. If I had had another one, I definitely would have put them in the same room together just to see what would happen. He was well grounded and smart and charming and spiritual all rolled into one amazing package. He was literally at the prime of his professional life. He loved teaching and always wanted to get better at it and he did. Within two months time he would have taken over the reigns as principal of an elementary school. If anyone could have been successful at going from teacher to principal in the same school, it would have been him. And now, they tell me he is gone. How does that happen? How do you go from being alive and vibrant and everything that he was to dead? All my questions begin with "did he know?" Did he know he was dieing? Did he know his life would be so short? Did he know how deeply he was loved? Did he know what an impact he had had on so many lives? And this is where my thinking takes a detour. What is it that any of us knows about the force we are in the world. As teachers, we are aware of the role we play in the lives of our students, both positive and negative. But I'm talking about the impact we leave by just living human lives in realationship with other humans. Everything we do and say can and does effect the world in ways we can never anticipate. Observing the depth of the community's response to Brian's death leads us all to realize the importance of every moment we live. Our life may end up being much shorter than we anticipate. We might not get a tomorrow to make that phone call or meet for dinner. It is the reminder of the unpredictabily of what is to come. We are on a journy with an unknown destination as well as an unknown timeframe. There is no other way to live it than in this moment. Now we can't exactly go around telling everyone at every moment of our existence what a difference they have made in our lives but I know we can do better. I, for one can start putting the people I love way ahead of anything else. Here is the first of many acts that will be Brian Hegarty's legacy lived out in my life. This week I booked a ticket to go to my aunt's 80th birthday party. My initial response to the invitation was one of those "too bad" moments. But Brian's death makes you reconsider that whole "too bad" reaction. Worry about money or the fact that the next day is the first day of summer school cannot compare to the moments that will be spent with my family and friends. Too bad? How about flipping that on its head and living life with all the events that are too good, too good to miss?
Thank you, Brian for all that you gave to the world in the short time you were with us. You will be desperately missed by everyone you touched. Your love lives on in each of us in new and glorious ways that none of us ever anticipated. I am so lucky to have crossed your path on this wild and wonderful journey of life.
Brian was an amazing teacher with a great love for life. He was the guy you would love for your daughter to marry. If I had had another one, I definitely would have put them in the same room together just to see what would happen. He was well grounded and smart and charming and spiritual all rolled into one amazing package. He was literally at the prime of his professional life. He loved teaching and always wanted to get better at it and he did. Within two months time he would have taken over the reigns as principal of an elementary school. If anyone could have been successful at going from teacher to principal in the same school, it would have been him. And now, they tell me he is gone. How does that happen? How do you go from being alive and vibrant and everything that he was to dead? All my questions begin with "did he know?" Did he know he was dieing? Did he know his life would be so short? Did he know how deeply he was loved? Did he know what an impact he had had on so many lives? And this is where my thinking takes a detour. What is it that any of us knows about the force we are in the world. As teachers, we are aware of the role we play in the lives of our students, both positive and negative. But I'm talking about the impact we leave by just living human lives in realationship with other humans. Everything we do and say can and does effect the world in ways we can never anticipate. Observing the depth of the community's response to Brian's death leads us all to realize the importance of every moment we live. Our life may end up being much shorter than we anticipate. We might not get a tomorrow to make that phone call or meet for dinner. It is the reminder of the unpredictabily of what is to come. We are on a journy with an unknown destination as well as an unknown timeframe. There is no other way to live it than in this moment. Now we can't exactly go around telling everyone at every moment of our existence what a difference they have made in our lives but I know we can do better. I, for one can start putting the people I love way ahead of anything else. Here is the first of many acts that will be Brian Hegarty's legacy lived out in my life. This week I booked a ticket to go to my aunt's 80th birthday party. My initial response to the invitation was one of those "too bad" moments. But Brian's death makes you reconsider that whole "too bad" reaction. Worry about money or the fact that the next day is the first day of summer school cannot compare to the moments that will be spent with my family and friends. Too bad? How about flipping that on its head and living life with all the events that are too good, too good to miss?
