Staying In

Covid-19 continues to maintain its strangle hold on American life as it was once known.  We are currently on the brink of some states beginning to move toward a re-opening.  But as for me I feel safer here at home.  I'm putting my money and my health on science and data.  I will wait for the resurgence that I know will come.  I will continue to Shelter in Place for two weeks at a time and then watch and decide.

Most of my days are good but time no longer has any meaning.  When it seems like hours must have gone by, it is only 45 minutes.  Nothing feels normal.  It is a struggle for me to read and that was once part of my daily routine.  Every morning when I arise, I see the shower that needs to be cleaned but I can't seem to sense the importance of it once I have left the bathroom.  So I will see it again tomorrow.  Perhaps there is solace in that. 

I miss so much.  I miss seeing people on my regular schedule.  I miss impulsivity.  I have the thought that I should go grab a cup of coffee and remember.  I think about going to the nursery for a plant or mulch and then remember.  I miss my old life.  I had been here long enough to put things in place and now it all feels lost and forgotten. 

But I am grateful for so much.  I am grateful for technology; for FaceTime, for Zoom that keep our love ones alive for us.  I am grateful that I finished updating my kitchen before Coronavirus.  I would not have wanted to look at that burnt orange wall every day.  I am grateful for the view out of the back of my house where I can watch the birds and squirrels and bunnies.  I am grateful for flowers that are blooming and remind me that the universe is still in order.  I am grateful for everyone that reaches out to me and says, "I was wondering how you are."  That feels like the greatest I love you there can be.  I am grateful that my friends and family are well and pray that they will stay that way.

And so we continue to stay in and wait.  We continue to remind each other to stay home and stay safe.  We wonder what this new life will be as it begins to unfurl and reveal itself while we watch from a place by the window inside.