I gave a writing prompt today and got a response that truly amused me.
What does it mean to you that Barack Obama is president of the United States?
Having Barack Obama as our new president seems pretty good. He's our first black president and it's awesome that we don't have some old wrinkly man controlling America again. Barack Obama isn't like McCain which is good because McCain just wants to spend money. I'm glad Barack Obama is our new president because McCain is quite old and if he died, Sarah Palin would be president and I'm really not fond of her at all. She seems quite trampy.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Praise Song For the Day
My great love of words made this one of my favorite parts of the inauguration.
Praise song for the day.
Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others' eyes or not, about to speak or speaking. All about us is noise. All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, each one of our ancestors on our tongues. Someone is stitching up a hem, darning a hole in a uniform, patching a tire, repairing the things in need of repair.
Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice.
A woman and her son wait for the bus.
A farmer considers the changing sky; A teacher says, "Take out your pencils. Begin."
We encounter each other in words, words spiny or smooth, whispered or declaimed; words to consider, reconsider.
We cross dirt roads and highways that mark the will of someone and then others who said, "I need to see what's on the other side; I know there's something better down the road."
We need to find a place where we are safe; We walk into that which we cannot yet see.
Say it plain, that many have died for this day. Sing the names of the dead who brought us here, who laid the train tracks, raised the bridges, picked the cotton and the lettuce, built brick by brick the glittering edifices they would then keep clean and work inside of.
Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign; The figuring it out at kitchen tables.
Some live by "Love thy neighbor as thy self."
Others by first do no harm, or take no more than you need.
What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance.
In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun.
On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp -- praise song for walking forward in that light.
Praise song for the day.
Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others' eyes or not, about to speak or speaking. All about us is noise. All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, each one of our ancestors on our tongues. Someone is stitching up a hem, darning a hole in a uniform, patching a tire, repairing the things in need of repair.
Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice.
A woman and her son wait for the bus.
A farmer considers the changing sky; A teacher says, "Take out your pencils. Begin."
We encounter each other in words, words spiny or smooth, whispered or declaimed; words to consider, reconsider.
We cross dirt roads and highways that mark the will of someone and then others who said, "I need to see what's on the other side; I know there's something better down the road."
We need to find a place where we are safe; We walk into that which we cannot yet see.
Say it plain, that many have died for this day. Sing the names of the dead who brought us here, who laid the train tracks, raised the bridges, picked the cotton and the lettuce, built brick by brick the glittering edifices they would then keep clean and work inside of.
Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign; The figuring it out at kitchen tables.
Some live by "Love thy neighbor as thy self."
Others by first do no harm, or take no more than you need.
What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance.
In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun.
On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp -- praise song for walking forward in that light.
Monday, January 19, 2009
The difference is hope
This sounds crazy but during the past few days I have caught myself tearing up while watching the news. That is extremely rare for someone like me. It has happened while watching the Ron Clark kids singing, Obama making speeches on the Whistle Stop Train, and simple shots of crowds of people on the Washington Mall. But this morning it happened while watching, for about the 10th time, footage of Sully's landing on the Hudson River. That was the big ah ha for me. These images are all about hope. It is the dream of what is possible.
The inauguration coverage has been unbelievable. I have never seen anything like this before and I am so thrilled to be alive at this point in time and witness what is about to happen. There is a new found patriotism and fervor for who we are as Americans. There is a belief that with Obama as our president, anything is possible. Suddenly the image in my brain has changed from Kennedy to Lincoln. This man will bring us back together to forget the anger that has separated us, the distrust of banks and auto makers that has divided us and believe once again that we, as a people can be better.
There was not this excitement for me with either of Bush's inaugurations. What is that about? It's more than the race thing, although I am deeply aware of how amazing it is that in less than 60 years time we have moved from Jim Crow to a Black man in the White House. No, it is more than that. It's those little girls' faces. But Bush had girls. We just didn't connect with them. Bush was all about protecting the rich. We never saw the embodiment of hope in his girls' faces. But these girls, Sasha and Malia are truly hope come to life. They are the children of a man who knows that hope is in the eyes of all children. Obama knows that is our future.
Obama has called America to service. It has resonated deeply within me. Bush called us to serve but it was to save the government money. Obama has called us to serve to make us all better people. We are being challenged to touch the lives of people who are in need. We are being challenged get to know who we are as Americans. That is the thing about these news clips that has touched me. The faces of the people are all races, colors and ages. They are not the people of a typical inauguration. It is truly America's inauguration. People are coming from everywhere just to be there as a witness to the event that is destined to be a turning point in history. This moment is where our past, present and future meet and for a instant become one.
