Family

A week ago I was hanging out with my sister. For most people that sentence wouldn't have any merit one way or the other. Most people have their family close to them and can hang out with them whenever they want. It is not so with my family. Somehow we have all ended up scattered to the wind. I live my life and try hard to ignore the fact that my parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins and any other extended relatives that exist can only be accessed by phone or e-mail. As I get older, I miss them more and more. I know that all of our days are numbered and I try to cherish the moments that we can spend together. I can get my act together and show up for a 60th birthday party that is planned months in advance. But what I miss most are the everyday moments. The "why don't you meet me for coffee/lunch/dinner" moments that happen in the everyday life. Or the "let's go for a walk" moments that I live out every week with my friends. It is just the way it is but I hate to accept things because that's the way it is. I love being close to my kids and now my granddaughter but I miss the other part of my existence. It's like I have the present and future but the past is simply a vacuum. I go to visit it but it is not a part of the me I am or will become. Nothing will be done about it beyond the acknowledgement of this emptiness that I feel.