Days Remembered

October 28th is Ralph's birthday.  Whether he is on this earth or not, this day will always be his.  Birthdays were always one of those things that he didn't care that much about.  Through the years we learned to find a balance between the Allen celebration and the Giannini lack thereof.  It took me a long time to figure it out.  But he grew up working in his mom's restaurant so there were no real holidays or birthdays.  Life revolved around the family work schedule.  And then the same thing happened when he was running the liquor store.  In contrast, the Allens had all kinds of rites and rituals that revolved around your birthday.  In a family of 6, it was the only day of the year that was yours and everyone else had to acknowledge it.  So, for Ralph a birthday dinner was the celebration.  He got to pick the restaurant and more times than I care to remember he would try to pawn that decision off on me or the kids.  As the years went by, he came to enjoy those dinners and they took on more meaning.  He was a pretty simple guy and all he ever really wanted was to have his family around him for his birthday.  So now on this his first "heavenly" birthday, I hope that he is able to feel the love that is still so deeply felt from his family.  These anniversary days are especially hard in the grieving process.  It is the concrete reminder of the finality of death, that he is gone and it's forever.  Nothing in life is ever over or done except for death.  Grieving for me is mostly coming to terms with that.  It is the reminder that all we have is today, this moment.  So make it count.  Say I love you.  Spend time with those you care about.  Live life fully.  But when those you love have passed, remember.  Hold fast to the memories.  Go through old photographs, tell the old stories; it's up to you to make sure that they live on in the hearts of their children and grandchildren.