As a lover of language, I am absolutely euphoric about a man who knows the importance of words. When Obama speaks, my heart absolutely melts. We have had 8 years of seeing our president on TV and dreading what may come out of his mouth. This new president knows the importance of inclusive language. He has a rhythm and cadence to his speech that is in stark contrast to anyone in public office in our recent past. But it's more than his vocabulary and articulation. There is a grace in his presence that I've never seen before. It is clear that respect for all people is crucial to his very core.
What a difference a day will make and the difference is hope. Tomorrow America will inaugurate her 44th president and this country will never again be the same.
The inauguration coverage has been unbelievable. I have never seen anything like this before and I am so thrilled to be alive at this point in time and witness what is about to happen. There is a new found patriotism and fervor for who we are as Americans. There is a belief that with Obama as our president, anything is possible. Suddenly the image in my brain has changed from Kennedy to Lincoln. This man will bring us back together to forget the anger that has separated us, the distrust of banks and auto makers that has divided us and believe once again that we, as a people can be better.
There was not this excitement for me with either of Bush's inaugurations. What is that about? It's more than the race thing, although I am deeply aware of how amazing it is that in less than 60 years time we have moved from Jim Crow to a Black man in the White House. No, it is more than that. It's those little girls' faces. But Bush had girls. We just didn't connect with them. Bush was all about protecting the rich. We never saw the embodiment of hope in his girls' faces. But these girls, Sasha and Malia are truly hope come to life. They are the children of a man who knows that hope is in the eyes of all children. Obama knows that is our future.
Obama has called America to service. It has resonated deeply within me. Bush called us to serve but it was to save the government money. Obama has called us to serve to make us all better people. We are being challenged to touch the lives of people who are in need. We are being challenged get to know who we are as Americans. That is the thing about these news clips that has touched me. The faces of the people are all races, colors and ages. They are not the people of a typical inauguration. It is truly America's inauguration. People are coming from everywhere just to be there as a witness to the event that is destined to be a turning point in history. This moment is where our past, present and future meet and for a instant become one.
As a lover of language, I am absolutely euphoric about a man who knows the importance of words. When Obama speaks, my heart absolutely melts. We have had 8 years of seeing our president on TV and dreading what may come out of his mouth. This new president knows the importance of inclusive language. He has a rhythm and cadence to his speech that is in stark contrast to anyone in public office in our recent past. But it's more than his vocabulary and articulation. There is a grace in his presence that I've never seen before. It is clear that respect for all people is crucial to his very core.
What a difference a day will make and the difference is hope. Tomorrow America will inaugurate her 44th president and this country will never again be the same.
Friday, January 16, 2009
I love middle school
I feel like "I love middle school" has once again become my mantra. Today was my first middle school field trip. I was a bit of a wreck for no particular reason besides everything that goes into the orchestration of any other field trip - the planning, scheduling, funding, permission slips, parent drivers/chaperones, transportation, and lunches. I woke up at 4:00 with all kinds of scenarios going through my mind. I tried to take it easy and hang out around the house but finally decided there was no reason to be home when I could be accomplishing something at school. I finished up all the little details and before you knew it we were off. The jump to middle school simply brings a more independent human being. There is a sense of trust that comes with these kids - the assumption that they won't wonder off during lunch or any sort of down time the way an elementary kid might. So before you knew it, I actually felt my body letting go of all the horrible things that could possibly happen. We had a lovely day. We demonstrated our knowledge of ancient Egypt, learned a few new tidbits and made it back to school safe and sound. At the end of the day the only drawback was that I had spent my entire day with the same group of 32 kids. That explained that funny little feeling of boredom that had reared its ugly hear around 2:00. I was reminded of how much I love the movement of middle school. No matter what is happening, you always know that in 50 minutes it will be over and a new group of kids will be waiting at the door. I just love that. So my first field trip is in the books as is my first semester. It is hard to believe the year is already half over. A year ago today I was observing at middle school and fell in love. I knew that what I saw that day was exactly what I wanted to do with the rest of my career. And here I am, doing it. Yes, I love middle school.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Happy Birthday
The day is almost over and through it all, I have been so grateful for P's presence in my life. Today is her birthday but it is I that have received all the gifts. She has been such a blessing in my life. Without her peeling back the layers of my protective wall I'm sure I would never have shared who I really am at Sutter. And that all led to who I am today. We both have the distinct feeling that we were destined to meet. All the twists and turns after the divorce somehow led me to Sutter and I am certain that it was because I had to meet her in order to get my life on track. I am thankful for everything that brought me to today and I am so happy to have the continued blessing and guidance of her friendship. Happy birthday, P. And thank you.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Time has no meaning
Today I had to flip my language arts classes and my social studies classes in order to fit into the computer lab schedule. It was amazing to watch the reaction of the kids. They just could not understand it. My 2nd period class thought they were having 2 periods of language arts followed by 2 periods of social studies. What they thought the other class was going to be doing all day is a mystery. 3rd period always begins with 20 minutes of SSR. So when that class came into language arts, which is normally social studies they could not figure out why we were having SSR. There seemed to be no understanding that 3rd period is actually 20 minutes longer for SSR every single day. It had nothing to do with social studies. It was all quite amazing. I am astounded at how little observation of the world happens in the mind of a 6th grader. I tend to gloss over a lot, thinking they know what's going on. I really do need to tell them about the details of life.
