The Impact of a Life

Sometimes I wish I knew where I was in the "normal" range. For the most part I think I'm a pretty average person in the way I react to life's little road bumps. But I have the feeling that my response to death may be a little off, especially ones that take me by surprise. I can take in stride when people I have loved, died after a long illness or have lived a full life. I miss them terribly but there is always a place I can file it intellectually. It makes sense. Brian Hegarty dieing at age 35 for no apparent cause does not make sense and that thought is stuck in my head. It rewinds over and over again. Young people dieing doesn't make sense. When things don't make sense to me, I can't seem to let them go. Perhaps I'm a little OCD. My thoughts between last Monday and today have gone from physical to metaphysical questions and I am finally in utter confusion.

Brian was an amazing teacher with a great love for life. He was the guy you would love for your daughter to marry. If I had had another one, I definitely would have put them in the same room together just to see what would happen. He was well grounded and smart and charming and spiritual all rolled into one amazing package. He was literally at the prime of his professional life. He loved teaching and always wanted to get better at it and he did. Within two months time he would have taken over the reigns as principal of an elementary school. If anyone could have been successful at going from teacher to principal in the same school, it would have been him. And now, they tell me he is gone. How does that happen? How do you go from being alive and vibrant and everything that he was to dead? All my questions begin with "did he know?" Did he know he was dieing? Did he know his life would be so short? Did he know how deeply he was loved? Did he know what an impact he had had on so many lives? And this is where my thinking takes a detour. What is it that any of us knows about the force we are in the world. As teachers, we are aware of the role we play in the lives of our students, both positive and negative. But I'm talking about the impact we leave by just living human lives in realationship with other humans. Everything we do and say can and does effect the world in ways we can never anticipate. Observing the depth of the community's response to Brian's death leads us all to realize the importance of every moment we live. Our life may end up being much shorter than we anticipate. We might not get a tomorrow to make that phone call or meet for dinner. It is the reminder of the unpredictabily of what is to come. We are on a journy with an unknown destination as well as an unknown timeframe. There is no other way to live it than in this moment. Now we can't exactly go around telling everyone at every moment of our existence what a difference they have made in our lives but I know we can do better. I, for one can start putting the people I love way ahead of anything else. Here is the first of many acts that will be Brian Hegarty's legacy lived out in my life. This week I booked a ticket to go to my aunt's 80th birthday party. My initial response to the invitation was one of those "too bad" moments. But Brian's death makes you reconsider that whole "too bad" reaction. Worry about money or the fact that the next day is the first day of summer school cannot compare to the moments that will be spent with my family and friends. Too bad? How about flipping that on its head and living life with all the events that are too good, too good to miss?

Thank you, Brian for all that you gave to the world in the short time you were with us. You will be desperately missed by everyone you touched. Your love lives on in each of us in new and glorious ways that none of us ever anticipated. I am so lucky to have crossed your path on this wild and wonderful journey of life.