OK. I think that I'm ready to "write" again. It feels like there's a lot going on in my life but it could just be that I'm being pulled to challenge myself again. Most of the time school and home are enough for me but lately there has been an emptiness inside. Yeah. I guess I am not enough for me any longer. When I left my marriage I truly believed that I would never want/need to be with anyone again. I have been on my own for 8+ years now and still I feel that out of balance state that says "This is odd." It's not just a living single in a couples world thing. There's a hole that needs to be filled. I'm still a little nervous about doing what it will take to fill it but I know that's where I'm headed this time around. I have the deep desire to share my life with another human being. I don't think that any of us were meant to go through this journey alone. So what does that mean? Match.com, e-harmony? I don't know. I just know that I have to do something. Normally I would say that he's not going to come knocking at my door but I've already tried dating my neighbor. That didn't work out so well. Maybe I just need to face what IS before I tackle what could be. But the good news is that I have actually taken myself out a couple times in the past two weeks. The first time was just to Hobees but that was huge for me. The most difficult words to come out of my mouth were "Table for 1."
The current status of my house is interesting. It is slowly but surely becoming the realization that my dreams can come true. The process of just figuring out what I really want has been interesting in itself. As I have journeyed through these steps I have slowly but surely come back to my original dream of hardwood floors and beadboard cabinets. Interesting. So I give thanks to Dan for bringing my dream back and the happiness that came with it. It feels like I did it the hard way but I guess it's always been that way for me. I hope that in the next phase of life I can learn to recognize my dreams when they come around the FIRST time. It would make things so much easier.
Work is going well. I am speaking my truth and it feels good. I love this time of year. There is still quite a bit of teaching time left but I can see the end in sight. I love my class. They are funny and "get" me. Last week we had an incident where they knew I was totally frustrated and a few of them reminded me to "think happy thoughts." They actually ended up breaking into song. What else could it have been but "The Good Ship Lollipop?" I totally lost it and laughed myself silly. Third grade is a wonderful thing.
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