Friday, January 09, 2009
Middle is the right word
Middle school. That's exactly what it is. These kids are in the middle of moving from their parents' loving guidance and protection to making decisions about who they are and who they want to be. This was especially apparent to me today in a very glaring dichotomy. My day started with one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life. It was 2nd period, the first teaching period for me. Something caught my eye and as I followed the flash I realized that one of my most dramatic students was wearing a bright pink bracelet. But as I looked closer, I realized that, yes indeed it was a florescent pink slinky. She had hooked the end over her thumb and there she was with a shocking pink bracelet that went from her wrist to her elbow. I could hardly stand it. The day rolled along but the pink slinky bracelet reminded me of how much I love these kids. After lunch we were missing one of our students and no one seemed to know where she was. She had clearly been at lunch hanging out with her regular group of friends. As time went by, she eventually showed up with a note from the AP; not necessarily a good sign. After school the little group came in, eager to chat. It tuned out that this girl was involved in fingering a kid who had been rumored to be selling drugs. Somehow she managed to trap him in his answers and she took the information right to the office. These two events really brought the term middle school home to me. These kids are definitely in the middle. They are so desperate to fit in but yet stand out from the crowd they will look around their room and light on something as ordinary as a slinky to make it happen. The other extreme are the kids looking for the boundary between being bad and bringing out the police.
Now this all caused me to think back to my own 6th grade experience. At the time there was no middle school in my neighborhood. My school went k-12 but I do remember 6th grade being a transition year preparing us for Jr/High school. My teacher was Mrs. Miller. I have no doubt that she has passed on as she was on the older side when I had her. She was one of those loving, nurturing teachers that you rarely find in the upper grades. She had one of those dye jobs that turned her hair blue but we loved her dearly. That was back in the day when girls didn't wear pants unless it was freezing and it was improper for them to whistle. I clearly remember her reciting the proverb: A whistling girl and a crowing hen Both will come to a bad end. I had never heard it before but it obviously stuck with me. Although that was the year my brother died the only other thing I remember about 6th grade is the constant question of when my period would start. So the thought of wearing a slinky to school or confronting some kid who may be selling drugs were the furthest thing from my mind. I didn't even know about drugs and our slinkies were all made of metal. Both of these actions take such an incredible amount of courage. It is a reminder to me of what my students are bringing into the classroom along with their binders and brains.
Now this all caused me to think back to my own 6th grade experience. At the time there was no middle school in my neighborhood. My school went k-12 but I do remember 6th grade being a transition year preparing us for Jr/High school. My teacher was Mrs. Miller. I have no doubt that she has passed on as she was on the older side when I had her. She was one of those loving, nurturing teachers that you rarely find in the upper grades. She had one of those dye jobs that turned her hair blue but we loved her dearly. That was back in the day when girls didn't wear pants unless it was freezing and it was improper for them to whistle. I clearly remember her reciting the proverb: A whistling girl and a crowing hen Both will come to a bad end. I had never heard it before but it obviously stuck with me. Although that was the year my brother died the only other thing I remember about 6th grade is the constant question of when my period would start. So the thought of wearing a slinky to school or confronting some kid who may be selling drugs were the furthest thing from my mind. I didn't even know about drugs and our slinkies were all made of metal. Both of these actions take such an incredible amount of courage. It is a reminder to me of what my students are bringing into the classroom along with their binders and brains.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
There's just something about cake.
Do you know how much a young child loves taking cupcakes to school for her birthday? Well, the teachers at my school enjoy cake just as much as little kids for our birthday celebration. It hasn't taken long, but I have quickly garnered a reputation around school as a baker. So when our team science teacher's birthday rolled around, I volunteered to bring the cake. You just can't beat the Perfect Chocolate Cake recipe on the back of the Hershey's cocoa can. If that thing was a drug, I would be an addict. So today we ate our very healthy lunches and after a few minutes of obligatory admiration, J cut the cake and passed it around the table. On the first bite you could hear the communal sigh (or maybe it was a moan) as that first taste of chocolate frosting hit our tongues. There is just nothing like it. It is sweet and soft and soothing. One swallow follows another. You take the last bite and once again you sigh and say, "That was good cake." Our science teacher thought I was just the nicest thing ever to have made him a cake. No. There is just something about cake. And the ability to eat it at school seems somehow just a little bit sinful.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Bell to Bell
Heard in my classroom today: "Oh I won't start that now. We only have three minutes left." My response: "That's right. You have three minutes. Let's get to it."