Thank you, Brian for all that you gave to the world in the short time you were with us. You will be desperately missed by everyone you touched. Your love lives on in each of us in new and glorious ways that none of us ever anticipated. I am so lucky to have crossed your path on this wild and wonderful journey of life.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Catching Up
It has been a while since I have posted. The last word from me was the pain of Shingles. I don't withdraw from life very often but that one almost took me out. I really don't know how I got through the work day but I would come home as quickly after school as possible and put in my couch time. It became the most important thing I did all day. Suddenly this Monday I woke up feeling significantly better. I have no explanation, only gratitude. Every day gets better and better. Maybe soon I'll try wearing a skirt or pants with a waistband again. But I must say my students have certainly enjoyed seeing me in dresses. I suppose it has been an interesting way to end the year:) Changes in fashion is extremely important to the middle world.
In other news there has been a dramatic shift in the behavior of the "the boy who would not be name." Once again I have no explanation, only gratitude. Things definitely got worse before they got better. I am only thankful that we are all ending on a positive note. My favorite part of the whole thing is how well he is able to verbalize it. "It feels a lot better when I don't get in trouble." I have been stunned by how "cute" he seems to me now that he is smiling and doing what students do. Perception is everything.
Along with ending the year I am also gearing up for summer school. I'll be teaching incoming 6th graders beginning June 29th - a mere two weeks after I say good-bye to my current 6th graders. All my couch time gave me lots of time to think and plan. I am quite pleased with my developing Language Arts unit. It will be interesting to see how my imaginary lessons really turn out. I love the planning part of my job but am often surprised by the way it turns out in real life.
Yesterday I received some extremely sad news. A teacher I taught with many years ago did not show up to work. The police were called and he was found dead in his apartment. I was absolutely stunned into utter silence. He was only 35 years old and an extremely gifted teacher. He had worked his way up the ranks and had just been selected principal for the upcoming school year. I am still in shock and feel such an emptiness. Sometimes life is so fleeting. You look up and the ones we once loved are gone. It is that on-going reminder to live in the moment. Say what you want to say today. Tomorrow you may only be able to say good-bye.
So now I turn my head and heart toward the end of the school year. It is with excitement as well as a touch of sadness. I am excited to see how it all goes in middle school. Do they hug and cry on the last day or shout for joy? There are definitely many kids in this class that I will miss. I have been so lucky to start off with such a good group of students. And like always, I know that I have learned more from them than they did from me.
In other news there has been a dramatic shift in the behavior of the "the boy who would not be name." Once again I have no explanation, only gratitude. Things definitely got worse before they got better. I am only thankful that we are all ending on a positive note. My favorite part of the whole thing is how well he is able to verbalize it. "It feels a lot better when I don't get in trouble." I have been stunned by how "cute" he seems to me now that he is smiling and doing what students do. Perception is everything.
Along with ending the year I am also gearing up for summer school. I'll be teaching incoming 6th graders beginning June 29th - a mere two weeks after I say good-bye to my current 6th graders. All my couch time gave me lots of time to think and plan. I am quite pleased with my developing Language Arts unit. It will be interesting to see how my imaginary lessons really turn out. I love the planning part of my job but am often surprised by the way it turns out in real life.
Yesterday I received some extremely sad news. A teacher I taught with many years ago did not show up to work. The police were called and he was found dead in his apartment. I was absolutely stunned into utter silence. He was only 35 years old and an extremely gifted teacher. He had worked his way up the ranks and had just been selected principal for the upcoming school year. I am still in shock and feel such an emptiness. Sometimes life is so fleeting. You look up and the ones we once loved are gone. It is that on-going reminder to live in the moment. Say what you want to say today. Tomorrow you may only be able to say good-bye.
So now I turn my head and heart toward the end of the school year. It is with excitement as well as a touch of sadness. I am excited to see how it all goes in middle school. Do they hug and cry on the last day or shout for joy? There are definitely many kids in this class that I will miss. I have been so lucky to start off with such a good group of students. And like always, I know that I have learned more from them than they did from me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)