I Don't Even Know What I Don't Know

Year 1.6 and counting.

I am more than half way through my 2nd year in middle school and am so often taken by surprise of what I still don't even recognize as holes in my knowledge. On one hand I don't want to be too hard on myself but on the other I feel like I really need to figure it out pretty darn quick if I hope to make a difference in these kids' lives. Moving from primary to middle school is a huge jump on so many levels. The biggest difference is the information that is forthcoming from students. Primary kids dump everything in your lap, even things you don't want to know and you actually try to dissuade them from telling you. Middle school students keep everything, and I mean everything hidden away and locked up with a swallowed key.

I feel like this week has been another "AHA" moment. We started the week with the latest fad of "I Love Boobies" bracelets. I was astounded to discover that the ring leader at our school was a girl and firmly backed by her mother, filmed on the news saying that it was simply a "fun" way to beat breast cancer. How much fun is it for developing girls who already have self image issues to endure the torment of boys yelling "I Love Boobies" in their faces? What is the message being sent? It is far from the goal of ending breast cancer.

Event #2 was coming to face to face with the decision not to teach READ 180 next year. For some reason I couldn't get the woman in charge to understand my perspective on the curriculum, testing data, student identification or the fact that I hardly know what I'm doing with the "regular" kids let alone the mixture of characters that have been placed in my care with the directive, teach them to read. I wouldn't say that I feel like a failure but the word inept certainly comes to mind.

The crowning blow was a discussion we had at our team meeting about a student who is for the most part checked out in all of her classes. To me, she had the mannerisms of a pretty severely learning disabled student who has learned to just say nothing. After several minutes of discussion the VP said as simply as can be, she just appears to be a typical abuse victim. What?! What?! Is that what abuse looks like in middle school. Huh? No, I really don't know what I don't know.

Every day I learn. Last year I learned about failure and that it was the student's decision to fail or succeed. It wasn't about me at all and there was absolutely nothing I could do to change the outcome. I'm miles ahead of where I was a year ago in that department. This year is all about the why of failure. I know I'm starting to get it but it is very very humbling.