The whole time thing has become a huge issue since I moved to middle school. If I were in charge, there would be no clock in my classroom. It is unbelievable how much time is wasted by kids watching the clock. When it gets even somewhat close to a period change, they will start packing their things up. And then when it comes to evaluate a project they will almost always say they wish there had been more time to complete it. My mantra sometimes daily and at least weekly is, we work bell to bell. We come in ready to work and we work until the bell rings.
A minute holds so much potential. Since the advent of the microwave, we have come to realize what a minute can provide. It can heat my lunch or leftover dinner. A minute can be spent making the world a better place by spreading love and hope. It can be a prayer, a compliment, or just the time it takes to appreciate the sun and the rain.
The whole time thing has become a huge issue since I moved to middle school. If I were in charge, there would be no clock in my classroom. It is unbelievable how much time is wasted by kids watching the clock. When it gets even somewhat close to a period change, they will start packing their things up. And then when it comes to evaluate a project they will almost always say they wish there had been more time to complete it. My mantra sometimes daily and at least weekly is, we work bell to bell. We come in ready to work and we work until the bell rings.
A minute holds so much potential. Since the advent of the microwave, we have come to realize what a minute can provide. It can heat my lunch or leftover dinner. A minute can be spent making the world a better place by spreading love and hope. It can be a prayer, a compliment, or just the time it takes to appreciate the sun and the rain.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
The Single Life
Now that house guest season 2008 is officially over I can once again appreciate living alone. Living single in a couples' world is not an easy thing for me. Each year that goes by challenges me to push myself beyond my comfort zone in this department. Eating in restaurants, going to movies, vacationing and even going to parties are all things that are both more memorable and enjoyable when done with a partner. I am currently not interested in finding one of those so the alternative is hanging out with me, myself, and I. The challenge is compounded because I really don't have any single friends nearby that I would feel comfortable calling on a whim and saying "Let's go do something." So the thought often crosses my mind to go out and have some fun when before I know it I have talked myself out of it because it could be uncomfortable. There is always plenty to do around the little green house so it's not something that bothers me for more than a moment. But now that I have been left alone again I can truly appreciate the gifts it brings.
I appreciate the silence. It is much easier to add noise when you need it than it is to take it away.
There is no one who comments on when, what or how much I choose to eat or drink in a given day.
My schedule is self created and can be changed whenever it needs to be. I don't need to fit into anyone else's so there is no negotiation or give and take required.
I don't need to try and figure out any unspoken messages regarding what someone else might want to do or where they want to go or what they want to eat.
While I enjoy walking with friends and chatting about the latest happenings in the world, there is something prayerful about walking alone in the earth's silence with only my footsteps to set the tempo. There is no one in charge of where we walk or how fast we make the trip. It is the closest I can get to meditation in the real world. I breathe. I step. I listen. I pray.
I like myself and like spending time with me. My memories, thoughts and dreams for the future are all the entertainment I need most days.
I have truly come to enjoy the peacefulness that living alone brings. I didn't really realize how comfortable I had become with it until recently. Yes, I would love someone to share the happenings of my day with, someone to eat with and vacation with. But for now, this feels pretty good. And at this moment, it is like heaven.
I appreciate the silence. It is much easier to add noise when you need it than it is to take it away.
There is no one who comments on when, what or how much I choose to eat or drink in a given day.
My schedule is self created and can be changed whenever it needs to be. I don't need to fit into anyone else's so there is no negotiation or give and take required.
I don't need to try and figure out any unspoken messages regarding what someone else might want to do or where they want to go or what they want to eat.
While I enjoy walking with friends and chatting about the latest happenings in the world, there is something prayerful about walking alone in the earth's silence with only my footsteps to set the tempo. There is no one in charge of where we walk or how fast we make the trip. It is the closest I can get to meditation in the real world. I breathe. I step. I listen. I pray.
I like myself and like spending time with me. My memories, thoughts and dreams for the future are all the entertainment I need most days.
I have truly come to enjoy the peacefulness that living alone brings. I didn't really realize how comfortable I had become with it until recently. Yes, I would love someone to share the happenings of my day with, someone to eat with and vacation with. But for now, this feels pretty good. And at this moment, it is like heaven.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Renewed
My contract with planet earth has been renewed for another year. Barring any unforeseen illnesses or accidents I have been given the pleasure of continuing my journey of living and learning for another year. Happy New Year. There were many wonderful things that happened in 2008 - M and B's new house, my grandfather's 100th birthday celebration, a new job - but it is time to say good-bye to 2008 and welcome all the new experiences that await me today and all the tomorrows that are to come. I am not the person I was a year ago, a month ago or even yesterday. New experiences I have, people I talk to, food that I eat, thoughts that drift through my mind all contribute to the me I am becoming. There is no end product, only stops along the way that give me the chance to reflect on who I am at the moment and the turns that need to be made for the next phase of the journey. I love the idea that D has about how we change not only mentally, emotionally and spiritually, but even physically. We are in a constant process of shedding all sorts of cells into the world. When I touch my skin today, they are not the same cells I touched yesterday. My skin, my hair, everything about me is constantly being renewed. I will never again be the me I am in this instant.
