Decision Done

During the past few months I have been pondering, wallowing, musing about my experience here in the northwest.  It is beautiful, there is no doubt of that.  I have made some good friends and found a home in my neighborhood.  But I have come to the realization that none of that is enough to hold down my roots.  I have bordered on depression this year with the gloom of this valley.  And this is with any number of trips to San Jose, to Tampa and to Austin.  It is great to be gone but when I return, I am back to my funk.  The darkness gets to me.  The cloud cover is non-stop from November through March.  The primary topic of conversation wherever you go is the weather.  It's on the news every 10 minutes on every channel.  And I get it; there's a lot to talk about.  There's the clouds, the storms, the rain, the wind, the snow, the hail, the sleet, the freezing rain.  Yes, we've had it all and after only two years, I've had enough.  I'm ready to once again, fly the coop.  I need sunlight, warm temperatures and a blue sky above me.  Next stop - Florida.  I have bounced back and forth between Texas and Florida but Florida wins out financially and emotionally.  I think that I have settled on north Florida.  It's further than I'd like to be from Mom and Dad but it is a compromise in weather and airport access to San Jose.  One thing I know after all of this thinking and evaluating is that getting back and forth to San Jose to my kids and granddaughters is a non-negotiable.  I always knew that California was some kind of paradise but as with all things, it isn't clear until you leave  a place, everything that you took for granted.  I suppose that is why grieving is so painful.  We don't know beyond the surface level everything that we have.  Gratitude,  journals, and contemplation are only the beginning.  It's when we are left in the darkness, the loneliness, and the emptiness that we know how full our life was.