Where does the time go? This is a refrain from the aging and elderly. But I am beginning to understand it. There is a rhythm to my days but there is also freedom. The weekends are as they have always been. It is the time to spend with family who are entrenched in the work world schedule and the social calendar of the community. Things happen on Saturdays and Sundays. At times they can be exhausting because I have adjusted so quickly to this slower pace of life. As the week begins, I tend to plot out a few things I want to do or goals I have for the week. From there it just flows. I really don't know what I may plan to do or accomplish in any given day. But by the end of the week, the goals and plans are met and my agenda is once again clear. And I am free to once again think and read and putter. For the first time in my life I am not overthinking what I'm doing or where I am going. I am just letting it be. I know that God is guiding me through this part of the journey because I am not invested in any one particular thing.
As I let go, I feel myself being swept away from education. Subbing is not teaching so I am able to look at the system with new eyes. The more I see, the less I envision myself in the midst of it. It is no longer feeding my spirit, it is just something to be done. Conversely, as I get more connected to the land and waterways of this place, the more I feel drawn in. I have no idea what I will be doing a month from now, a year from now or 5 years from now. And I'm letting that be. The world will claim me for what it needs. It will take my gifts of teaching and use them in this new version of who I am becoming.
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