As a teacher I am given two opportunities to stop and reflect on my life. One in the fall as I begin a new year professionally and another on New Year's to look at who I am in relationship to people and things that I care about. I continue to play the game of new year's resolutions but this year I am changing the noun to intentions. I have every intention of becoming a better person. With every sunrise I can renew that intention without regrets about what was or was not achieved the day before. In the teaching world we are asked to set annual goals and the manner in which they will be accomplished. With that in mind, here are my intentions for 2009.
I intend to eat more vegetables by eliminating meat from my diet 3 days a week.
I intend to leave a smaller carbon footprint on my beloved planet by simply living locally - eating locally grown foods and walking or biking instead of driving.
I intend to be a better friend, sister, daughter, mother by calling loved ones as they cross my mind instead of giving myself a litany of reasons not to - they're busy, I'm busy, they don't have time, I don't have time...
I intend to be kinder and more forgiving of my professional accomplishments by giving myself a virtual pat on the back at the end of every week for a mission accomplished.
I intent to be more present to the moment and allow my internal clock to tick without acknowledging the passing of time by feeling the discomfort of a changed plan and living through it. At the end I will have the pleasure of life that happened in place of my plan.
I intent to remember throughout everything that may or may not happen in the next 364 1/4 days that the universe is in charge and that I am along for the ride.
As a teacher I am given two opportunities to stop and reflect on my life. One in the fall as I begin a new year professionally and another on New Year's to look at who I am in relationship to people and things that I care about. I continue to play the game of new year's resolutions but this year I am changing the noun to intentions. I have every intention of becoming a better person. With every sunrise I can renew that intention without regrets about what was or was not achieved the day before. In the teaching world we are asked to set annual goals and the manner in which they will be accomplished. With that in mind, here are my intentions for 2009.
I intend to eat more vegetables by eliminating meat from my diet 3 days a week.
I intend to leave a smaller carbon footprint on my beloved planet by simply living locally - eating locally grown foods and walking or biking instead of driving.
I intend to be a better friend, sister, daughter, mother by calling loved ones as they cross my mind instead of giving myself a litany of reasons not to - they're busy, I'm busy, they don't have time, I don't have time...
I intend to be kinder and more forgiving of my professional accomplishments by giving myself a virtual pat on the back at the end of every week for a mission accomplished.
I intent to be more present to the moment and allow my internal clock to tick without acknowledging the passing of time by feeling the discomfort of a changed plan and living through it. At the end I will have the pleasure of life that happened in place of my plan.
I intent to remember throughout everything that may or may not happen in the next 364 1/4 days that the universe is in charge and that I am along for the ride.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Christmas Joy
Joy is the only word I can use to describe our family Christmas this year Yes, it had its ups and downs like all holidays do but when I look back, that is the word that comes to mind. The image that comes to mind is M. In my weird little head, she saved Christmas for me this year. I know I would have eventually gotten my act together and come up with a plan but it felt so good to let her take over. It allowed me to be the mother I have always wanted; the one that passes on the tradition to the next generation. On one hand I know that I am way too young to be passing things on but it was such a pleasure to be the guest/observer and admire the literal fruits of my labor.
I worked hard this year to be more authentic in my gift giving and I ended up feeling pretty good about it all. I was able to stop competing with my ex-husband in that department as I know that I can never give in the amount that he can. I have other gifts to give besides the ability to save money and pass it along. So the reduction in the amount given somehow made me feel better about things. Sometimes less really is more.
My favorite gift this year ended up being from my sister. They are just a pair of earrings but lately I have been looking for a pair of dangly earrings. Everything i had found had just looked too heavy. These are not only just the right length and weight but they also have just a touch of purple to them. How great is that? I think that means that she has been paying attention to the me that I am, not the one that she remembers.
Seeing "It's a Wonderful Life" on Christmas Eve was once again a fabulous experience. Last year I had somehow missed it on its various TV airings so it was my annual rite embellished. But this year I had watched it one Saturday night before Christmas so I wasn't sure how I would feel about another viewing. But there is just something about that movie. I wonder how many times I have actually seen it in my life. I continue to get something new out of it almost every time I see it. Part of my pleasure in seeing it with M is that R and the kids would kind of tease me about it years ago. "There's Mom watching "It's a Wonderful Life" again. So it is nice to see that another generation can find such meaning in something that I love.
The final piece to Christmas is always the B family celebration. I'm not sure how many years I have been going to their Christmas dinner but it has definitely become a part of my annual tradition. This year it felt easy. I guess people are finally remembering who I am and that I will be there with B and M. I like the bigness of it in contrast to our little family of 6. It is just so wild and raucous with so many different personalities in the mix. The multi generations help remind us all of where we are in time. People have gone on, some are close to leaving us, and the young ones are the reminder that we live on whether we are physically present or not.
So, the word for this Christmas is joy. I am thankful to my friends and family for leading me to the point where I could truly appreciate the season. I am especially indebted to M. Merry Christmas.
I worked hard this year to be more authentic in my gift giving and I ended up feeling pretty good about it all. I was able to stop competing with my ex-husband in that department as I know that I can never give in the amount that he can. I have other gifts to give besides the ability to save money and pass it along. So the reduction in the amount given somehow made me feel better about things. Sometimes less really is more.
My favorite gift this year ended up being from my sister. They are just a pair of earrings but lately I have been looking for a pair of dangly earrings. Everything i had found had just looked too heavy. These are not only just the right length and weight but they also have just a touch of purple to them. How great is that? I think that means that she has been paying attention to the me that I am, not the one that she remembers.
Seeing "It's a Wonderful Life" on Christmas Eve was once again a fabulous experience. Last year I had somehow missed it on its various TV airings so it was my annual rite embellished. But this year I had watched it one Saturday night before Christmas so I wasn't sure how I would feel about another viewing. But there is just something about that movie. I wonder how many times I have actually seen it in my life. I continue to get something new out of it almost every time I see it. Part of my pleasure in seeing it with M is that R and the kids would kind of tease me about it years ago. "There's Mom watching "It's a Wonderful Life" again. So it is nice to see that another generation can find such meaning in something that I love.
The final piece to Christmas is always the B family celebration. I'm not sure how many years I have been going to their Christmas dinner but it has definitely become a part of my annual tradition. This year it felt easy. I guess people are finally remembering who I am and that I will be there with B and M. I like the bigness of it in contrast to our little family of 6. It is just so wild and raucous with so many different personalities in the mix. The multi generations help remind us all of where we are in time. People have gone on, some are close to leaving us, and the young ones are the reminder that we live on whether we are physically present or not.
So, the word for this Christmas is joy. I am thankful to my friends and family for leading me to the point where I could truly appreciate the season. I am especially indebted to M. Merry Christmas.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Vacation
The first day of a break from school never fails to surprise me. I wake up and immediately think of getting to work. I tell myself there is no school today but at various times during the day I feel like I am skipping school. It takes my brain so long to let go of the regular routine. And then it is like my spirit breathes a huge sigh of relief and I can finally change gears. The days that follow are the reason I believe that I can someday retire and not wonder what to do with myself. I continue to wake up at 6 but force myself to lie in bed until 7. During that time I ponder all the mysteries that surround my life. As 7:00 nears, I begin to create a tentative agenda for my day - what I will eat, what I will do or not do that day. It is one of the most empowering things a person can do. Many of those things may or may not happen but it feels good to be the one making decisions in a bell-less existence. It is at this point when I am able to put my school life in perspective. I am able to step back and look from the outside to really see what is important and what isn't. It gives me the opportunity to pat myself on the back instead of pushing myself from behind. It's OK if an A student is asking for extra credit because he has a B. I can just say no and let it be. I can admire the work I have done thus far in the year. I can reset goals with the gift of hindsight. My first, and possibly only year of teaching social studies doesn't have meet the teacher of the year model. Just let it be what it is - my first year of teaching social studies.
Asking for Help
A new page to my story was written last night. This is the page that begins a lesson on helplessness vs asking for help. This has been a challenge for me my entire life. It all started in a white anglo saxon community that lives out the theory of self made men who pull themselves up by their boot straps (which are something I still have yet to see). I grew up in a household where everyone pulled their own weight. There was no whining or crying. You just did it. Then I married a man who defined himself by what he could do to take care of other people. Not a good match I guess. During the bad years I would constantly balance my decision to stay or go based on whether I was willing to do whatever it was on my own. Was I willing to spend Saturday nights alone? Was I willing to travel alone? Could I make it financially alone? I never thought about who I might ask for help. I was either going to be married or alone. Asking for help was in my mind a sign that I wasn't able to do it on my own. Enter D and P into my life. There has never been a better couple to teach me the lessons of life. They continually show me how to negotiate a partnership where both parties win. They have taught me the importance of opening up my life and letting someone else in, really in. So at the end of a very long day I found myself a few miles away from my car. I could easily have walked the distance and would have if I had been alone and it hadn't been dark. But I gave them a call and boldly asked for help. This I did despite the fact that they were in the middle of a family Christmas celebration. The lesson went from just having the ability to ask for help to realizing what wonderful things can happen when you do. Not only did they take me to my car but they invited us to come have dinner and join in the family celebration. And once again, for some reason I was able to say yes. These are the moments when I know the universe is in charge because the me that I am would never accept that invitation. That would be an imposition, an interference. It ended up being a wonderful end to my day and such a blessing to witness family love at its finest. The lesson learned is not just about the importance of asking for help and that people really do want to be a part of my life. It is also that invitations are just that. It is not for me to judge or evaluate them. I am being invited to join with other people; to be in relationship with others. I become better, fuller, more complete by sharing my life with others.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Why the courts like teachers on juries
The question has finally been answered. For decades I have been baffled by the number of teachers that are put on juries. There have been times where it seemed like the judicial system was going through teaching staffs school by school. I've always thought that it was because society sees us as being objective or perhaps we are nurturers and will always see the good in people. I talked to a teacher who was put on a jury of a child abuse case. This seemed very strange to me. We are obligated reporters to Child Protective Services so one would think that we would tend to favor the child in such cases. But evidently, the determining question for this particular jury was, "Do you think a child can lie?" This is somewhat humorous to teachers because we all know that kids can lie and what they look like when they do. But in the context of a step father sexually abusing 2 daughters over a span of 11 year. No. There is nothing funny there. So the reasons the courts love teachers on juries is that they know people lie. Interesting!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Cute!
Here is my laugh of the day. I introduced the writing genre of editorials today. The first one was about the importance of the need for Obama to quit smoking, followed by a piece on East Side Union High School District's potential elimination of athletics. I definitely had their attention. Now they were ready for what real people have to say. I started off with the letter I wrote to the governor regarding proposition 98, then M's letter on vegetarianism, and ended with the letter I wrote to the superintendent last year. I absolutely couldn't look at them while I was reading these letters because I could hear their response in their breathing. They were very complimentary of my writing and I was eventually able to direct their thinking to "what the writer did." But the funniest thing was when a couple boys looked at each other and said simultaneously. Man! Don't make Ms. Allen mad, she'll write a letter. Ah yes. The power of the spoken word.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Christmas Songs/Movies
During P and J’s Thanksgiving visit we got into a little discussion about favorite Christmas songs. It was beyond me to name a song that was truly my favorite. This question has haunted me the past couple weeks. Now that I am hearing Christmas songs anywhere and everywhere, it has occurred to me how my “favorite” has changed throughout my life. Each one seems to symbolize who I was at the time – child, daughter, sister, student, mother. These are my recollections.
Up on the Housetop – definitely my first favorite. I loved that song, knew all the motions and could recite every verse.
Rudolf – this must be Kindergarten/1st grade era. I just loved the idea of this poor little animal proving to all the others that it is OK to be different
It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas – just a fun one for a kid to sing
Silver Bells - I have a distinct memory of helping my mom preparing Christmas cards and this song echoing in my ears and heart. I was probably around 10 years old.
White Christmas – My classic movie stage in my adolescence. That was still when I thought snow was beautiful and that Christmas Eve was not complete without the beauty of silently falling snowflakes blanketing the earth.
Some Children See Him – I can’t quite decide if this was one of my favorites or if we just heard it so much because it was P's favorite and M would play it on the piano during the Christmas Eve sing-along. But it makes the list because it was the only memory I have that symbolizes any sort of global view of my Iowa upbringing.
Rocking Around the Christmas Tree – this is the high school era song – such a nice match to the Beatles and Elvis that we listened to when we were could
Jingle Bell Rock – My college days- this is a D memory. To this day it is still his favorite Christmas song. Its one of those we could shout together to irritate mom just as well as sing together for our own enjoyment.
Handel’s Messiah – this one kept me connected to family memories when I had married and was 3,000 miles away. It was always the first one I played the day after Thanksgiving and had to be played back in the day when I baked Christmas cookies
Oh Holy Night – this one is connected to Maria’s birth. She was born early on a Monday morning in the first week of advent. From that night I understood the true meaning of a holy night. She was it!
Chipmunks –Actually I detested this song but I couldn’t help but laugh when it was played because Dave loved it and had the innate ability to sing like a squeaky chipmunk.
Do They Know It’s Christmas – This one was a favorite for years and years. It symbolized everything I believed about the world
A Very Special Christmas series. – I just loved the old classics with a new twist.
And that brings us up to today. I am still at a loss to name that one song that can symbolize where I am in my life. I will keep listening and thinking.
The topic of music lead quickly into Christmas Movies.
Babes in Toyland was hands down my childhood followed although those trees gave me horrible nightmares.
This was followed by Miracle on 34th Street..
Then I hit my movie classis era of White Christmas, Holiday Inn, and The Bishop’s Wife.
During my high school and college years it was A Christmas Carol – the darker the version the better
Of course the animated ones have to be on my list. I have great memories of watching them with the kids back in the day when they were only televised once a year – Charlie Brown, Rudolf, Frosty the Snowman and The Grinch
It’s a Wonderful Life – I didn’t really discover this movie until I had kids and then insisted that we watch it every year. They both teased me about it mercilessly until one day in their late teens they came to appreciate the message. One of my greatest memories will always be from last Christmas Eve watching it in the big theater in downtown San Jose.
Then my sister-in-law introduced me to A Christmas Movie. I think you have to have been raised in a certain era in a specific part of the country to appreciate the humor in this one but the tongue on the frozen pole still makes me want to cry out in pain.
After that it was the making of Polar Express. Although I usually hate kids’ book made into movies, I thought it was well done.
This was followed by The Grinch movie, which I thought was also well done.
So I guess if I were to choose one it would still be It’s a Wonderful Life. I just love that whole idea of imagining how the world would be different without out an individual person in it. We all are important and have an impact on everyone and everything.
Up on the Housetop – definitely my first favorite. I loved that song, knew all the motions and could recite every verse.
Rudolf – this must be Kindergarten/1st grade era. I just loved the idea of this poor little animal proving to all the others that it is OK to be different
It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas – just a fun one for a kid to sing
Silver Bells - I have a distinct memory of helping my mom preparing Christmas cards and this song echoing in my ears and heart. I was probably around 10 years old.
White Christmas – My classic movie stage in my adolescence. That was still when I thought snow was beautiful and that Christmas Eve was not complete without the beauty of silently falling snowflakes blanketing the earth.
Some Children See Him – I can’t quite decide if this was one of my favorites or if we just heard it so much because it was P's favorite and M would play it on the piano during the Christmas Eve sing-along. But it makes the list because it was the only memory I have that symbolizes any sort of global view of my Iowa upbringing.
Rocking Around the Christmas Tree – this is the high school era song – such a nice match to the Beatles and Elvis that we listened to when we were could
Jingle Bell Rock – My college days- this is a D memory. To this day it is still his favorite Christmas song. Its one of those we could shout together to irritate mom just as well as sing together for our own enjoyment.
Handel’s Messiah – this one kept me connected to family memories when I had married and was 3,000 miles away. It was always the first one I played the day after Thanksgiving and had to be played back in the day when I baked Christmas cookies
Oh Holy Night – this one is connected to Maria’s birth. She was born early on a Monday morning in the first week of advent. From that night I understood the true meaning of a holy night. She was it!
Chipmunks –Actually I detested this song but I couldn’t help but laugh when it was played because Dave loved it and had the innate ability to sing like a squeaky chipmunk.
Do They Know It’s Christmas – This one was a favorite for years and years. It symbolized everything I believed about the world
A Very Special Christmas series. – I just loved the old classics with a new twist.
And that brings us up to today. I am still at a loss to name that one song that can symbolize where I am in my life. I will keep listening and thinking.
The topic of music lead quickly into Christmas Movies.
Babes in Toyland was hands down my childhood followed although those trees gave me horrible nightmares.
This was followed by Miracle on 34th Street..
Then I hit my movie classis era of White Christmas, Holiday Inn, and The Bishop’s Wife.
During my high school and college years it was A Christmas Carol – the darker the version the better
Of course the animated ones have to be on my list. I have great memories of watching them with the kids back in the day when they were only televised once a year – Charlie Brown, Rudolf, Frosty the Snowman and The Grinch
It’s a Wonderful Life – I didn’t really discover this movie until I had kids and then insisted that we watch it every year. They both teased me about it mercilessly until one day in their late teens they came to appreciate the message. One of my greatest memories will always be from last Christmas Eve watching it in the big theater in downtown San Jose.
Then my sister-in-law introduced me to A Christmas Movie. I think you have to have been raised in a certain era in a specific part of the country to appreciate the humor in this one but the tongue on the frozen pole still makes me want to cry out in pain.
After that it was the making of Polar Express. Although I usually hate kids’ book made into movies, I thought it was well done.
This was followed by The Grinch movie, which I thought was also well done.
So I guess if I were to choose one it would still be It’s a Wonderful Life. I just love that whole idea of imagining how the world would be different without out an individual person in it. We all are important and have an impact on everyone and everything.
Friday, December 12, 2008
The Lights of Christmas
I have finally found my Christmas spirit. I am happy with the gifts I have purchased and how they have gotten to their recipients without the exhausting work of wrapping and shipping. Last night as I was driving to P's I became extremely aware of the outdoor Christmas lights and the impact they had on my spirit. It was visual but felt like a shot of heat that was warming my heart. It became abundantly clear that I NEED Christmas lights in my life. There is just nothing like coming home in the dark of winter and flipping the switch that lights up my heart. I promised myself that I would remedy the situation and vowed to buy and decorate a tree the next day. The tree is up, lit and decorated. What a difference!
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